Homosexual brother is angry with me and refuses to understand

Harry, isn't it really presumptuous to suggest this man's brother has ulterior motives? You are assuming the brother does not have goodwill toward this man. I don't think that's really fair to interject these kinds of things which are not based on anything the OP has stated. IMO.

You must stay true to God and your faith.

I applaud your resolve in the Lord that you refused to be the best man at your brothers wedding and refused even to attend.

Had you done so all that you held true about that what is an abomination, one of the harshest condemnations the Lord can put forth on human behavior, would have been dishonest.

Your brother now knows how strong your truth is. Your influence isn't wasted on your lost brother. Once the seed of the Lord has been introduced to him by word and by action as he witnessed, even by phone, his brother hold true to his faith, God's link to him was set.

You are not responsible for your brother. He is responsible for himself. The Lord works in his own time. What is important is that you can live with yourself and in your trust in God.

He is forever your brother. You do not have to approve what he does for that family relationship to be true. One can love their brother and not that what they do in the sin that will insure after this life you never see him again.
Hold your brother up in prayer. God knows who he is. And you have made an indelible impression.

Mike to Michael said:

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

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Mike to Michael said:

Another thing that really bothered me was, he said that a few years ago I would have had no problems being his best man at his "big gay wedding". I told him that a few years ago I didn't know Jesus Christ. He said that he wishes I would have never came to know him.

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Darlin, this is why the Bible warns us that the world will hate us for Christs' sake. It's all too true, as you're learning. However, as long as your brother is still alive, there is still hope for his soul, and for your relationship with him. Pray for him every single day, for the rest of your lives if you have to. Remember that earnest prayer from a righteous man is a powerful thing

TillICollapse said:

I've had homosexual friends, and one specifically who was a homosexual asked me to attend his wedding and be the photographer at it. Pretty much the only reason I didn't attend was because it was out of state and I didn't want to have to fly/etc ... otherwise, I would have attended and taken the photos.

I typically take it as an honor when unbelievers and "sinners" invite me into their personal lives, because who better to be present in their life than Jesus. And if they don't invite Jesus specifically, well they invited me ... and I am thus representing His family.

I didn't always have that perspective however ... many years ago, I was caught up in the "But I can't get unclean ! I can't be with the unclean because I'll get myself dirty in the eyes of the Lord and I can't support such a sinful world !" but luckily, I experienced the Love of Christ through even the "unclean", and I realized my error. If I am of Christ, and they share even a simple cup of cold water with me, I *actually* experience the Love of Christ. When they invite me into their personal lives, and where their treasure is .... I experience the love of Christ and it's beautiful to me. They may as well be loving Jesus through me, because that's how I experience it with them.

Believers, as stated above, are often another matter, however. Believers often have so many rules and regulations surrounding their lives I find I experience something different unfortunately.

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It's one thing to spend time with the lost in an attempt to witness to them and reach them for Christ; but if you're the photographer at their wedding, you're showing nothing but support for their sinful lifestyle and choices. Jesus ate with sinners, but He didn't hide who He was, or what He thought of sin. He preached against it openly, even while tempering it with mercy (as in the story of the woman caught in adultery), and His reputation was so well known that sinners would seek HIM out for forgiveness (the woman with alabaster perfume -Luke 7:36-39). My point is that He didn't just "blend in" with sinners and keep quiet so as not to offend anyone with the truth.

ValleyGal said:

Harry, isn't it really presumptuous to suggest this man's brother has ulterior motives? You are assuming the brother does not have goodwill toward this man. I don't think that's really fair to interject these kinds of things which are not based on anything the OP has stated. IMO.

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Being Christians shouldn't make us fools. Anyone who tries to convince a Christian to participate in a ceremony which he knows to be a gross violation of Christian doctrine will have an ulterior motive behind his efforts; that's a given. And with the added impetus of GLAAD and their terror tactics you can count on its being ugly.

Harry3142 said:

This is especially so due to his first asking you to be the best man at a 'wedding' which he knows is seen as an abomination to Christians. He's trying to get you to choose what he wants over your faith. So not only is it your desire to convert him to Christianity, it is also his desire to convert you to being an agnostic, or even an atheist, and therefore approving of conduct which you know is seen as an abomination to God.

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This.

I would never expect a friend or relative to go against what I know to be their personal convictions, no matter how special the occasion was to me. That's utterly selfish.

