Homeless Sex Drive -- What Do I Do???

[Intentional Tourist]

As a single man in my early 20s, what am I supposed to do with my high sex drive?

-- Fornication is forbidden

-- inappropriate content is forbidden

-- Masturbation is forbidden (I can't do it without lust)

I have attempted to give my desires to God in the form of prayer, but He doesn't seem very interested in taking them. As a result, because I do take up the cross and deny myself, I am left to burn with urges ALL THE TIME (and I'm getting sick of it.) Every night I just fight my sexual desires knowing I'll have to go through the same thing the night after that and the night after that and the night after that, etc.

I've tried the distraction method (Ya know, going to the gym and working out, being creative, going for a walk, taking a shower, praying... all that stuff about using sexual energy for non-sexual stuff... it's just not cutting it, can't say I'm surprised.)

So the question I'm humbly asking is: WHAT DO I DO WITH A HOMELESS SEX DRIVE? IS REPRESSION THE ONLY OPTION? (Repression meaning not doing anything sexual while having strong sexual desires)

-- Notes: I am not asking how to avoid sexual sin and lustful thoughts. (I've already been able to do that through self-control.) -- I am not even asking if I should seek marriage. (I obviously should.) I'm asking what I should do in the meantime while experiencing this "gift" of singleness. (See main questions in above paragraph)

 

[Paul Shunamon]

As a single man in my early 20s, what am I supposed to do with my high sex drive?

-- Fornication is forbidden

-- inappropriate content is forbidden

-- Masturbation is forbidden (I can't do it without lust)

I have attempted to give my desires to God in the form of prayer, but He doesn't seem very interested in taking them. As a result, because I do take up the cross and deny myself, I am left to burn with urges ALL THE TIME (and I'm getting sick of it.) Every night I just fight my sexual desires knowing I'll have to go through the same thing the night after that and the night after that and the night after that, etc.

I've tried the distraction method (Ya know, going to the gym and working out, being creative, going for a walk, taking a shower, praying... all that stuff about using sexual energy for non-sexual stuff... it's just not cutting it, can't say I'm surprised.)

So the question I'm humbly asking is: WHAT DO I DO WITH A HOMELESS SEX DRIVE? IS REPRESSION THE ONLY OPTION? (Repression meaning not doing anything sexual while having strong sexual desires)

-- Notes: I am not asking how to avoid sexual sin and lustful thoughts. (I've already been able to do that through self-control.) -- I am not even asking if I should seek marriage. (I obviously should.) I'm asking what I should do in the meantime while experiencing this "gift" of singleness. (See main questions in above paragraph)

I realize most will not touch this with a ten foot poll but I will. The problem is mostly our modern society. In ancient times people were usually married by about 15 years old. Most time having to endure such thoughts was greatly minimized. Plus the cultures offered much fewer temptation sources. Finally do not let any hypocrites fool you, even when you are deeply IN love with another and learn to agape love them (real love is about being committed to treing each other in a certain way),. On occasion you and she will still find yourself attracted to others or have sexual thoughts (it is how we are wired) but stay faithful and bring your desires to your partner.

Also...when you have such thoughts (and you will), even if and when married, just do not make that the focus of your dwelling and let your imagination create desired unrealities. The Bible is full of techniques (putting off and putting on, casting sown imaginations. sowing to the Spirit, and more). Then understand the grace in which you live. God knows and He forgives and cleanses those who strive.

 

[aleon1220]

I understand. I used to go through the same and fell so many times not only I. Lustful thoughts but also in actions.
What seems to happen is a big constant battle in your mind. Once you are married believe me is just going to switch. Is a battle in the mind. Once you are married you can access free sex, but the enemy attacks the mind in other areas. The best advice I can give is to fight back and have your group of strong friends supporting you in prayer and being accountability partners.

If you are in so much need of sex then pray and get married soon. Repression doesn't sound like freedom in Christ. Sounds more like you are carrying the burden on your own and following some sort of religious regulations that will not give real christian freedom and will drain you at the end of the day

God bless you

 

[Richard T]

From Carol Peters-Tanksley, a Christian MD. https://www.charismanews.com/opinio...d-inappropriate contentography-as-a-christian. It is this section that you might consider. Note however some believe it is always a sin, others do not.

"Is masturbation sinful? I tread cautiously here. This is where true guilt and false guilt can become confusing.

There's no question that compulsive masturbation is sinful. It controls you, damages you and takes sexual/emotional energy from what you should invest in your spouse.

Dr. James Dobson recounts a conversation he had with his father as a young boy. His father told him (my paraphrase), "I want to relieve some guilt for you ahead of time. Masturbation is something you are certain to face. I could wish you wouldn't do it, but you will. I don't think it has that much to do with your relationship with God." Some will disagree with this, but it's an important perspective for you to know about.

