Holidays?

[Bowling Pin]

So now that we're starting to pair off and merge families, how are you guys handling the upcoming holidays and which family you'll celebrate with? I know this can be a serious concern for some couples--I know that when I was a kid I'd think to myself, I only want Christmas my way, every year, with my mom and my sister and my dad in my house exactly this way the rest of my life.

For my fiance and I we have it somewhat easier, because his parents are deceased and he is not close with his siblings. So I thought, great, I will get my way at the holidays easy. But one thing that has come up a little is that my family lives 1500 miles away, so we have to travel to their house for Christmas. That means we don't have christmas morning in our home, and my fiance doesn't get to do what had been his own tradition of participating in several christmas music things at our church as he'd done for more than a decade prior to meeting me. I didn't really think that he'd miss it, since to me, he never had a big family Christmas and there is no substitute for that is there?!?

Well, this year, our wedding is 2 days after Christmas on the 27th, so there is no issue on that, we will be in Kansas at my parents this year, but I can see him wanting to stay in Virginia in the future eventually. We have talked and kind of agreed for now that as long as my very elderly grandparents are alive and well enough to visit on Christmas, we probably will go to Kansas for the holidays, but once they are in Heaven, we might start our own traditions here some years.

 

[flounder7786]

hmm, well we have a ways before we have to decide that...

 

[PurpleBunny]

So now that we're starting to pair off and merge families, how are you guys handling the upcoming holidays and which family you'll celebrate with? I know this can be a serious concern for some couples--I know that when I was a kid I'd think to myself, I only want Christmas my way, every year, with my mom and my sister and my dad in my house exactly this way the rest of my life.

For my fiance and I we have it somewhat easier, because his parents are deceased and he is not close with his siblings. So I thought, great, I will get my way at the holidays easy. But one thing that has come up a little is that my family lives 1500 miles away, so we have to travel to their house for Christmas. That means we don't have christmas morning in our home, and my fiance doesn't get to do what had been his own tradition of participating in several christmas music things at our church as he'd done for more than a decade prior to meeting me. I didn't really think that he'd miss it, since to me, he never had a big family Christmas and there is no substitute for that is there?!?

Well, this year, our wedding is 2 days after Christmas on the 27th, so there is no issue on that, we will be in Kansas at my parents this year, but I can see him wanting to stay in Virginia in the future eventually. We have talked and kind of agreed for now that as long as my very elderly grandparents are alive and well enough to visit on Christmas, we probably will go to Kansas for the holidays, but once they are in Heaven, we might start our own traditions here some years.

My fiance is an only child and his parents always go away for their anniversary for Christmas, leaving him home alone. Before he and I started dating he'd go to his grandparents' for dinner but that's about it (his family stopped 'celebrating' Christmas when he was about 14 or so because his parents think gifts are a waste of money).

So he spends the holidays with me. For Thanksgiving, last year I went to his place. This year, I'm not but he is spending it with his parents and grandparents. Last year we spent Canadian Thanksgiving with my parents... this year I spent that weekend in Olympia (where my fiance lives) and came home in time for Thanksgiving dinner with my family on the Monday.

If we end up living in Alberta when we're married, we will spend the first few Christmases just the two of us unless we can accumulate enough Airmiles for one plane ticket or my parents use theirs to buy us plane tickets (Chris' parents wouldn't--they're very... frugal... with their money). If we end up in metro Seattle, we'd spend Christmas Eve and morning with my family in Vancouver, Canada and then probably go to his grandparents' for dinner on Christmas Day.

 

[plum]

My family (brother is now married and my mother is seriously dating someone) is starting to stretch all OVER the place! HEHE.

this Christmas my family (sans boyfriend) is celebrating together on Christmas Eve.
Christmas day my mother is flying out to Boston to spend it with her main squeeze and my sis-in-law's family is hosting my brother and his wife.


I truly hope that for a few more years my entire family can get together for major holidays. We're being stretched even more because we love to go to church together but my mother is now a Catholic (again. long story!) and the rest of us aren't (yet!). So going together takes patience, time, and many visits to different places! But it's worth it if we're all together! Praise God.

See, last Christmas was our first one without my Dad. And the first one after my brother was married. We're just getting crazy now. Family time is SO important...

 

[Glorianna]

Yeah, this has been one of my fears. I like the way my parents do it though- they spend one year with my mom's parents and the next with my dad's parents. They're really lucky though because their parents both live pretty close by and they can see whichever set they didn't get to see on Christmas afterwards.

