House MATES?

[Glorianna]

Also, if your future husband to be were "bad in bed", do you consider that a reason to end the relationship? I think thats a bit on the selfish side People learn sexually and grow sexually and people in a marriage should be open and honest about sex I think in order to improve that part of their lives if its.. hmm.. lacking

I agree with this. It is very important to communicate about sex and what you think could make it more enjoyable for you. Your husband will want to make you happy, so he would probably do what you suggest!

 

[eyeliv4God]

Thats a shame you feel that way, an LDR is just as precious a relationship as any, and the time you spend together is so very rich because you don't get that much time. You really learn what cherishing your time together is all about. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that I have to say I really took some of my boyfriends for granted in the past (the non-:LDRs), which really came back to bite me in the bum.

We all who are/were in LDRs don't intend to be divorced by 24 either.. I sort of resent the implication. But no big deal

Basically, if people are working on their own time instead of working on God's clock, I think they are on the wrong track.

~ ~

I like it! Ditto to that, sista!

 

[Glorianna]

I always love reading Blue Impulse's posts because she has so many great insights and ideas!

 

[E-beth]

This is true, but... think of it this way...

Shouldn't you test drive a car before you buy it?

What kind of problems could this create in a marriage? We already know it's "supposedly" wrong, but how will certain details concering this affect the marriage?

Sure, you test drive a car. But do you crash it to see how it will handle when involved in a head-on? Or do you spill grape juice on the seats so you will know how spills wipe off the interior?

For that matter, do we try heroine just to see that it affects our heart health?

Pre-marital sex for the sake of making sure the plumbing works together is, imo, a cop-out. Using the Bible to make teh old fornication is not premarital sex argument is as well. ANYONE can find scripture to support their desire to sin without feeling much guilt. However, God knows when His rules are being disobeyed and His blessing is not on a sinful relationship.

I have had pre-marital sex as well as marital sex. Married sex is totally different. It is better, more comfortable, and more luxurious. And that comes from having God's blessing, not because my toothbrush is in the same bathroom as my "mates"

 

[Glorianna]

Sure, you test drive a car. But do you crash it to see how it will handle when involved in a head-on? Or do you spill grape juice on the seats so you will know how spills wipe off the interior?

For that matter, do we try heroine just to see that it affects our heart health?

Pre-marital sex for the sake of making sure the plumbing works together is, imo, a cop-out. Using the Bible to make teh old fornication is not premarital sex argument is as well. ANYONE can find scripture to support their desire to sin without feeling much guilt. However, God knows when His rules are being disobeyed and His blessing is not on a sinful relationship.

I have had pre-marital sex as well as marital sex. Married sex is totally different. It is better, more comfortable, and more luxurious. And that comes from having God's blessing, not because my toothbrush is in the same bathroom as my "mates"

Wow, thanks for your post E-beth. That was very insightful. I love analogies!

 

[E-beth]

MOD NOTE
I also want to remind everyone that in order to post here, you must remember that CF has specific rules about advocating behavior that is unbiblical.

Co-habitating is not expressly listed in the rules, but extramarital activity is. So I remind everyone to watch what you are supporting and how you word things VERY carefully.

 

[Glorianna]

Thanks E-beth. I hope you know that note wasn't for everyone on this thread! A lot of us don't support that kind of activity!

 

[eyeliv4God]

I wasn't supporting pre-marital sex at all, so I'm sorry if anyone misunderstood!

 

[Glorianna]

I'm not sure if it was you that E-beth was referring to.

 

[nahMish]

from what i am learning in life.... if i am asking questions of whether something is right or wrong-----that is saying to me that i am not totally convinced (no questions asked ) RIGHT thing to do and that i think it is wrong, but im trying to find a way to rationalise it....

i have no desire to "know" about my man's little 'quirks' are now-i dont want to have the toothpaste 'which way do they squeeze wars' or to fully understand how he folds his laundry....that stuff is just details...and stuff i want to discover with him as my husband, i think it adds to your togetherness....

and yes, i think that living together before you are married isnt the way to go...you may think that the text "and a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife" is outdated and old, but what other bits do you just eradicate cos it isnt ''modern?"

sure, the culture has changed and its becoming acceptable-but its asking for trouble, its hard enough when you dont live together, let alone if you do !