If my sister were gay and asked me to be a matron of honour, I'd likely decline the position in the bridal party, but I would not boycott the whole wedding; after all, she is my sister - there is a relationship there, whether she is gay or straight. Nothing changes the fact that she is my sister, not even what religious path we each choose to follow. To assume that there are ulterior motives just because of sexuality is really "foolish" imo. A family's bond is stronger than you give it credit for. It is not selfish to want to share a special day with the people in your family, regardless of choice of partner.

To the OP I would ask - if your brother were heterosexual and marrying a woman who is not a believer, would you also not attend that? After all, it means they are not practicing Christians. It's the same thing....

I honestly do not see it as different. They are still not in God's plan. According to scripture, we are not to judge those outside the church, but this is exactly what you are doing. I'm not saying you should support it; just don't judge it. You have your sin you struggle with, and they have theirs....doesn't make you any more righteous than them, aside from being justified by your faith.

Even for those IN the body, there is discussion in Romans about how there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, and how everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. You can still attend without judging or condemning. And I might suggest that organizations like GLAAD (I know nothing about them; I'm not American) are formed in response to the Christian hatred of homosexuality. They feel the need to defend themselves against the onslaught of condemnation.. I'd be angry, too.

However, after a few pages of discussion, I have a feeling you are not necessarily interested in seeking truth and figuring out how to do this, but are rather looking for others to validate your current hatred of homosexuality. I pray you can still love your brother, in spite of his sexuality.

Inkachu said:

It's one thing to spend time with the lost in an attempt to witness to them and reach them for Christ; but if you're the photographer at their wedding, you're showing nothing but support for their sinful lifestyle and choices.

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A person (such as myself, for example) can be in a place and not be supportive of what is going on there. The two do not go hand in hand.

Jesus ate with sinners, but He didn't hide who He was, or what He thought of sin. He preached against it openly, even while tempering it with mercy (as in the story of the woman caught in adultery), and His reputation was so well known that sinners would seek HIM out for forgiveness (the woman with alabaster perfume -Luke 7:36-39). My point is that He didn't just "blend in" with sinners and keep quiet so as not to offend anyone with the truth.

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If your statements are directed at my own, your "point" is what is known as a strawman. Strawmen reallllly suck in a conversation, because if the other person trying to converse with you doesn't realize what they are doing, there is a breakdown in communication which usually doesn't get resolved. It's like two people speaking from two different planets. I don't usually go there with someone, as it can be really fruitless. I'm stating what I saw the love of Jesus in ... while you are speaking to some other matters and other things I didn't say.

You are doing the right thing. Do not go to any wedding or support anything he is doing. It's not a marriage in the eyes of God, it is an abomination. Calling what is evil, evil, and what is good, good, is not judgment. God has told us what is good and evil in his eyes so simply take the position of God and don't be afraid of hurting somebodies feelings. Justifying somebodies sins and hiding the truth from them is far worse and you would be subject to judgment for doing this.

Saint Paul had no problem speaking the truth and we must proclaim the same message boldly.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Anybody who rejects Jesus through disbelief or practicing the unrighteous sins mentioned will be condemned and Saint Paul had no problem saying that. God has already told us what his judgment will be for these people so we aren't their judge for simply speaking the truth.

ValleyGal said:

To the OP I would ask - if your brother were heterosexual and marrying a woman who is not a believer, would you also not attend that? After all, it means they are not practicing Christians. It's the same thing....

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It is not the same thing at all.

I will flatly state this.

You have one obligation above all else, and I do not hear you saying you will honor it... or even that you are entertaining it.

This is not a choice for you to make without praying each and every day, right up to the time of the wedding. And praying for God's will, not your vindication in stubbornly following what you read as rules.

Go read what Hosea did in the Bible. This was for us to understand. Analogy? Maybe, but, actually, so are many things in the Bible. Still, they are there for us to learn Jesus' heart from.

Go read about Peter's vision of the sheet lowered down to him.

Without this constant prayer, (and I DO mean constant!) I have to say I feel you may be just going off a lot of stubbornness and pride.

You are in a really difficult position, and I can see that.

