House MATES?

[hugnluvable]

Hi there.... what are your views on living with your s/o before you wed? I know that some of you have acted against it etc and there are so many opinions thrown around on here about it. But is it really sinful? Or do you believe it to be an act that can contribute towards sin....

Love n hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Oh boy! This is a really hot button issue in all circles, not just on this forum.

But is it really sinful?

It depends on the living arrangements. I would say sleeping in the same bed, showering together, etc. are certainly sinful. Living under the same roof isn't sinful, per se but it does seem questionable. First, the Bible says that we are to live in the world but not of it. Cohabitation out of wedlock is a "wordly" practice, sort of a "trial marriage". Second, one of the greatest joys of being newlyweds is learning the little household rituals you both have. Does he/she squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom or the middle? Do they store glasses in the cupboards rim side up or down? Do they use liquid or bar soap? How do they like their laundry folded, etc. All these little quirks and nuances are not any fun once you get married, because you have already solved the little mysteries of your SO.
The Bible also says to abstain from the appearance of evil. Is it "evil" to live together? I would say no; however, what sort of message does that send to unbelievers and babes in Christ?

Or do you believe it to be an act that can contribute towards sin.

Uh yeah. Most definitely. That's the biggest issue. The Bible says flee from sexual immorality, not walk right into the fire.

 

[eyeliv4God]

I'm going to live with David before we're married. I don't think it's wrong. That's all I have to say about it.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

 

[hugnluvable]

I'm going to live with David before we're married. I don't think it's wrong. That's all I have to say about it.

Hye eyeliv thanks for the reply - thats how I feel as well. I'm going to live with my boyfriend before we're married. I dont think its WRONG wrong. But although this is my view its good to see other's opinions about it and be challenged by them so you know that you really believe in your plans and know what you're letting yourself in for.

As for the whole sex before marriage thing - there are alot of people that can stay strong and resist through that sort of temptation y'know!

Love and hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[hugnluvable]

Hi there Fluffy Rainbow, thanks for your reply....

Second, one of the greatest joys of being newlyweds is learning the little household rituals you both have. Does he/she squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom or the middle? Do they store glasses in the cupboards rim side up or down? Do they use liquid or bar soap? How do they like their laundry folded, etc. All these little quirks and nuances are not any fun once you get married, because you have already solved the little mysteries of your SO.

Thing is, we were once flatmates before we went out and so we've experienced that before. I'd say that the even greatest joy of being married though is to share the same surname. To have the same name on the cheque book, on the home address, on the bills!

There are some things that people have to overcome before getting married, especially the fear that what if living with each other post marriage causes friction that causes the couple to fall out...? This can have even stronger repercussions if there are children involved. Its not a nice fear, and maybe living with each other before getting married can resolve this?

The Bible also says to abstain from the appearance of evil. Is it "evil" to live together? I would say no; however, what sort of message does that send to unbelievers and babes in Christ?

Um, that this couple are living under the same roof in a two bedroomed semi detached house?

Love and many hugs
erica
xxx

 

[hugnluvable]

while this may be true, I think its very naive for anyone to think they are "above temptation"

Maybe you can resist.. but maybe you will fall, because we are not perfect, and we are all sinners. There is no way to tell before you put yourself in the situation. And a lot of people end up regretting ever putting themselves in the situation at all to "test" that theory.

Even the strong are still sinners.

~ ~

YeaH, i agree with that hun.... i didnt mean to make it sound as if people are "above temptation". There is something in the bible somewhere that warns us against being lambs amongst the wolves.... I'll find it soon...

Hmmm, mental note - stop making too many sweeping statements!

Love and hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[PurpleBunny]

Hi there.... what are your views on living with your s/o before you wed? I know that some of you have acted against it etc and there are so many opinions thrown around on here about it. But is it really sinful? Or do you believe it to be an act that can contribute towards sin....

Love n hugs
Erica
xxx

To be quite honest I lived with several guys just as platonic housemates and it's not really something I want to experience again til I'm married and HAVE to live with a messy stinky male! *giggles*

But while it is possible to have a pure, chaste relationship while being housemates with one's S/O, I have to agree with the others who've posted and say that it's a very, very tempting situation to be in. Also, the general assumption by other people will be that you ARE having sex. Even other Christians. (And I know because I've made this sort of assumption about Christian friends who moved in together before--and while the assumption was wrong when they first moved in together, it ended up being right later on because they did fall into temptation.)

