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Hope is fading

tryingtobe

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I got an email from DH today and he refuses to tell me where he is or when he might contact me. I think he's been going back to the house while I'm at work because things are moved around, but when I asked him (via email) he says I probably moved them. I paid close attention after the first time so that I would know I wasn't going crazy. I don't feel like he's planning on ooming home because he took almost everything and left his wedding rings. He says he loves me but is putting me through something no one should have to endure. I was not aware of him knowing anyone in our city (since he moved here from away), but our town has a bad reputation for women being with men who are involved and allowing them to live with them. We call it "Baby boy syndrome" becasue the men here either live off a woman or go home to their mom. My point is that I am afraid he is with someone else. He say when I ask him that it pushes him further away, but he also told me he's not in the city and I know that he is because I tracked the IP address to the computer he's using (and it's always the same). He's blaming me for him leaving and telling me that he dosen't want me sending him emails that are inconsistent (sometimes I try to be very positive and other times I let it out that I am just hurting so bad). So I don't know what is left to do. He won't call. He dosen't want to write. He won't tell me where he is. He said he needs to work out his stuff about he and I but he can we work it out when he's not even communicating with me? I feel so lost and abandoned. I don't know what else to do to fight for my marriage. :help:
 

gracefaith

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Okay, forget about him for a second. You can't help him or control him. If he's going to be irresponsible, you can't stop him.

I'm worried about you. Do you have a pastor you are talking to? Is your family around to support you? Is there someone who could move in with you for a little while to keep you company?

I know it's terrible to suggest that you give up trying to get him home and I'm not suggesting that, but you do need to take care of yourself and get some support around you.

We're all praying for both of you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you both.
 
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MaraPetra

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Gracefaith is so right. You can't change your husband's decisions, and it looks like you're not reaching him on an emotional level. Something is going on here which is very much out of your control :(

You need to take care of yourself at this point. Marshall prayer warriors around you, and be sure to have emotional outlets available to you. Your pastor, friends, relatives, emotional health services...All of these can help you cope with what is a very sudden and emotional time in your life.

Answers to why your husband would do this are probably elusive at this point, so I suggest you don't worry about them (easier said than done). Instead, concentrate on yourself, leave yourself emotionally open to your husband if he does decide to return, and take precautions to protect yourself if he does not return.

Practicalities at this point are of importance. CHANGE YOUR HOME LOCKS. I can't stress this enough. If your husband is emotionally detached, then who knows what can happen with him still accessing the home when you're not there.

If you two share a bank account, get your name off of it, and open an account in your name only. It's become a situation where you cannot guarantee your husband's goodwill regarding you. It's also been my experience that a spouse who leaves will generally display less and less consideration as time goes by. In my case, it took my ex only a few weeks. :(

If it sounds like I'm telling you to give up, this isn't the case. You, and more importantly, God, knows where your heart lies. But because the situation has become something where you have very little control, and your husband is not looking out for your best interests, then you need to take precautions to protect yourself and take care of yourself.

Mara
 
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gracefaith

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Practicalities at this point are of importance. CHANGE YOUR HOME LOCKS. I can't stress this enough. If your husband is emotionally detached, then who knows what can happen with him still accessing the home when you're not there.

If you two share a bank account, get your name off of it, and open an account in your name only. It's become a situation where you cannot guarantee your husband's goodwill regarding you. It's also been my experience that a spouse who leaves will generally display less and less consideration as time goes by. In my case, it took my ex only a few weeks. :(
I wanted to say this too. It's hard but you need to take practical as well as emotional steps to protect yourself.
 
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tryingtobe

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He didn't have access to my bank account but when he left I went through his things and he had my online banking password which I didn't give to him. I changed it immediately. As for the locks, I will take your advice as it comes from both of you with my best interest in mind. I appreciate that so much. I sent him an email today and said I'm done emailing him. I feel like I'm pushing him away with my feelings and I'll be home when and if he decides to come back. I left him my blog address where I post poetry about what I am feeling and said if he is interested in my feelings he can check there. I'm trying to be strong and I have great support from family and friends ( and all the people on this site - thanks so much)
 
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gracefaith

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I'm glad to hear you have a strong group of people supporting you. It really breaks my heart that you are suffering so much, but I believe that God will work out all things for the best - whatever that may be.

Take care of yourself and keep us updated. God be with you,

Grace
 
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