"Hope"

[onlyzc]

Hello, this is one of my failed attempts a writing; please be harsh, I want to get better. However, try to have an open mind; the meaning of the title lies in what we know not what you'll read.

“Hope”​

Utter blackened imperfection​

stains the color of this soul so leery;​

Void, but given of direction,​

this soul for pride wanders weary;​

And in the light of clear discernment,​

distrust consumes this soul, expanding scorn;​

For in and of it’s own contentment,​

this soul is blind and deaf, self forced to mourn.​

 

[Alternate Carpark]

If it was a failed attempt you wouldn't have written anything.
I can offer no criticism because this type of writing is unfathomable to me.
All I can suggest is you read "Failing Forward" by John Maxwell and fail you're whoopsie off toward success in your writing endevours.

 

[onlyzc]

Um, okay. Thanks?

 

[Lycana]

Well I don't think it's a failure. But the end dosen't sound like "hope", sounds like despair. Instead of saying "utter blackened", I would say "utter black". I think it rhymes well and I like the words that you use. Not a bad poem at all.

 

[onlyzc]

First, keep in mind what you know as a Christian. Hope is found in that belief.
Second "black" not "blackened" presents a sylable problem, but thank for the suggestion. I'll consider it.

 

[AFallingStar]

I liked it! I'm trying to understand the connection between the title and the poem...is it that despite all that (in the poem), therein still lies hope? Just curious. Nice job on the poem though! Thanks for sharing.

 

[onlyzc]

I liked it! I'm trying to understand the connection between the title and the poem...is it that despite all that (in the poem), therein still lies hope? Just curious. Nice job on the poem though! Thanks for sharing.

Well it's meant to make you think for one, but I intended it to mean that Hope is found not in the that which you read but that which you know. Hope springs eternal from Christ our Lord. All the poem would be true for everyone were we completely deprived of Christ.

 

[Tricia4Jesus]

Hello, this is one of my failed attempts a writing; please be harsh, I want to get better. However, try to have an open mind; the meaning of the title lies in what we know not what you'll read.

“Hope”
Utter blackened imperfection
stains the color of this soul so leery;
Void, but given of direction,
this soul for pride wanders weary;
And in the light of clear discernment,
distrust consumes this soul, expanding scorn;
For in and of it’s own contentment,


this soul is blind and deaf, self forced to mourn.​

Absolutely Fantastic!!!!!