How can I change myself so I stop getting ignored?

[LovebirdsFlying]

One thing that has been made abundantly clear to me in life is that the other person is never in the wrong. I have not once ever been treated in a way I didn’t deserve or have coming to me. Any conflict or problem between me and somebody else, it HAS to be my fault somehow. The other person didn’t slight me or take a dig at me. That’s just me being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Even if it does turn out that someone has been blatantly rude, abusive, or cruel, then surely I must have done something to provoke or invite it. In, for example, my mother’s own exact words, “I doubt they would have said that to me. You must be sending off some kind of signal that tells people it’s OK to talk to you that way.” So you see, even when it’s the other person’s fault, it’s still my fault.

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

People cut me off mid syllable to say something, either to me or to somebody else, on a completely different subject. I might understand them doing this if I were a constant insufferable chatterbox, but it happens when I can barely get a word in edgewise in the first place. I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished. Which makes it sound as if I had been droning on and on, but I hadn’t even spoken a full sentence.

I have asked questions and had them not even look at me to acknowledge my presence, let alone answer the question. I have given detailed information about important matters, only to later have them insist I never told them that. On many occasions I have stopped speaking and even left the room, and nobody even notices I’m not there.

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

 

[BobRyan]

You are describing that other person as a classic "Narcissist" . Their trademark is to gaslight anyone who notices their misdeeds into thinking that the person that noticed is the real root "Cause". Look up the term it will help you better understand the defect in that person that you are dealing with.

 

[BobRyan]

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.'

The title of a thread tells a lot about the subject, content etc. I respond or don't-respond to s thread NOT based on WHO started it , but rather first and foremost what the TITLE says.

If the title has a good draw - then I read the first post ... if nothing is of interest I move on to the next thread.

People almost never look at WHO is starting the thread (unless it is someone I find very annoying ... which is very rare).

EXAMPLE: IF I start a thread with the title "So is THIS how the WORLD ENDS in you POV?"
OR "What is your view of how the WORLD ends?"

Do you think those threads will get viewed and responded to? I think they will -- and that would be the case no matter who started them as long as their OP does not shoot their own thread in the foot.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

In the case of threads - think of it as a marketing ad - where you want to give someone a great "draw" into the topic. Like the front page of a news paper back in the old days.

But if you go back to your prior statement about "the other person". If someone in your life is trying to blame you for their mistakes - that is a very difficult flaw in their personality that you have to deal with. Prayer is number 1.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

One thing that has been made abundantly clear to me in life is that the other person is never in the wrong. I have not once ever been treated in a way I didn’t deserve or have coming to me. Any conflict or problem between me and somebody else, it HAS to be my fault somehow. The other person didn’t slight me or take a dig at me. That’s just me being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Even if it does turn out that someone has been blatantly rude, abusive, or cruel, then surely I must have done something to provoke or invite it. In, for example, my mother’s own exact words, “I doubt they would have said that to me. You must be sending off some kind of signal that tells people it’s OK to talk to you that way.” So you see, even when it’s the other person’s fault, it’s still my fault.

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

People cut me off mid syllable to say something, either to me or to somebody else, on a completely different subject. I might understand them doing this if I were a constant insufferable chatterbox, but it happens when I can barely get a word in edgewise in the first place. I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished. Which makes it sound as if I had been droning on and on, but I hadn’t even spoken a full sentence.

I have asked questions and had them not even look at me to acknowledge my presence, let alone answer the question. I have given detailed information about important matters, only to later have them insist I never told them that. On many occasions I have stopped speaking and even left the room, and nobody even notices I’m not there.

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

First thing is to be knowledgeable so that people will want to hear what you have to say.
Next is to be quiet most of the time so that when you do say something people will be curious.
I have found that people who blab incessantly get tuned out by their victims. I am talking about "stream of consciousness" blabbing. Hurts.
Most importantly is to be helpful and edifying. If you are someone whose main reason for existing is to find fault and belittle others... do not be surprised if you do not have a lot of friends who listen to you. Don't be a Debbie Downer.
One of my favorite saying when it comes to socializing is: "If one will have friends, he must show himself friendly."
I am sure there are a ton of proverbs on this subject. Maybe people who are fluent in the book can help us out.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

Or maybe they are spot on and people just want to avoid the truth.

 

[disciple Clint]

I doubt that it is you that is at fault, there is nothing wrong with you, could be the delivery of your communications, why not try a course in public speaking that will teach you techniques to make a more effective delivery, watch public speakers how they use voice inflection, pause for effect, ask opening questions to capture attention, check their body language when they are making a point and their eye contact.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

I doubt that it is you that is at fault, there is nothing wrong with you, could be the delivery of your communications, why not try a course in public speaking that will teach you techniques to make a more effective delivery, watch public speakers how they use voice inflection, pause for effect, ask opening questions to capture attention, check their body language when they are making a point and their eye contact.

