Hey!
I just logged in for the first time in months, and I don't really recognise many names, so i don't know if anyone who clicks on this thread will know who I am, but, I am Finn, and I used to post here quite regularly.
I used to be a self harmer!
I just really wanted to thank everyone on this site for the support you provided during some of my darkest times and toughest challenges and to offer encouragement for those of you still struggling!
I was a harmer for over two years, but I recently beat my 10 week target! (I don't count anymore after a point i found it became a hindrance more than a help, but 9 weeks was the longest i had ever stopped for during those 2 years so the 10 week goal was the last thing hanging over me, keeping me from finally beating it!)
So here's whats been going on...I'd been working through some stuff on my own for a while, then working through some stuff with my friends for a longer while and still kept on going over and over the same cycles. I was always asking the question 'whats wrong with me?' anyway, a few months ago i finally went to my doctor, who was throughly unhelpful, and non understanding, and basically told me she didn't know what was wrong with me...i wasn't depressed, and i wasn't stressed i don't suffer from anxiety and have good self esteem! This was however indication that i had been making progress on my own/with my friends, and she did refer me to a specialist.
A while later we had a focused prayer time with my small
group...something that we're not very good at, and havn't done since, but which on that occasion was awesome! we were more open with each other than we had been being, and God really moved in us and blessed us as we prayed for one another that night! Since that night about four months ago, i have only cut on one occasion!
A couple of weeks later i went to see that specialist I had been referred to , but since I had been feeling so good for the last fortnight, she didn't think there was anything wrong with me either, and said that their unit couldn't help me! I laughed to myself when i heard her results...there was nothing wrong with me! Gradually, over the next few weeks, I stopped feeling like there was!
The last couple of months have been amazing! I have been so aware of how my thinking has changed, I'm coping with the same issues, the same trials...but Im coping! i think about things differently, don't panic as quickly, Im not triggered as easily...and the scars are healing-inside and out! I've started treating them now, and they're healing up fast! Its really exciting!
Back in September, i would never have believed I could be in this place, but here I am!
Im not going to claim a miracle at this stage. Im realistic, and realise that Im still vulerable, i keep the same support in place, I still use distraction techniques occasionally, and avoid potential triggers, I know from experience how easy it can be to slip back into old habits, but I DO feel different this time!
So I just wanted to bring you guys some hope! It can change! Things can get better! Often its a long, difficult process, and you need to work through a lot of uncomfortable stuff, but once you break the cycle, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Do take it a day at a time, and before you even realise where you are it will have been weeks, months, years since the last time! And you wont even think about it anymore! You CAN be free!!
Love and prayers x
Finn88
I just logged in for the first time in months, and I don't really recognise many names, so i don't know if anyone who clicks on this thread will know who I am, but, I am Finn, and I used to post here quite regularly.
I used to be a self harmer!
I just really wanted to thank everyone on this site for the support you provided during some of my darkest times and toughest challenges and to offer encouragement for those of you still struggling!
I was a harmer for over two years, but I recently beat my 10 week target! (I don't count anymore after a point i found it became a hindrance more than a help, but 9 weeks was the longest i had ever stopped for during those 2 years so the 10 week goal was the last thing hanging over me, keeping me from finally beating it!)
So here's whats been going on...I'd been working through some stuff on my own for a while, then working through some stuff with my friends for a longer while and still kept on going over and over the same cycles. I was always asking the question 'whats wrong with me?' anyway, a few months ago i finally went to my doctor, who was throughly unhelpful, and non understanding, and basically told me she didn't know what was wrong with me...i wasn't depressed, and i wasn't stressed i don't suffer from anxiety and have good self esteem! This was however indication that i had been making progress on my own/with my friends, and she did refer me to a specialist.
A while later we had a focused prayer time with my small
group...something that we're not very good at, and havn't done since, but which on that occasion was awesome! we were more open with each other than we had been being, and God really moved in us and blessed us as we prayed for one another that night! Since that night about four months ago, i have only cut on one occasion! A couple of weeks later i went to see that specialist I had been referred to , but since I had been feeling so good for the last fortnight, she didn't think there was anything wrong with me either, and said that their unit couldn't help me! I laughed to myself when i heard her results...there was nothing wrong with me! Gradually, over the next few weeks, I stopped feeling like there was!
The last couple of months have been amazing! I have been so aware of how my thinking has changed, I'm coping with the same issues, the same trials...but Im coping! i think about things differently, don't panic as quickly, Im not triggered as easily...and the scars are healing-inside and out! I've started treating them now, and they're healing up fast! Its really exciting!
Back in September, i would never have believed I could be in this place, but here I am!
Im not going to claim a miracle at this stage. Im realistic, and realise that Im still vulerable, i keep the same support in place, I still use distraction techniques occasionally, and avoid potential triggers, I know from experience how easy it can be to slip back into old habits, but I DO feel different this time!
So I just wanted to bring you guys some hope! It can change! Things can get better! Often its a long, difficult process, and you need to work through a lot of uncomfortable stuff, but once you break the cycle, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Do take it a day at a time, and before you even realise where you are it will have been weeks, months, years since the last time! And you wont even think about it anymore! You CAN be free!!
Love and prayers x
Finn88
