How can I forgive those who sin against me?

[Elijah2]

At some point our life we have experienced injustice, wrongs, hurts, offence, abuse, rejection, and humiliation.

The hardest part is how do we respond to these things when they occur.

According to His Word, we are to forgive those people who trespass against us.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:32)

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col. 3:13)

The key in both of these Scriptures is that we are to forgive others, as God has forgiven us.

Therefore, why do we forgive?

We forgive, because we have been forgiven!

I guess at times we believe that forgiveness would be much more simpler if we only had to grant it to those who come to us asking for it, in sorrow, regret, remorse, and repentance.

His Word commands us that we are to forgive those who sin against us, without conditions. Refusing to truly forgive a person demonstrates a person’s anger, bitterness, and resentment, which are not the traits of a Christian.

In the Lord's Prayer, we ask God to forgive us our sins, just as we forgive those who sin against us (see Matthew 6:12).

Our Lord Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

In light of other Scriptures that speak of God’s forgiveness, Matthew 6:14-15 is best understood to be saying that people who refuse to forgive others have likely not truly experienced God’s forgiveness and love themselves.

Whenever we miss the mark by disobeying one of our Lord Jesus Christ's commands, we sin against Him. Whenever we wrong another person, we not only sin against them, but also against our Lord Jesus Christ. We need to realise that all our sins are against our Lord Jesus Christ.

When we take a look at the vastness of God's mercy to forgive us of “ALL” of our sins and transgressions, we realise that we do not have the right to withhold this grace from others. We have sinned against our Lord Jesus Christ infinitely more than any person can sin against us. If our Lord Jesus Christ forgives us of so much, how can we refuse to forgive others for so little?

Our Lord Jesus Christ’s parable in Matthew 18:23-35 is a powerful illustration of this truth. Our Lord Jesus Christ promises that when we come to His Father asking for forgiveness, He freely grants it (see 1 John 1:9). The forgiveness we extend should know no bounds, in the same way that His forgiveness is limitless (see Luke 17:3-4).

 

[Ave Maria]

Hmm, I'd pray for the gift of forgiveness.

 

[sistakrista]

It's IMPOSSIBLE to forgive on our own! I mean, completely, without condition. Only with Jesus & the Holy Spurit, can TRUE forgiveness be offered!

 

[Ragedy]

I am in truly the darkest times I have EVER had in my life. It is due to a person who has known me my whole life. Not only me, but my husband, 3 children, and now my mom. How do I overcome these feelings of anger and well..... to be honest hate that I have in my heart? I pray daily and often, but cannot get past my flesh response. How do I cope? I have prayed and maybe I am turning a deaf ear to God and His command because it is easier to be angry with this person, but HOW?????

 

[Elijah2]

I am in truly the darkest times I have EVER had in my life.
Many of us have a number of dark shadows hovering over us. It's called unconfessed sin, and unforgiveness.
It is due to a person who has known me my whole life. Not only me, but my husband, 3 children, and now my mom. How do I overcome these feelings of anger and well..... to be honest hate that I have in my heart?
Why do you hate this person?
I pray daily and often, but cannot get past my flesh response.
The old flesh nature sins all the time.
How do I cope?
You have to forgive this person and love this person.

If you want to talk about it then PM me.
I have prayed and maybe I am turning a deaf ear to God and His command because it is easier to be angry with this person, but HOW?????
Your anger is your way out of not facing up to your responsibilities as a Christian, and Satan loves a Christian who is angry all the time.

Do you realise HE said that you are to forgive and love the person you are angry with?

By the way, it's not a deaf ear, it's a closed heart!

 

[live4grace]

I am in truly the darkest times I have EVER had in my life. It is due to a person who has known me my whole life. Not only me, but my husband, 3 children, and now my mom. How do I overcome these feelings of anger and well..... to be honest hate that I have in my heart? I pray daily and often, but cannot get past my flesh response. How do I cope? I have prayed and maybe I am turning a deaf ear to God and His command because it is easier to be angry with this person, but HOW?????

There are no trite words or quick formulas for how to "turn off" feelings of anger, resentment and wanting to get even, etc. That's because it's like someone physically cut you - it hurts!! Imagine how sick of heart you would be if it didn't hurt - saying to yourself "oh I/we deserved that or even worse". So the pain is even a gift God gives.

I recently read a very good, practical article on forgiveness in Discipleship Journal (published by the Navigators) and the author laid out 4 steps to forgiving. They are:

• State the sin (identify it, write it down even)
• Answer the question – what is owed you? (apology, restitution, etc.)
• Decide who’s going to collect on the debt
• Declare them (or yourself) “paid in full” (the hardest part)

Even *that* doesn't erase the feelings and you may have to go back over and over in prayer - that is NORMAL. But you also should get a friend who understands your hurt at this time and who can walk with you through your pain. Not a "Job's friend" who will find why you deserved to be treated like this (there are all too many of them - especially in spiritual circles), but someone who's "been there" and can help you. Pray for that - you're not walking through anything that someone has not already been and conquered. And I will pray too.