 

[Glorianna]

i have no desire to "know" about my man's little 'quirks' are now-i dont want to have the toothpaste 'which way do they squeeze wars' or to fully understand how he folds his laundry....that stuff is just details...and stuff i want to discover with him as my husband, i think it adds to your togetherness....

I would definitely have to agree with this. I can't wait until I can discover these things about my HUSBAND (notice I don't say boyfriend or fiance! ).

 

[charligirl]

I have lived with men before I got married in my backslidden days, I have also had pre-marital sex with those men, I can tell you that marriage is completely different. You may well have been flatmates before, but living together as a married couple is not the same.

Personally I was very hot on this topic when I was engaged, I used to think nothing of my boyfriend staying over - heck I used to get into bed for a cuddle last thing at night and first thing in the morning, telling myself this was all ok because we never had sex. We even shared a bed once or twice when we were away. In all this time we never actually had sex... but we did take things too far on occasion. As we got closer to the wedding all this weighed heavily on me - I didn't even want to wake up under the same roof as my fiance - I can't explain what changed I guess it must just have been God convicting me. I wanted to keep as much special for after our wedding as possible.

I can tell you now that I regret even doing what we did, it took the edge of things somehow, how I wish I had been stronger - and remember we never had sex before our wedding night and I still have a sense of loss.

'Trying out' a spouse either living together or sexually is the worlds view of how to go about it. What if you don't like it? what will you do? Break up?

Living together is really a 'trial' marriage and a pretend trial marriage does not have God's covenant and committment upholding it to fuel it, in many cases they end up with a 'trial' divorce... it might all be pretend and trial but I can tell you from experience the emotions that go with it are VERY real.

My advice would be either make a committment and cut that covenant together in a wedding vow or live separately. Any half-way house is asking for trouble, ask the people who tried it when they are a few years into their marriage whether they would recommend it.

God intended that two become one flesh, the man leaving his parents to cleave to his wife.

 

[Glorianna]

Thanks for sharing that charligirl. It's good to have the opinion of someone who's been there and is now married.

 

[MagicStar723]

too bad I didn't have good *foresight* BEFORE i did all those things, hehe.

~ ~

That's how we learn, and how we can advise others not to fall in the same pit. All part of God's plan!

 

[MagicStar723]

Marrying a guy I only see for a day or two every couple months would be a sin in my eyes. THAT is walking into fire. It would be a marriage based on nothing but false expectations, unforeseen incompatibilities, and utter stupidity.

I'm not going to be divorced by the time I'm 24. Sex isn't the worst thing that can happen to two people in love.

Being seperated helps you grow stronger. Test the strength of you relationship. Think the people that are going to be divorced by the time they are 24 are the ones that can't handle seperation.
All part of growing in a relationship.

 

[MagicStar723]

Well today is (was) the day I moved out of my bf's house. We were flatmates before the relationship began, and started looking at changing the living arrangements soon after we got together.

I've all ready shared my views on being an example to the younger women at church, the ease of temptation, etc etc time and time again on here, so I'm not going to bore you with it all again.

I will say this, though. There is a part of me that is sad I won't be experiencing little everyday house things with him for the first time after we're married. Things like buying stuff for our house, cooking together, even silly little things like how each other clean our teeth, and how we each sleep are little things I know all ready and won't get to learn for the first time after our wedding. It may sound silly, but I am sad that I won't experience all of that for the first time. I'm REALLY sad that I've all ready shared a room with him a few times (on holidays with his brother and stuff - one bedroom house), as although that might make it easy when it comes to adjusting to another person in the room when we're married, I'm sad that the first night we sleep together on our wedding night (ie as in LITERAL sleep), won't be the first time ever.

That stuff makes me sad.

Sasch

Sasch,
I can soooooooooo relate to that! My bf and I got too involved at one point and the sad part wasn't stopping, the sad part was realizing we won't have the thrill on our wedding night.

 

[Glorianna]

That's how we learn, and how we can advise others not to fall in the same pit. All part of God's plan!

It's true. But I don't think she said she regretted it!

 

[Glorianna]

I try not to regret most of my life, as hard as it is, because that would mean I'd regret who I am today, which I have to assume is exactly who God made me to be I try to see it as hard life lessons and learning experiences that forge who I am today, although I think we all relate to the fact that none of us actually see it as a learning experience until down the road a bit, hehe.

EXACTLY!