Good advice.
In the early 90s our company initiated a "team management" concept. We all went to classes to learn how to speak to each other and get your ideas across. Also how to listen and encourage others to share their ideas.

 

[trophy33]

I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished.

If it really happens all the time with many various people, can it be that your intonation is somehow off? Maybe it really sounds like you finished a thought or something. Hard to speculate, though. Do you have, for example, some speech impairment?

Does it happen when you are talking on a phone, too?

 

[SavedByGrace3]

If you really care about being noticed and have people pay attention to you, I would suggest a voice class. I think there is one thing that gets people noticed is a forward speaking, semi loud voice. But of course you have to have something to say also.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

One thing that has been made abundantly clear to me in life is that the other person is never in the wrong. I have not once ever been treated in a way I didn’t deserve or have coming to me. Any conflict or problem between me and somebody else, it HAS to be my fault somehow. The other person didn’t slight me or take a dig at me. That’s just me being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Even if it does turn out that someone has been blatantly rude, abusive, or cruel, then surely I must have done something to provoke or invite it. In, for example, my mother’s own exact words, “I doubt they would have said that to me. You must be sending off some kind of signal that tells people it’s OK to talk to you that way.” So you see, even when it’s the other person’s fault, it’s still my fault.

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

People cut me off mid syllable to say something, either to me or to somebody else, on a completely different subject. I might understand them doing this if I were a constant insufferable chatterbox, but it happens when I can barely get a word in edgewise in the first place. I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished. Which makes it sound as if I had been droning on and on, but I hadn’t even spoken a full sentence.

I have asked questions and had them not even look at me to acknowledge my presence, let alone answer the question. I have given detailed information about important matters, only to later have them insist I never told them that. On many occasions I have stopped speaking and even left the room, and nobody even notices I’m not there.

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

Some of that happens to me, not as bad as it used to be. There's some paranormal phenomena that designates some people one role and some people another. As far as I can tell, it's not really fair.

The thought that came to me was "you could be a spy" when I first read the question. Humor aside.

One good way of remedying this is to take notice of those who act like you said. For these people walk away when these type of people start talking. People may take notice if you walk out during a sermon, for example.

If someone asks, you can reply, Oh, I thought he was finished already.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. (Psalm 18:26)

I’m talking to you as I would talk to children. Treat us the same way we’ve treated you. Make a place for us in your hearts too. (2 Corinthians 6:13)

 

[Maria Billingsley]

One thing that has been made abundantly clear to me in life is that the other person is never in the wrong. I have not once ever been treated in a way I didn’t deserve or have coming to me. Any conflict or problem between me and somebody else, it HAS to be my fault somehow. The other person didn’t slight me or take a dig at me. That’s just me being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Even if it does turn out that someone has been blatantly rude, abusive, or cruel, then surely I must have done something to provoke or invite it. In, for example, my mother’s own exact words, “I doubt they would have said that to me. You must be sending off some kind of signal that tells people it’s OK to talk to you that way.” So you see, even when it’s the other person’s fault, it’s still my fault.

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

People cut me off mid syllable to say something, either to me or to somebody else, on a completely different subject. I might understand them doing this if I were a constant insufferable chatterbox, but it happens when I can barely get a word in edgewise in the first place. I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished. Which makes it sound as if I had been droning on and on, but I hadn’t even spoken a full sentence.

I have asked questions and had them not even look at me to acknowledge my presence, let alone answer the question. I have given detailed information about important matters, only to later have them insist I never told them that. On many occasions I have stopped speaking and even left the room, and nobody even notices I’m not there.

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

Sorry to hear about your struggle. I did go back to your threads and did see a lot of replies except for the one you pulled and asked to be closed because you saw no activity after 24 hours. Honestly, there are a lot of threads that get no response, you have very few with no response. That being said, I believe people's attention spans have taken a turn for the worse. So rather than take it personally you may want to begin reversing the trend. Here are some ways to get people's attention:

Note: This is not my list I found it! Since I struggle at times, I will use it myself!
Be blessed!

1) Be confident
2)Be prepared
3) Be engaging
4) Be respectful
5)Be open to feedback
6) Make eye contact
7) Nod your head
8) Ask questions
9) Summarize others
10) Be patient

 

[angelsaroundme]

A lot of good points have been brought up. I think you should take time to analyze other people who are engaged with more than you. Is it the content of what they say? Is it talking confidently and making eye contact? It may be multiple factors.

