How can a decent woman do this...

[Joined2krist]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

 

[By_the_Book]

Maintain modest dress, obviously don't flirt, limit all physical contact, and a Christian woman's primary relationships should be with other Christian women not with men, therefore, develop female friendships, not male and female friendships.

This is about all a woman can do and if we are approached by men that we know are lusting after us then we make every attempt to avoid those gentlemen or if need be ask them to leave us alone.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

It is as if you are saying all men " lust" after her?? I doubt that. Lust is a very strong descriptor for male to female attraction. This person is a bit paranoid in my opinion. My advise is to not focus thoughts on one's self so much.
Blessings.

 

[Joined2krist]

It is as if you are saying all men " lust" after her?? I doubt that. Lust is a very strong descriptor for male to female attraction. This person is a bit paranoid in my opinion. My advise is to not focus thoughts on one's self so much.
Blessings.

Definitely, not all men lust after her but she says the ones that do, end up looking at her chest instead of her face although she is always decently dressed. I think she doesn't want any man to lust after her in this way. She is trying to do what she can to help the ones that deal with lust because she has dealt with it in the past herself (I think).

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Definitely, not all men lust after her but she says the ones that do, end up looking at her chest instead of her face although she is always decently dressed. I think she doesn't want any man to lust after her in this way. She is trying to do what she can to help the ones that deal with lust because she has dealt with it in the past herself (I think).

Ok, truth be told I had my share of chest focused men but I don't consider that lust. For example, the man I am with now (laughing while I write this) always looked at my body parts first before he made eye contact. UGH! So from the very beginning I was pretty vocal about this habit of his. "What are you looking at"?? ...was my response every time. I also explained to him that focusing on a female body part is uncomfortable even if its a slight second. Even my step father did it...so annoying! But I realized, over time, its just a thing men do. Its not lust. We can start teaching our men by saying something or we can hide behind piles of cloth. I choose the former.
Blessings.

 

[eleos1954]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

Platonic friendship is the relationship between two people who share a deep connection without the presence of sexual and romantic feelings.

Some relationships start out being platonic and then do progress into romantic feelings.

Some men just want to be platonic as well ... when something more than friendship enters in by one or the other (lust) then that is desiring something more than friendship .... really the best thing for a person to do is from the "get go" state openly the intent is friendship and nothing beyond that and keep reiterating that is the case .... unless they change their mind about the relationship progressing into something else ... of which one or the other may not be open to and if not .... respect that.

 

[Diamond72]

Stop men from lusting after her?

Through modesty and humility, esp in the way they dress. We are sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, sons & daughters. The woman should ONLY give herself to her husband and the husband should only give himself to his wife. The rabbi teaches men and women to stay away from each other if they are not married. Do not get caught up into dating and the ways of the world. Women need to set limits for men and if men do not adhere to that I have some tear gas I can give her to resolve that issue. Just carry it on her keychain and they will get the message. If she is modest and humble that should get the message across that she has a vow of celibacy until she gets married. Of course, people will claim to be engaged so they can do what they want. But that often ends in disaster.

 

[seeking.IAM]

(How can a decent woman do this)...Stop men from lusting after her?

Short answer: she can't. A woman is not responsible for a man's behavior. Men are responsible for that. And some of us will have a lustful response to pretty much anything.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

She can't, nor is that her responsibility. The advice I would give to a woman asking this: pay no regard to the toxic tenets of Purity Culture.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

I have heard some women say thus: "I should be able to walk naked into church and know that I will not be lusted after..."
Of course that is foolish. Simply not the way things work. So yes, be modest. Be reasonable. Women are beautiful! No doubt about it.
But we all have to have some sense.

 

[studentinprayer]

Plenty of great advice given by others here so no use repeating, but I’d add if we are feeling lusted after it is often worth our time to reflect upon our attraction to that lust and ask God to help us let go of it.

 

[Hazelelponi]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

Make sure you're never alone with a man.

We have a neighbor who we have helped some lately according to our ability but if he comes to the door I don't answer it, my husband does, and if I speak to him directly my husband is present.

Where you work men will flirt, especially if you're an attractive and single woman, that you just accept as a fact of life... Being paired up with the opposite sex is literally written into our DNA, so it's just life really.

All you can do is remain polite and if the flirting is too much just politely say your not interested. It's all you can do.

 

[WolfGate]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

She can't. That is the man's job. Others have already said this and they are right.

Nor is it her job to stop them from lusting. Her job is act and live in a way that honors God. If a man reacts inappropriately or expresses romantic interest when she has none, her role is to be clear in how she feels about either being disrespected or about desiring friendship only.

As a man I find it odd that on the one hand we hear church leaders teach that men are the one's God equipped to lead churches and households and then the same teachers will declare we are so weak that women are responsible for how we react to them. It's absurd. They should be teaching men to learn how to recognize women as more than just body parts and instead people who were equally and wonderfully made just like them by God, deserving to be seen as God's children and treated as such.

Teaching women they have to act in ways that control how men react is a game they can't win, and honestly unfair to both women and men. But, as I believe you and your friend have, so many women have also been taught this lie that they take on the responsibility of the man and then are burdened with the guilt he should feel - and not them.

