I am troubled in my spirit about something that happened years ago. I feel like I blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is believing that Jesus had an demonic spirit. The Pharisees accused Jesus of this. I was having blasphemous thoughts saying this when I was 14. One day, I was overthinking this and I actually believed it for a moment but I tried to rebuke it. I was too late. Ever since that day, I don't feel convicted for sin and remorse for it. I don't feel the Holy Spirit as much for the past few years. I even lost the desire to pray and seek God in a huge way. I can't repent and I feel like I lost connection with God permanently for some reason. I don't feel the same way as I did before the age of 14 where I used to feel the Holy Spirit all the time. Any advice? Be honest as possible..
Keep in mind that the Jewish leaders who accused Lord Jesus of being demon possessed had not receive the Spirit within them since they were not believers.
The sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is
not the thinking or calling Jesus demon possessed, but rather, in doing so, we
reject all that is loving, good, and righteous that flows from the Spirit so that we continue to hold onto our own pride, prestige, power, and the darkness of our sins.
That is the blasphemy against the Spirit, for the fruit of the Spirit is all that is loving, just, and good.
It is not a sin to question and test what we believe. The noble Bereans tested everything the Apostles told them by Scripture. At times, we may question the nature of God, or whether the Gospel is really true, or whether Lord Jesus really lived, or actually rose again from the dead, or even whether Lord Jesus may have been possessed by an evil spirit. My feeling is that God does not fault us for sincerely considering such questions. That is not a sin.
What is truly sin, and what is truly blaspheming the Holy Spirit, is to do as the Jewish leaders did.
What did they do? The Jewish leaders, after seeing the miracles Lord Jesus performed from the Father, and heard the words he spoke, and saw the mercy, love, and goodness that flowed through him to others; yet, in pride, desiring to hold onto their own power with the people, these Jewish leaders still condemned Lord Jesus. The Jewish leaders resisted all that was good, righteous, and loving for the sake of their own pride.
The blasphemy was not in thinking or saying Jesus had an evil spirit, but doing so out of a rebellious heart against God, and against all that is righteous, good, merciful, and loving, all of which flow from the Spirit as the fruits of the Spirit.
Therefore, for a person to blaspheme the Holy Spirit
today is to resist the Word and the Spirit, so that person can continue walking in darkness. IF that continues to be the state of that person's life, then he will die in his sins.
Acts 7:51 (WEB) 51 “You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit! As your fathers did, so you do."
John 8:12 (WEB) 12 Again, therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. [Isaiah 60:1] He who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”
2 Thessalonians 2:10 (WEB) They perish because they
refused to love
the truth and so be saved.
And, if a Christian, having believed and received the Spirit, should later on resist the Spirit, giving into temptation, and so, deliberately continue to live in any sin, to serve its desires, and if that Christian should die in that state, such a Christian will be condemned by the Spirit for having insulted the Spirit of Grace. That is the blasphemy that can never be forgiven in this life or the next.
James 1:12-16 (WEB)
12 Blessed is a person who
endures temptation, for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord
promised to those who love him.
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God,” for God can’t be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But
each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed. 15 Then the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin. The sin, when it is full grown,
produces death. 16
Don’t be deceived, my beloved brothers.
Hebrews 10:24-31 (WEB)
24
Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works (
the fruits of the Spirit), 25 not forsaking
our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting
one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. 26 For
if we sin willfully [
deliberately keep on sinning] after
we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and a fierceness of fire which will devour the adversaries. 28 A man who disregards Moses’ law dies without compassion on the word of two or three witnesses. 29
How much worse punishment do you think he will be judged worthy of who has trodden under foot the Son of God, and has counted the blood of the covenant
with which he was sanctified an unholy thing, and has
insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “Vengeance belongs to me. I will repay,” says the Lord. [
Deuteronomy 32:35] Again, “The Lord will judge
his people.” [
Deuteronomy 32:36;
Psalms 135:14] 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.