Homosexual?

[Love_4_Jesus]

How does someone truly know if they are a homosexual?

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I can only speak for myself...

When I was young (pre-teen), I found other boys attractive. When I got into high school, I dated girls because that's what everyone else did. When I was 17 I realized that I was gay becuase I couldn't deny the fact that I was in love with another boy at school.

So, I decided to delve into church even more and pray almost constantly to God to make me straight. I begged God to make me find my girlfriend attractive sexually.

And then I went to college, and I dated another girl for four years while in college. The entire time, I was finding other men attactive sexually, but I pushed those thoughts away and joined the Christian ministry on campus and also engulfed myself in my studies.

Then, after college, I met up with this boy from high school... the one that I had fallen in love with. It turns out we both were working and living in Boston. So, we met up for dinner and he came out of the closet to me.

I freaked out! I got really nervous because he was saying things that I was feeling (trying not to be gay his whole life, having many failed relationships with women, playing straight for his parents, being depressed about not being his true self, etc).

So, I ran out of dinner and was lost, emotionally, for weeks.

When I saw him again, months later, he asked what happened. I told him that what he had told me had freaked me out because it made me face my feelings.

I asked him "How do I truly know if I'm a homosexual?"

And he replied "What do you fantasize about?"

I said "Other Men"

He asked "When you touch, what do you think about?"

I replied: "Men with men"

He said "Well, you are the only one that can answer this, but masturbation is the only time you cannot lie to yourself about what you are, and what you enjoy, sexually."

That pretty much made things crystal clear for me.

Hope that helps trying to answer your questions...

 

[forgivenmuch]

everything descibed here was lust .. sin .. and that sums it up.

 

[Love_4_Jesus]

How do you become right with God if you are a homosexual? How do you really rid your selfish desires and not look at the person of the same gender in the wrong way?

 

[Matt Never Existed]

Wow.

Let me say this: your sexuality isn't something you choose. No one makes the decision to like guys or girls or both, its just how they are born and grow into.

Actions, though, are where our freewill comes into play. Straight sex doesn't make you straight, just as gay sex doesn't make you gay. (And its important to remember: If you do decide to have sex, use a condom. Safe sex > Death)

-Matt

 

[Sam Gamgee]

How do you become right with God if you are a homosexual? How do you really rid your selfish desires and not look at the person of the same gender in the wrong way?

Well...

I pray every day for God's love.

And I don't believe that I am looking at a person of the same gender in the wrong way. I believe that looking upon someone with love is a blessing in itself.

I understand what you are getting at, and it is difficult to answer your question because I'm coming to your question from a very different viewpoint.

There are others (kdet, I believe) who were homosexuals and claim that they have conquered their desires and are now happily married. Maybe someone like that would be better to answer your questions.

 

[Matt Never Existed]

How do you become right with God if you are a homosexual? How do you really rid your selfish desires and not look at the person of the same gender in the wrong way?

The same way everyone else 'gets right' with God, through Christ.

And what is 'selfish' about desires for the same sex? Is it 'selfish' to also desire the opposite sex?

[BIBLE]Matthew 5:28[/BIBLE]

 

[doofus125]

How do you become right with God if you are a homosexual? How do you really rid your selfish desires and not look at the person of the same gender in the wrong way?

How old are you? How long have you struggled with this? Have you talked to anyone about it like a friend?

First, Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm going through this myself and have learned not to let the struggle and temptations control me. It's not worth making yourself miserable over something you can't control. You basicly have 2 choices, live with it and serve God with all your heart or serve God and ask him to change your heart and if he doesn't then there is a reason why and that is because he is using your struggle to help someone at some point.
-----

Wow.

Let me say this: your sexuality isn't something you choose. No one makes the decision to like guys or girls or both, its just how they are born and grow into.

Actions, though, are where our freewill comes into play. Straight sex doesn't make you straight, just as gay sex doesn't make you gay. (And its important to remember: If you do decide to have sex, use a condom. Safe sex > Death)

-Matt

Matt, I just have to say that I have read your posts and encouragement to those who have this struggle and that I have grown a great respect for you because of your openness and love for others and I just want to say thank you.

Love_4_Jesus, I never choose to be gay, I didn't wake up one day and say hey, I wonder what it's like to like a guy. I can remember when I was 14, the first time I learned what sex was in 8th grade health class, until then I had no clue, but even before then I found myself drawn to the other guys in a physical way as far back as 4-5 years old. To be honest, I went home that day and for the first time in my life I masterbated and nothing happened with the thought of a hot woman, but the instant a good looking guy popped into my head it was over. I can't explain why, I know I didn't choose to be attracted to men, but I am.