Biologically, God created both men and woman with a way to relieve sexual tension outside of intercourse. Men may call this "wet dreams." Women may experience something similar. Occasional masturbation can simply be part of this mechanism.

Here's my bottom line as a "doctor-doctor": Periodic release of sexual tension through masturbation may be OK for the single person or the married person whose spouse is unable to engage in sex. Compulsive masturbation is a sin; periodic release of sexual tension when you don't have a spouse is not.

It's dangerous for me to say that because it's fuzzy. It risks lessening the guilt someone feels who is being convicted by the Holy Spirit that their compulsive masturbation needs to stop. Like alcohol, if "occasionally" works for you, OK. Just be aware that for some, "occasionally" turns into "compulsive."

It's also dangerous because it doesn't answer the question "How much?" Clearly, several times a day is dangerous, sinful and compulsive. Beyond that, I can't give you a number. I'll leave the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart. Please let Him do so.

Someone feeling guilt over occasional masturbation needs to find freedom right here. Your guilt may be false guilt. If this troubles you, take it before the Lord. Let Him speak to you and heal you from false guilt."

 

[Intentional Tourist]

I realize most will not touch this with a ten foot poll but I will. The problem is mostly our modern society. In ancient times people were usually married by about 15 years old. Most time having to endure such thoughts was greatly minimized. Plus the cultures offered much fewer temptation sources. Finally do not let any hypocrites fool you, even when you are deeply IN love with another and learn to agape love them (real love is about being committed to treing each other in a certain way),. On occasion you and she will still find yourself attracted to others or have sexual thoughts (it is how we are wired) but stay faithful and bring your desires to your partner.

Also...when you have such thoughts (and you will), even if and when married, just do not make that the focus of your dwelling and let your imagination create desired unrealities. The Bible is full of techniques (putting off and putting on, casting sown imaginations. sowing to the Spirit, and more). Then understand the grace in which you live. God knows and He forgives and cleanses those who strive.

Yeah, the expectation of a later marriage is certainly one of my greater frustrations. Fighting against that for myself has become a necessity.

 

[aleon1220]

Ps. Getting married is not going to take the sexual temptation away

 

[Unqualified]

Self stimulation. A way of escape. Just get it over with. But don’t make it a habit.

JMHO

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I realize most will not touch this with a ten foot poll but I will. The problem is mostly our modern society. In ancient times people were usually married by about 15 years old. Most time having to endure such thoughts was greatly minimized. Plus the cultures offered much fewer temptation sources. Finally do not let any hypocrites fool you, even when you are deeply IN love with another and learn to agape love them (real love is about being committed to treing each other in a certain way),. On occasion you and she will still find yourself attracted to others or have sexual thoughts (it is how we are wired) but stay faithful and bring your desires to your partner.

Also...when you have such thoughts (and you will), even if and when married, just do not make that the focus of your dwelling and let your imagination create desired unrealities. The Bible is full of techniques (putting off and putting on, casting sown imaginations. sowing to the Spirit, and more). Then understand the grace in which you live. God knows and He forgives and cleanses those who strive.

How do you define lust? If you're defining it as a simple physical need for sex, I would highly recommend rethinking that.

 

[Intentional Tourist]

Ps. Getting married is not going to take the sexual temptation away

Yeah, I know.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Most Christians fail in this standard and repent after. Truly, I suggest you just do that or risk being miserable

 

[Alexsalimander]

I'm so sorry for you, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. Having a wild sex drive is insanely hard to deal with as a Christian. I'm right in the same boat as you, minus the hope of one day getting married. I've had my heart broken one too many times. I can tell you what helped for me, and hope it helps for you. For me, cutting out every single form of easy dopamine helped. No sugary foods, no movies, as little screen time as you can get away with. It helps to reset your dopamine receptors and make it so your brain isn't always starved of dopamine, so you feel the urge less strongly to do an ultra high dopamine activity (sexual stimulation). Finding a job that both engages your brain so you aren't tempted to fantasize and leaves you totally and completely physically exhausted at the end of the day also helps. There is a light at the end of the tunnel too. If you make it past 25 without finding a wife, and you don't physically gratify yourself in the mean time, the intensity does start to slowly fade. I know that's a long way away, but it is possible to make it.

As an aside, don't hate your body, or it's drives. We can't fully love God if we hate what he made, and that includes your body. There is a reason He gave you that intense drive, and put it in your body, so trust him and love what he made.

God bless sir, and help you to cope with his gift to you that seems so unmanageable at this moment