Holidays

[angelkiss]

I know first hand, that grief is a painful process in general. For most, the holidays seem to be the hardest. I thought that maybe we could come together and see if we can share how we get through the holidays and offer support to those who are having a hard time.

I have lost many people in my life, but the most recent was my only brother this past Jan. We wasn't raised together for I was adopted out to my great aunt and uncle when I was 22 months old. When we got older, we got in contact and were really close for many years. A lot of people thought we were twins. Being 358 days apart, we were the closest thing to it. The last three years, we lost contact and the last time I saw him was at his funeral. He was raised in and out of children's homes and foster homes up until his teens and he had a really hard time as an adult. A lot of his Christmas' were not that great and I always tried to make it a good holiday for him when I could. Knowing that, it puts at least a small smile on my face for the look in his eyes knowing that he got something that he had actually asked for and not a package of socks was a joy to me.
During the holidays, with anyone I've lost, I always try to think of the best memories and try and focus on the good times. It has taken a lot of self-discipline to get me to this point without breaking down. (And of course, God)
's and es!!

 

[Amin]

Hi,
I wish i could get to the point you are at.
I lost my mother this past June.
I guess I'm just starting to realize it.
For the past few years I've gotten thru the holidays by thinking it's just another day.
Wish i could get over that!!!
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

It takes time. And, it's takes a lot of prayer and self-discipline. I refuse to let things keep me down, although there are times I have just wanted to throw my hands up and give in.
Don't get me wrong..............I've had those times in life where it feels as though my heart has been ripped from my chest and it seems that I can't go on. Those are the times, that through prayer, I stand up and fight.
If it means walking 5 miles without stopping, writing until my fingertips bleed, crying til I can't cry anymore. I think of what my loved ones would want me to do. They would want me to keep pushing and make them proud. That's the goal I push for.
By no means, it's not easy, but it keeps me going. For, I have to keep on living until it's my time.
Example: I lost my grandmother whom I was really close to and cared for her until she passed. We lost her Dec. 15th. (several years ago) None of us felt like celebrating Christmas for we had just lost a very spiritual inspiration in our lives.
We did however manage to get through Christmas by reminiscing all the great Christmas' we had celebrated with her and my grandpa. We talked of how she always made us grandkids read the Bible with her every night afore bedtime. How she was such an inspiration to everyone she came in contact with. How her light was always shining brightly. Her waking everyone up at 4 am singing praises to God at the top of her lungs. Praying as soon as she got outta bed. All the funny things she'd say.
And something that put us beyond smiling............she is in a better place. No more suffering.

 

[Amin]

I know first hand, that grief is a painful process in general. For most, the holidays seem to be the hardest. I thought that maybe we could come together and see if we can share how we get through the holidays and offer support to those who are having a hard time.

I have lost many people in my life, but the most recent was my only brother this past Jan. We wasn't raised together for I was adopted out to my great aunt and uncle when I was 22 months old. When we got older, we got in contact and were really close for many years. A lot of people thought we were twins. Being 358 days apart, we were the closest thing to it. The last three years, we lost contact and the last time I saw him was at his funeral. He was raised in and out of children's homes and foster homes up until his teens and he had a really hard time as an adult. A lot of his Christmas' were not that great and I always tried to make it a good holiday for him when I could. Knowing that, it puts at least a small smile on my face for the look in his eyes knowing that he got something that he had actually asked for and not a package of socks was a joy to me.
During the holidays, with anyone I've lost, I always try to think of the best memories and try and focus on the good times. It has taken a lot of self-discipline to get me to this point without breaking down. (And of course, God)
's and es!!

I remember after my mom passed away.
She was the last real member of my family.
I have a brother that lives in the same city as me, but even tho he wanted no part of making funeral plans, he didn't like the way i handled things.
This is because I'm christian and he isn't.
Now he wants nothing to do with me because of the funeral, which by the way was done very well.
So I feel like I lost a mother and a brother that day.
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

Oh I'm so sorry


After my brother and I had lost contact the last three years, he had gotten married 2 years ago for the first time at age 30. I had never met his wife (formally) I did see them at a family reunion last year, but no words were spoken between us. It really bothered me when he passed for I wanted to just go back to that reunion and wether he wanted to hear it or not, tell him that I love him.
The night of the viewing, my sister in law walked up to me and the only words she had EVER spoken to me were: "Ronnie wouldn't have wanted you here. The only reason you're here is because of Teresa (biological mother) I have the say so as to who can be here and who can't and if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't even be here. "
I was so enraged, I wanted to do and say things that wasn't christian-like in the least, but I knew I had to keep my head on straight.
For eight long hours we had to listen to heavy metal music because she said that that's what he would've wanted. Only one song was comforting and it was "Down at the River to Pray" from O' Brother Where Art Thou. That was one of his favorite songs.
The next day, we sat through an athiestic funeral and 97% of my family are christian. Talk about disturbing! Even the funeral director said that in all the years he had been in the business, never had he seen such a horrible viewing and funeral.

Although your brother may have turned his back on you for not agreeing with the way you did things, you still did the best you could, you honored your momma, and I'm sure one day through a lot of prayer, he'll come around. If not, you still have us and God!
's and es!!

 

[Amin]

Oh I'm so sorry


After my brother and I had lost contact the last three years, he had gotten married 2 years ago for the first time at age 30. I had never met his wife (formally) I did see them at a family reunion last year, but no words were spoken between us. It really bothered me when he passed for I wanted to just go back to that reunion and wether he wanted to hear it or not, tell him that I love him.
The night of the viewing, my sister in law walked up to me and the only words she had EVER spoken to me were: "Ronnie wouldn't have wanted you here. The only reason you're here is because of Teresa (biological mother) I have the say so as to who can be here and who can't and if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't even be here. "
I was so enraged, I wanted to do and say things that wasn't christian-like in the least, but I knew I had to keep my head on straight.
For eight long hours we had to listen to heavy metal music because she said that that's what he would've wanted. Only one song was comforting and it was "Down at the River to Pray" from O' Brother Where Art Thou. That was one of his favorite songs.
The next day, we sat through an athiestic funeral and 97% of my family are christian. Talk about disturbing! Even the funeral director said that in all the years he had been in the business, never had he seen such a horrible viewing and funeral.

Although your brother may have turned his back on you for not agreeing with the way you did things, you still did the best you could, you honored your momma, and I'm sure one day through a lot of prayer, he'll come around. If not, you still have us and God!
's and es!!

I must say, she wan't very nice to you considering the place and time. I'm sorry for you that you had to hear that.
I'm not sure if i could have contolled my Temper.
If you and your brother were on good terms I'm sure he would have wanted you there. I just don't understand some people.
Thanks for saying I still have people here and God.
That feels good to hear you say that.
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

It comes from the heart!

 

[Amin]

It comes from the heart!

Thanks,
That's twice tonite I've been left speechless.
Bless You.
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

You're very welcome and may God bless and keep you always!
's and es!!