I also think some people assume if we rarely talk that we're not deep or insightful people. They project a kind of mental void on our silence. Where people who never stop talking, from their perspective, are proving how knowledgeable and smart they are.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I want to thank everyone for their advice and kind words here. Right now, due to clinical depression, my brain is not fully operational and I am having trouble with processing information. Please know I am seeing and hearing you. It's just that I am not quite capapble of responding.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I want to thank everyone for their advice and kind words here. Right now, due to clinical depression, my brain is not fully operational and I am having trouble with processing information. Please know I am seeing and hearing you. It's just that I am not quite capapble of responding.

May God strengthen and heal you and bring you out of this depression in Jesus name. The Lord is your strength dear friend. God bless you. <3

 

[returntosender]

One thing that has been made abundantly clear to me in life is that the other person is never in the wrong. I have not once ever been treated in a way I didn’t deserve or have coming to me. Any conflict or problem between me and somebody else, it HAS to be my fault somehow. The other person didn’t slight me or take a dig at me. That’s just me being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. Even if it does turn out that someone has been blatantly rude, abusive, or cruel, then surely I must have done something to provoke or invite it. In, for example, my mother’s own exact words, “I doubt they would have said that to me. You must be sending off some kind of signal that tells people it’s OK to talk to you that way.” So you see, even when it’s the other person’s fault, it’s still my fault.

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

People cut me off mid syllable to say something, either to me or to somebody else, on a completely different subject. I might understand them doing this if I were a constant insufferable chatterbox, but it happens when I can barely get a word in edgewise in the first place. I’ve had people—even pastors—walk away while I am speaking. If I call any of this out, they’ll act surprised and swear up and down they thought I was finished. Which makes it sound as if I had been droning on and on, but I hadn’t even spoken a full sentence.

I have asked questions and had them not even look at me to acknowledge my presence, let alone answer the question. I have given detailed information about important matters, only to later have them insist I never told them that. On many occasions I have stopped speaking and even left the room, and nobody even notices I’m not there.

Online, I start threads that get no response. I can only gather that it must have been a stupid topic and nobody wants to talk about it.

What am I doing to provoke or invite this?

I have the same problem in life but not so much here. So i think it is a physical response. I think it might come off as a know it all to some or a snob. It hurts and is confusing. People often read people wrong and there's really nothing you can do about it. I'm too old to worry about it now but in my younger days i wish i would have kept my mouth shut more often then not, lol. I've seen your posts here and they are interesting and get response. Maybe you are having a down day? God loves you as you are and seeing your posts i know you know that.. as long as your nice you can do no more. It becomes their problem.
It could be a jealousy problem at their end also?
Remember, there are some people that deliberately go after those that appear weak and introverted. They are called bullies. That's their life. Tear someone down builds them up.

 

[Diamond72]

So, what am I doing that is causing people to completely ignore and disregard me?

Maybe you need to read the book "how to win friends and influence people". You need to talk about what people are interested in. Some people like talking about their kids or grandkids.

 

[returntosender]

God made you the way you are. If they don't like it and you don't deserve their treatment then be happy with God's creation

 

[mama2one]

I have found that after age 40, a women is often ignored. When I was younger, I received attention & now it's like I'm invisible. I don't think much can be done about it.
After covid, I have found some men are especially rude. One man pulled up to my car while I was getting air in tire & blocked me from pulling forward. I motioned for him to back up & he got out of his car & folded his arms! When I was at drugstore wearing a mask, a man made fun of me. Then there are men who let doors slam in my face instead of holding a door open for me.
I know if I was in my 20s or 30s, the above wouldn't happen.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

I have found that after age 40, a women is often ignored. When I was younger, I received attention & now it's like I'm invisible. I don't think much can be done about it.
After covid, I have found some men are especially rude. One man pulled up to my car while I was getting air in tire & blocked me from pulling forward. I motioned for him to back up & he got out of his car & folded his arms! When I was at drugstore wearing a mask, a man made fun of me. Then there are men who let doors slam in my face instead of holding a door open for me.
I know if I was in my 20s or 30s, the above wouldn't happen.

The scripture says the glory of a women is her hair and the glory of a man is his head.
I have heard long bizarre interpretations of this, but I believe in the simple understanding that he is talking about age. A young women in the vitality of her youth has vivacious hair and physical beauty. That is here temporal "glory."
A man in his age is bald, but he has the wisdom, riches and power. That is his temporal "glory."
I have to say I receive more respect from some (those who show respect at all), in my agedness than when I was youthful.
But don't feel bad. This sort of thing is happening to everyone, especially in this culture. Everyone is at the mercy of the easily offended these days.