It's best just not to risk it. If you need roommates for financial reasons, find another Christian couple who also want a taste of independence before getting married... you can move in with the other gal and her bf can move in with your guy ... and you can also be unofficial accountability partners for each other

Best of luck to ya!

 

[plum]

To tell you the truth I'd like to live with him before we're married (it'd be cheaper) but I don't think we should. I don't trust myself. Period.

 

[Maeyken]

I wouldn't trust myself either, Julia. I know myself too well. It's too easy for me to get into tempting situations now... I can't imagine what would happen if we lived together! (well actually I can, and I know it wouldn't be good!)

 

[Singin4Him]

Statistically the divorce rate is higher for couples who live together before marriage than couples who did not. Same goes with pre-marital sex. Something to think about.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Well today is (was) the day I moved out of my bf's house. We were flatmates before the relationship began, and started looking at changing the living arrangements soon after we got together.

I've all ready shared my views on being an example to the younger women at church, the ease of temptation, etc etc time and time again on here, so I'm not going to bore you with it all again.

I will say this, though. There is a part of me that is sad I won't be experiencing little everyday house things with him for the first time after we're married. Things like buying stuff for our house, cooking together, even silly little things like how each other clean our teeth, and how we each sleep are little things I know all ready and won't get to learn for the first time after our wedding. It may sound silly, but I am sad that I won't experience all of that for the first time. I'm REALLY sad that I've all ready shared a room with him a few times (on holidays with his brother and stuff - one bedroom house), as although that might make it easy when it comes to adjusting to another person in the room when we're married, I'm sad that the first night we sleep together on our wedding night (ie as in LITERAL sleep), won't be the first time ever.

That stuff makes me sad.

Sasch

 

[Glorianna]

I have lived with guys in the past, and I lived with my husband before we were married as well. And all I can say is: if you do it, you are just painting a big ol' bullseye on your behind for sin. I fell to it time and time and time and time again, even after I became Christian.

Here's the bottom line for me: If you are against sex before marriage, then living with your s/o is just asking for trouble.

Try to keep out of temptations way ><

~ ~

Let me just say that Blue Impulse has great insights on things!

 

[Glorianna]

too bad I didn't have good *foresight* BEFORE i did all those things, hehe.~ ~

I guess that's true.

 

[Arikereba]

It may not be a good idea, but it seems to me that there are situations where there just isn't a better alternative.

I'm in a long-distance relationship. I don't expect either one of us to be able to move closer to the other, for financial reasons, unless we're living under the same roof, unless I get hired in the city where he lives--which isn't likely. I'm not fooling myself and saying it'll be easy. I'll have to watch myself. But it's better than walking into marriage 100% unprepared, or giving up on the relationship. And, when it comes down to it, I think that slipping up and having sex is better than walking into marriage unprepared, or giving up on the relationship, even if it does happen.

 

[FaithfulServant]

If you're trying not get burned(premarital sex), why throw yourself into the fire(living together)?

 

[Arikereba]

Marrying a guy I only see for a day or two every couple months would be a sin in my eyes. THAT is walking into fire. It would be a marriage based on nothing but false expectations, unforeseen incompatibilities, and utter stupidity.

I'm not going to be divorced by the time I'm 24. Sex isn't the worst thing that can happen to two people in love.

 

[Glorianna]

You don't have to give up on a relationship just because its an LDR.. the choices are not limited to: move in with him, or break up. You make it sound like thats the only choice.. just look at some of the people in LDRs here, a few of the engaged couples are LDR and not just that but International LDRs, and they are doing everything they can to be able to marry in a cross-border situation, but not live with their fiances. (I truly commend you guys for that by the way )

Thanks honey!

It may take time, but there will always be an alternative to *sinning*. Always. You make it sound like its better to sin than not to sin Better to give up and just let yourself be tempted rather than some alternative, and doing things in God's time rather than our time.

That's what it sounded like to me too... kinda scary.

 

[Glorianna]

np, you're one tough cookie

You are such a sweetie. Thank you very much; that's what I needed to hear.

 

[eyeliv4God]

Statistically the divorce rate is higher for couples who live together before marriage than couples who did not. Same goes with pre-marital sex. Something to think about.

This is true, but... think of it this way...

Shouldn't you test drive a car before you buy it?

What kind of problems could this create in a marriage? We already know it's "supposedly" wrong, but how will certain details concering this affect the marriage?