 

[Elijah2]

Hmm, I'd pray for the gift of forgiveness.

Sorry, I didn't realise that forgiveness is a gift?

 

[Ashbee02]

Also remember that fogiveness is a blessing on ourselves... God knew just how much he was realeasing us from our own imprisonment when he asked us to forgive. Think about it...

Who suffers when you don't forgive? The person you won't forgive (maybe, but probably less likely than not) or you? If you do not, through grace, prayer, and strength by the spirit, learn to forgive someone even for the largest crime you hold contempt, hate, anger; these emotions can quickly become selfishness, self-righteousness among other poisionous emotions... it will kill your relationship you had with our Father!

21Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

22Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
23"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.
24"When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
25"But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.
26"So the slave fell to the ground andprostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.'
27"And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
28"But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.'
29"So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.'
30"But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.
31"So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
32"Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
33'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?'
34"And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35"My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart." Matthew 18:21-35 NASB


Interestingly enough I heard a pastor say that the money owed to the lord was comparable to a "gazillion dollars" or unpayable... And the amount of money the other slave owed him in comparison was like enough to buy a can of pepsi... How can we not forgive something so little on earth when we have been forgiven so much eternally?

God Bless

 

[sparassidae]

Thanks for posting that passage Ashbee. That's exactly the one I think of when struggling with forgiving others. I owe God a million bucks, this person owes me one. Puts things in perspective.

 

[Elijah2]

Hey Ragedy, I've PM you.

 

[dmpeace]

What do you mean by forgivness. I was attacked by a person years ago and my neck was broken and now I am in a chair. I live in Ny and the person lives in Florida. The person has not changed his ways, but I have forgiven this person with all my heart, so much so that if I saw him I would shake his hand. Am I suppose to tell him, I don't understand, besides the person lives 1500 miles away. I have no bitterness in my heart over the matter. He still is required to pay restitution for what he has done. Is this considered forgivness. God bless

dmpeace

 

[WendyV]

What do you mean by forgivness. I was attacked by a person years ago and my neck was broken and now I am in a chair. I live in Ny and the person lives in Florida. The person has not changed his ways, but I have forgiven this person with all my heart, so much so that if I saw him I would shake his hand. Am I suppose to tell him, I don't understand, besides the person lives 1500 miles away. I have no bitterness in my heart over the matter. He still is required to pay restitution for what he has done. Is this considered forgivness. God bless

dmpeace

Sounds like you have done all that is required of you, sounds like true forgiveness to me.

 

[WendyV]

I have had reason recently to be in a possition of forgiving people - and the picture that came into my head was when I die and I get to heaven and I meet God, if I am to be forgiven the same way I forgive, I certainly don't want God to say to me 'I have forgiven you and you can get in - but you have done some really horrible things so go away over there to the other side of heaven and don't speak to me!' I am trying to forgive people completely, whether they ask for it or not. God is love and I am trying to show love to everyone.

 

[dimwhitt]

the word the new testament uses for "forgiveness" is literally a banking term which means - to release a person from paying back the money you lent them

applied to discipleship it translates as...
release a person from making right the emotional debt they owe you

 

[dmpeace]

the word the new testament uses for "forgiveness" is literally a banking term which means - to release a person from paying back the money you lent them

applied to discipleship it translates as...
release a person from making right the emotional debt they owe you

Has my forgivness done this do you think. Not quite sure what is meant by forgiving another.

 

[dimwhitt]

it does sound like you have let him go of the emotional responsability to make right what what he did wrong


He still is required to pay restitution for what he has done. Is this considered forgivness. YES
paying the legal consequence for wrong has no part in whether u forgive and if u can walk up and shake his hand u have done your part

remember the guy who shot the last pope - the pope went to give him forgivness and as a result the two men became fast friends - however that man finished out the majority of a twenty year sentence for his crime

WELL DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT

 

[dmpeace]

The thing is I have never actually shook his hand, because I have never seen him since the incident because we live completely apart, if I did see him I would forgive him though. I could have had him thrown in prison, but chose not to, I wanted to press the charges though, I could have the restitution stopped,I think then again I have no other money really. Hope this maked sense, thanks for the input.
God bless

 

[dimwhitt]

there is no reason not to press charges

as long as revenge is not the reason
because that is contrary to forgiveness

it sounds as if u are very unhappy with ur decision and state in life

 

[dmpeace]

Hi again thanks for your help. I became christain after this happened. No, I didn't press charges for revenge, but noly because it cost alot to be paralyzed. Even though I have never seen him again or probably never will, and have not actually told him he is forgiven that my forgivness is true. I just hope God sees me as forgiven. Thank again Much help
God bless
dmpeace

 

[dimwhitt]

do you get to talk it out with others?