Hi, I am new here. I have smoked for 8 years. I feel so alone and hopeless in this struggle. Unlike most people, I did not start when I was a kid. I started when I was 28. I was so sad and depressed and had so much rage against myself. At that time I did anything I could to harm myself because I didn't even want to live. That went on for several years until finally I just asked God to tell me if He was real and if He cared whether I lived or died. He did - and my life was never the same since! I started to want to live, I quit all my sexual sins, I stopped drinking - I lost all desire for those things! All but smoking. I still do it every day, still rely on it and still love it (while hating it at the same time). I thought that Jesus would take that desire away like He did all the others. Granted, the self-hatred took a good year of horrible mental torment where I had to scream out to God for help to not hurt myself. But that - the thing I had NO control over - is totally gone now. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to stop smoking. And I have given up on it. I don't think He will ever answer me. I read testimonies of how He just took the desire away from other people, and it makes me think there is something wrong with me that God won't help me. I feel like God does not love me if He knows that I cannot quit and yet He does not seem to answer me. I am so ashamed of smoking, and I feel I can't be close to Jesus because of it - and I so desperately want to be close to Him! Please pray for me. Thank you for listening.