This isn't the same thing, but I can relate a little. I had a very dear friend who identified herself as pagan. We'd already had some conversations about Christianity (funny I was not REALLY a follower of Christ then, but stood up for the idea) and because of that, I already had some positive influence and an "in". THEN I became a true Christian. Then she invited me to a gathering which was going to be largely pagan. (No rituals or anything like that, btw.) I felt terrible, and like I should not attend, or if I went and "preached" they would all reject me. If I attended I would be "approving" it. If I didn't, she would be offended and I'd lose my friend and any possibility for influence. Well ... It took a lot of prayer to decide what to do.

I'm going to say this. If you feel strongly as though you'd be denying your faith and approving homosexuality for going - you must not go. I think the principle in Romans 14 applies:

14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

If you yourself see it as sin to attend, then you must not.

However, I want to say that I see everyone else's point. Many times evangelists may purposely visit areas populated by prostitutes, drug dealers, and any other manner of sinners, and basically meet the people where they are. That's what I believe Jesus would do. I don't seek out those kinds of evangelistic activities, but because of non-Christian friends, I have been thrown in the midst of gatherings of drug addicts, homosexuals, and yes, pagans (I did decide to go to the gathering above). And more than once I have been ASKED to talk about what I believe, and why. Faced with a room full (dozens at times) of people very antagonistic to my faith, I'm going to admit, it was a little scary. But the amazing thing is, I think it was arranged by God and I knew how to answer and have given at least some of them something to think about.

My point is, I understand the other posters urging you to go.

Right now in this country, homosexuality is a "special" battleground. I don't know why. But it is. You've been put in a hard place, and as I said, as long as you feel it's wrong, you shouldn't go. But sin is sin, and unbelievers of all kinds need the love and forgiveness of God, just as all believers needed it.

I hope at some point you are able to share your love and your faith with your brother. In the meantime, you can pray for him. Perhaps God will send someone else, or perhaps He will make you able and make the opportunity to use you.

I have prayed fervently for 12 years for my brother to be saved. We've been having "seeker conversations" for years. I love him dearly. But in the end, it was someone new he met that helped open him to the faith, and I praise God someone did!

Peace to you, and I will pray for you and your brother.

Mike to Michael said:

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

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Well, my friend, your story is a conundrum, and I'm sorry you have to face this. That has to be difficult, especially since this situation involves a close family member. Realistically, I don't think you should expect him to understand your position as a Christian in regard to his sexuality; his perceptions are modified by his homosexual state, and his response is thus more of an emotional one in psychological nature than a rational one.

Your Christian responsibility is to love him as your brother, without at the same time condoning his lifestyle. Pray for him, help him if he finds himself in need, be willing to listen, and so on, as I'm sure you already do. Be patient with him and don't expect him to empathize with you -- I mean this for the long term.

Mike to Michael said:

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

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?

Inkachu said:

It's one thing to spend time with the lost in an attempt to witness to them and reach them for Christ; but if you're the photographer at their wedding, you're showing nothing but support for their sinful lifestyle and choices. .

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is it not interesting, to think that many Christians would not blink an eye to invite a straight non Christian into their homes and just treat them normally, even though as a non believer, they will be practicing sins in one way or another.

but when it comes to the gays, all all the sudden, they play the " I can not condone your lifestyle card" as a way to make gays life miserable and force them to come to God, or it is to agree with us?

what loads of garbage!

below is a perfect example of the kind of garbage some Christians come up with to make gays life miserable

what they are doing is not honouring God, but to punish and excluds gays until they agree us, and that is not acceptable

Christians who does this type of things are nothing but human garbage in mine humble opinion, and I am glad the world we live in is becoming less and less tolerant of this type of garbage.

Sullivan High School Bans Gays From Prom - YouTube

Sullivan High School Bans Gays From Prom - YouTube

Personally, I think not going is the best option. I agree going to places where drug, alcohol abuse, or other sin is common is a good thing, but I feel the situations are only slightly related. Firstly, this is your brother. The point of going to said places is to find people to share the love of Christ with. I hope not attending the wedding will not ruin your contact with your brother; thus you can hopefully continue to share Christ with him. One does not need to attend a close relatives wedding to speak with him. If you feel attending the wedding would be condoning the action as it appears you do, I would highly advise you not to go. I hope you are able to mantain a strong relationship with your brother while not giving acceptance to the action of homosexual relations. We are all sinners after all, and I do not believe anyone is beyond being reached by Christ's love even if they do not immediately convert.