I do believe that it's a sin to act upon the feelings, but at the same time I question, why was I born this way. Yes I've acted upon my feelings many times and you know what, I regret it all. Just yesterday I was with someone, someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, but I did something that was wrong.

My encouragement for you is to find a friend that you trust and ask them to hold you accountable, also, find a pastor who you can trust and ask them to do the same. If you have a few people around you that know you are struggleing they can be there to support you, but making that first step is the hardest, but it's something you need to do.

 

[forgivenmuch]

Most Gays Have Been Sexually Abused. Its A Sin To Be Gay .. And You Think It Is Ok To Be That Way. If You Are Struggling With It And Know That Its Wrong Then That Is Different.

 

[swimmer45]

you guys are so right, i too have struggles since my teens, wish i had been able to talk my feelings out more with someone, masculinity is caught, not necessarily taught, we have to see it projected before us, i did not, my father and i were not really that close as it turns out. i was always curious if other boys had erections like me, masturbated like me, and so on ....i am 50, it is a much open society now, even in accountability groups, most hardest topics are homosexuality and masturbation. i am glad i have others to talk too....even though i am married and have been for over 2 years, when i touch i think of men..it is a bigger turn on, past experiences or some new fantasizes. i am just opening my heart now to you, i love god and know he loves me, i do not presume on his unfalling love, i have come a long long way, if i were to struggle with this today though, it would be so much easier to settle for the homosexual lifestyle...too bad...our society has lost it aborance of sin.

 

[Love_4_Jesus]

I don't believe that the sin is liking the same sex. I believe that it is inherited at birth. The sin is how you act on your sexual desires. If I am gay, I shouldn't go out with other men. What I should do is stay single. We are all tempted by something. What if I met a partner but we never had sexual relations? we just live together. I am so confused. I am 17 years old. No, I never told anyone that I was gay. I am sure people know sometimes. I was born this way. I am scared that I will fall into sin. I struggled with lust since I was little. I don't understand all this. Sometimes I catch myself looking at someone of the same sex and then I turn my head right away.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

Most Gays Have Been Sexually Abused. Its A Sin To Be Gay .. And You Think It Is Ok To Be That Way. If You Are Struggling With It And Know That Its Wrong Then That Is Different.

Do you have statistics to prove that?

I would agree that SOME gays have been sexually abused, just as some heterosexuals have been sexually abused.

While I am open to the idea that sexual abuse may be the catalyst for someone being homosexual, to say that "Most Gays Have Been Sexually Abused" without providing proof, is absurd.

 

[he_is_risen!!]

I don't believe that the sin is liking the same sex. I believe that it is inherited at birth. The sin is how you act on your sexual desires. If I am gay, I shouldn't go out with other men. What I should do is stay single. We are all tempted by something. What if I met a partner but we never had sexual relations? we just live together. I am so confused. I am 17 years old. No, I never told anyone that I was gay. I am sure people know sometimes. I was born this way. I am scared that I will fall into sin. I struggled with lust since I was little. I don't understand all this. Sometimes I catch myself looking at someone of the same sex and then I turn my head right away.

Okay, here's my 2 cents on it. First off I know exactly where your coming from cause I too struggle with homosexuality on a daily basis. It's a temptation for me, but it has forced me to rely on God's strength and I have become a greater CHristian because of it. I believe that homosexuality is wrong because if you look at the Bible you can see evidence that God thinks it's wrong. (Ie Sodom and Gamora; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11) But every human is born into sin and no one can escape it. And with that inharent sin you are given an opertunity to grow and use that temptation to try and help minister to others.
Now I would say this. I have chosen not to give into this temptation cause the moment I do I have failed myself. I choose everyday that I won't yeild to it and draw on several Bible verses for strength when I start to loose the battle (Psalms 55:22; Psalms 23). I can't tell you what to do just what I believe and how I have chosen to deal with this. The fact is that you aren't stuck how you are at this moment. If you truely want to change you can. It's just a matter of how hard you fight for that goal.
Hope I helped some Let me know if I can do anything. I'm praying for you!

 

[Sam Gamgee]

What if I met a partner but we never had sexual relations? we just live together.

That seems impossible. You'd have to have amazing will power to pull that off.

That'd be like findind someone on the Atkins Diet and putting them in a room full of bread products for the rest of their life.