 

[bèlla]

Most women have a civilizing effect on men and I don't mean that derogatively. She softens him and smooths out the rough spots and he enhances her weaknesses respectively. For some it's easier to turn things off than others. We're in a hyper sexualized culture. I couldn't imagine being stimulated constantly. It sounds oppressive.

Since the incidents happened frequently she has something to go on. Look for common denominators in attire, setting, conversation and so on. Knowing what trips their switch can help head things off. If she's physically attractive or well endowed many will look. That doesn't mean they should treat her crudely but they won't ignore her either.

She may find it worthwhile to explore the male gaze and how women employ it to gain attention. If she isn't opposed to the Kardashians it's worthwhile to hear the evolution they're undergoing to reduce their sensuality. It reflects the current shift to thinness and return of the waif. While I wouldn't mimic them you can glean a lot nonetheless. You can find them on YouTube.

On a personal note when I've experienced the same I'm largely unfazed. I'm responsible for my presentation and deportment. I can't control his eyes. If he isn't behaving perversely, cat-calling or trying to impose himself in a harmful way I ignore it. I'm not diminished by his gaze and won't empower it.

The obvious response is prayer. Maybe it's a struggle or a stronghold he's had difficulty surmounting. I'm not making light of her discomfort but it can only be as powerful as she permits.

~bella

 

[Sketcher]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

Men are too good at lusting after women for women to stop them. Just concentrate on being modest and proper, doing that will uphold your responsibility.

 

[Joy]

Mod Hat On

Some Posts and Responses
have been Removed
in
Thread Clean
RV: Statement of Purpose - Requests for Christian Advice Statement of Purpose
​

Christian advice is defined as advice which contains basic Christian principles that do not conflict with the site's Statement of Faith. We would ask that members direct their responses to the member who started the thread and refrain from debating one another's theological beliefs and viewpoints. Do not use this forum to debate with other Christians as that is not the purpose of the Requests for Christian Advice forum.
If members would like to discuss/debate specific Christian theological doctrines, they should do so in one of the Theology forums.

Mod Hat Off​

 

[SavedByGrace3]

...Stop men from lusting after her?

Should she maintain a certain distance when speaking to a man, should she avoid eye contact, should she avoid being friendly?
Some women just want to be platonic, not everyone is hoping for romance or to have men lusting etc, so what advice can you give such a woman?

I would think the answer is the same as women for men? Or are women free from the natural drive?

 

[Sabri]

They can’t. I agree with the fellow threads of my brothers and sisters. I experienced like always going to the store and men watching me circling back to me or trying to flirt. I ignore it, but when they talk directly to you. I respond and continue. Men don’t care that you are married. They want what they want. Just as women want what they want. It’s our fleshy nature. We are attracted to the opposite sex in our nature. It’s for us to build up our spiritual man and to mortify deeds of the flesh. Women pretend we don’t or can’t control men by our body looks or even walk. A beautiful woman knows she has power -sensual power to control her husband and other men, if she wants. It’s the curse of eve

 

[ZephBonkerer]

... Men don’t care that you are married. They want what they want. Just as women want what they want. It’s our fleshy nature. We are attracted to the opposite sex in our nature. It’s for us to build up our spiritual man and to mortify deeds of the flesh. Women pretend we don’t or can’t control men by our body looks or even walk. A beautiful woman knows she has power -sensual power to control her husband and other men, if she wants. It’s the curse of eve

I refuse to flirt with a woman I know to be married. There's nowhere to go with that. And in my book, a committed relationship with a boyfriend is effectively married for that purpose.

In fact, if there is a woman I find attractive, the last thing I would want to do is to compromise her dignity in any way.

I wish to make a request: can we please refrain from speaking of sexuality and sexual attraction in disparaging terms? Is finding a woman attractive a "deed of the flesh" that needs to be mortified? That kind of talk reflects poorly on all of us.

Just so you know: I come into contact with beautiful women all the time on the dance floor and in nightclubs. It comes with the territory, especially if you are a skilled dancer as I am. I have way too much respect for these women to treat them like toys to be lusted after.

Edit: it is lust that is the problem, not attraction. It is our responsibility to treat women as beings of their own, with all the reasoning capabilities and agency that us men have. It is not her responsibility to make herself less attractive in a vain attempt to avoid lust.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

It is important to understand the difference between the sexuality of males and females. Males are aroused by sight, while females are aroused by touch. Men admiring women is part of the ordinary sex drive. There is a difference between noticing an attractive woman and leering at her in a creepy way. If a woman makes the effort to choose clothing and to maintain her figure in a way to make herself attractive as an alternative to being an obese frump, then she would be unreasonable in her expectation that men would not be attracted to her various attributes. The only men who wouldn't would be gay, and they would be attracted to the attributes of other males.

I think this thing about berating men because they find the woman attractive comes from man-hating ultra feminism, coming from women who have gone to great lengths to make themselves unattractive and "butch", as many lesbian females have done. If a female berated me for looking at her (which hasn't happened to me), I would respond by telling her "Once you've seen one, you've seen them all, so there is nothing too special about you!"