Hi I have vow ocd. I have been having problems because I sometimes make vows "to the holy spirit". Sometimes, out of confusion or compulsion I have made a few on purpose. Sometimes I do not know if one was made on purpose or not. There are a few I have made on purpose.
I also have a problem in that it is not always that I am having 'pop up' thoughts, but sometimes I will make one on purpose to counteract a pop up thought.
The problem is that some of them are on purpose. I know that sounds ridiculous. It's weird, I hate the vows so much, yet I make some of them on purpose. Sometimes I feel so compelled to make a vow, I just make it in an effort to make the thinking stop. I have also, as I said, make vows in an effort to counteract a vow. Like if I think "I vow to never do this" and I hate that idea I will say :"I vow that I WILL DO THAT". I realize this is very stupid and foolish.
I feel like if I break intentional/semi intentional vows that they REALLY are real. Most obsessive compulsives realize that their ideas are not real, but mine I really do genuinely think they are real. I know that God knows I have ocd, but I am still responsible for using his name in a stupid way.
I will give you an example:
One day I was asleep and in my dream I dreamt of handing someone two of my textbooks. When I woke up, I was still half asleep and not thinking clearly. So I thought in my head "I vow that I will donate two of my textbooks to the thrift store". And I went back to sleep.
Later, I woke up and did as I had said. But I was very upset since I had spent hundreds of dollars on those books. I became very scared and wanted to counteract that thought. I was feeling scared that I had to keep donating and donating. I keep feeling like I hadn't donated the textbooks right because they gave me a coupon afterwards. I did not want to donate any more, so I decided I was going to "counteract" a vow.
So I thought (on purpose) "Holy Spirit".... and I started vowing. I vowed something along these lines (but maybe not exactly). I will not give away any more textbooks that I get in the next year unless I forced to by my parents or someone in my family does that accidentally. But I will sell all the textbooks I get in the next year. I may have made a provision to not "count" online textbooks, but I am really not sure.
I feel really stupid since I am certain that vow was on purpose. I should have been more strong and said "no, I will not donate any more" instead of binding myself to a vow.
Anyways, as part of an assignment I downloaded a chapter of a textbook. But I did not realize this until later. I do not know what to do since I cannot "sell" a chapter I downloaded on the computer. I am scared. I think it is maybe an option to find that specific textbook, buy it and sell it.
I also realized that in my syllabus, there is a required reading that is also a chapter from a textbook. If I had the option, I would just buy the whole book and resell it, but that is not really an option. I am quite afraid. I am terrified of my vows. I don't want God to send me to hell for being so foolish and stupid and I need help.
I also have a problem in that it is not always that I am having 'pop up' thoughts, but sometimes I will make one on purpose to counteract a pop up thought.
The problem is that some of them are on purpose. I know that sounds ridiculous. It's weird, I hate the vows so much, yet I make some of them on purpose. Sometimes I feel so compelled to make a vow, I just make it in an effort to make the thinking stop. I have also, as I said, make vows in an effort to counteract a vow. Like if I think "I vow to never do this" and I hate that idea I will say :"I vow that I WILL DO THAT". I realize this is very stupid and foolish.
I feel like if I break intentional/semi intentional vows that they REALLY are real. Most obsessive compulsives realize that their ideas are not real, but mine I really do genuinely think they are real. I know that God knows I have ocd, but I am still responsible for using his name in a stupid way.
I will give you an example:
One day I was asleep and in my dream I dreamt of handing someone two of my textbooks. When I woke up, I was still half asleep and not thinking clearly. So I thought in my head "I vow that I will donate two of my textbooks to the thrift store". And I went back to sleep.
Later, I woke up and did as I had said. But I was very upset since I had spent hundreds of dollars on those books. I became very scared and wanted to counteract that thought. I was feeling scared that I had to keep donating and donating. I keep feeling like I hadn't donated the textbooks right because they gave me a coupon afterwards. I did not want to donate any more, so I decided I was going to "counteract" a vow.
So I thought (on purpose) "Holy Spirit".... and I started vowing. I vowed something along these lines (but maybe not exactly). I will not give away any more textbooks that I get in the next year unless I forced to by my parents or someone in my family does that accidentally. But I will sell all the textbooks I get in the next year. I may have made a provision to not "count" online textbooks, but I am really not sure.
I feel really stupid since I am certain that vow was on purpose. I should have been more strong and said "no, I will not donate any more" instead of binding myself to a vow.
Anyways, as part of an assignment I downloaded a chapter of a textbook. But I did not realize this until later. I do not know what to do since I cannot "sell" a chapter I downloaded on the computer. I am scared. I think it is maybe an option to find that specific textbook, buy it and sell it.
I also realized that in my syllabus, there is a required reading that is also a chapter from a textbook. If I had the option, I would just buy the whole book and resell it, but that is not really an option. I am quite afraid. I am terrified of my vows. I don't want God to send me to hell for being so foolish and stupid and I need help.