 

[Love_4_Jesus]

I have been fighting the temptation all of my life. I never had a boyfriend. I had a couple of girlfriend's but I didn't feel that I can get close to them. It is hard now that I am getting older. It was easier when I was younger because my hormone level wasn't as high. I am a young man and I am afraid that I might do something stupid one day if given the chance.

 

[Phenomenon]

I think that I have a lot in common w/ Love4Jesus. I am 17 years old and have been struggling w/ my feelings. It is becoming more and more difficult. Especially because of what other people might think if I let them know what my feelings are. I am pretty sure that I would lose everyone close to me, except for my mother. My father would want to kill me, my friends would leave me...there would be nothing left for me. I feel like I need to tell someone so that I can talk to them, but with the risk of being alone looming around, it makes it very difficult to even think of talking to anyone. I would like to thank all of you who have already posted. Your insight and guidance is very encouraging, especially when all I hear is that all gay people should die from my closest friend, and my father as well. Anyways, thanks again, and God Bless!

 

[KTskater]

I don't believe that the sin is liking the same sex. I believe that it is inherited at birth. The sin is how you act on your sexual desires. If I am gay, I shouldn't go out with other men. What I should do is stay single. We are all tempted by something. What if I met a partner but we never had sexual relations? we just live together. I am so confused. I am 17 years old. No, I never told anyone that I was gay. I am sure people know sometimes. I was born this way. I am scared that I will fall into sin. I struggled with lust since I was little. I don't understand all this. Sometimes I catch myself looking at someone of the same sex and then I turn my head right away.

I personally DO NOT believe people are born homosexual, because this has been just a recent struggle for me. Back then the attractations were still towards boys, but I've always struggled with my sexual identity; since I was about 2. I DO believe that the devil sets people up to fail very early their lives so that somewhere down the line they're going to have some problem or another. Weither it be drinking, drugs, masturbation, lust (towards either sex),gossip, lying, etc...
Satan also does everything in his power to make sin feel good. He makes it feel right, and he quiets our consciouses with the opinions of godless people in the media.
What your doing is what I have been doing. Just push the thoughts away. But so many times that does sufice, and you begin to fall into a trap of acceptance. I do not plan to ever go down the road that many people struggling with this do, which is to give in and assume the God made you this way. I'm gonna fight the good fight of faith and keep my bearings in Christ. I pray you will do the same.
But also remember that feeling these attractions if not a sin, but acting out on them is. If anyone wants to argue or debate about that, I will be glad to present some scripture on the topic.

 

[madison1101]

I have been fighting the temptation all of my life. I never had a boyfriend. I had a couple of girlfriend's but I didn't feel that I can get close to them. It is hard now that I am getting older. It was easier when I was younger because my hormone level wasn't as high. I am a young man and I am afraid that I might do something stupid one day if given the chance.

I understand that you have been suffering with temptation for a long time. That is the way of the Christian life. Your fear of falling into sin is a healthy fear, and you are wise to heed it. But, understand that if you do fall into sin, God's grace is big enough to forgive it. Not that we sin intentionally to receive that grace, but that is the beauty of God.

Keep praying. Keep loving the Lord.

 

[insaneinthebrain]

Moderation

Struggles with Sexuality is a forum primarily for those trying to overcome homosexuality. It is not a debate forum. Should you feel the need to debate homosexuality, please head over to Philosophy & Morality, Liberal Theology or Christian Philosophy and start a discussion. Any non-controversial debate topic needs to be taken to the forum most appropriate for it. Any other deliberate debating in this forum could lead to warnings, etc.

I'll be cleaning this thread out momentarily.

insaneinthebrain - Senior Moderator

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I think that I have a lot in common w/ Love4Jesus. I am 17 years old and have been struggling w/ my feelings. It is becoming more and more difficult. Especially because of what other people might think if I let them know what my feelings are. I am pretty sure that I would lose everyone close to me, except for my mother. My father would want to kill me, my friends would leave me...there would be nothing left for me. I feel like I need to tell someone so that I can talk to them, but with the risk of being alone looming around, it makes it very difficult to even think of talking to anyone. I would like to thank all of you who have already posted. Your insight and guidance is very encouraging, especially when all I hear is that all gay people should die from my closest friend, and my father as well. Anyways, thanks again, and God Bless!

You are on a difficult road.

But, here's the good news. You are only 17 and with each passing year, you are going to be come stronger and stronger and less reliant on your family. And to be honest, if your friends are going to hate you, they weren't your friends to begin with.

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to, send me a PM. I'd be happy to be the "big brother" you need and answer any questions you may have.