 

[Maeyken]

It's a lot tougher than I thought it would be... trying to figure out where to go when, and who can come where when. Since my bf has to work over Christmas, and so do I, we are not going to be able to attend all of the Christmas things we could attend. And my parents both have large families that get together, so times for those are not flexible at all! I just have to remember that attending (or not attending) a family gathering is not the end of the world, and if I miss it... well so be it. I guess I have to decide what is the more important.

 

[Glorianna]

It's a lot tougher than I thought it would be... trying to figure out where to go when, and who can come where when. Since my bf has to work over Christmas, and so do I, we are not going to be able to attend all of the Christmas things we could attend. And my parents both have large families that get together, so times for those are not flexible at all! I just have to remember that attending (or not attending) a family gathering is not the end of the world, and if I miss it... well so be it. I guess I have to decide what is the more important.

This is true.

 

[Cright]

This is a tough one for me...

John's parents divorced when he was young.. so he's used to doing one side on Christmas eve and the other on Christmas day...

I usually spend Christmas eve at my grandma's and Christmas day at my Aunts...

but this year my parents are seperated (2 weeks ago) so I'm not sure what we'll do..

to complicate things I was at a Job interview (if I get it I work Christmas eve until 5pm) and don't know to go to my Grandma's or John's... but I'll have Christmas day off...

If I have to stay at this (icky, low paying, no benifits) job... I have to work Christmas eve from 3:45 to 12:15am, meaning I miss out on Christmas eve totally and am up late on Christmas day missing out on that too...

I hope I get the new job, it'll be one less thing to think about during this ultra-stressful holiday season.

Carina

 

[Glorianna]

Wow, that's complicated.

 

[Singin4Him]

My advice to you is to put yourselves and your marriage FIRST. My husband and I just got married this summer so we're facing the same thing right now. He is an only child and Christmas isn't a huge production at his house as much as it is at my house. To add to that my grandfather is in the early stages of altzhiemers, he can remember Christmas now but possibly next Christmas he may not even know my name. Though those things are true we have to take into account what is best for us. We have talked this over and both heard each other's sides of the issue and we found out a way to make things work. Though no matter what we do his parents don't feel they get the good end of the deal, they're a bit competitive with my family and a bit dramatic at that. They caused problems over Thanksgiving already. Basically for us it has come down to "we're doing what is best for us and they will understand or not, either way we're doing what is best for us."

We felt it was very special to spend time at our home on Christmas morning since it's our first Christmas. That might not be important to the two of you, the most important thing is to do what is important to both of you. Hear him out, if he really wants to be home for Christmast compromise and plan to go to your parents a day or two after. Just make sure you avoid having an arguement over this issue, make sure you're understanding and compassionate to his feelings and desires and he should do the same for you. I know it's hard but make sure you're not being selfish because you don't think Christmas is as important to him and his family as it is for you and yours.

 

[Glorianna]

I definitely agree with this. Do whatever is best for you and your spouse. If your family or your spouse's family doesn't understand, that's their problem, not yours.

 

[soundguy]

(this is ps34_18 posting under my fiance's tag)

This is becoming a huge issue between me and my FH. We figured out immediate family easily enough, my family Christmas Eve, his on Christmas day. The problem is with extended family. His mom's side is getting together on Boxing Day, his dad's on the 29th, and my Mum's side is having a thing from the 31st to the 2nd. My fiance seems to have this idea of spending New Year's Eve together/with friends. I, on the other hand, want to spend it with my family/extended family. We're having some difficulty compromising on this one. I even told him he didn't have to stay overnight on the first if he didn't feel comfortable, which he doesn't but seems to think he's obligated to anyway because I'm there. Urrgg! I'm so frustrated right now about it it's not even funny. (We just came out of an argument on this if you can't tell.)

The thing is, we're only engaged, and we've only been together since last April. I've never had a significant other over the holidays and quite frankly this is a whole lot of adjusting all at once. I'm almost tempted to say we go our separate ways on New Years Eve, except he's bound and determined to spend it with me!

 

[Glorianna]

The thing is, we're only engaged, and we've only been together since last April. I've never had a significant other over the holidays and quite frankly this is a whole lot of adjusting all at once. I'm almost tempted to say we go our separate ways on New Years Eve, except he's bound and determined to spend it with me!

My fiance and I met last April! Sorry, just wanted to point out that we share something in common. Anyways, pray about it. God will help you guys decide.

 

[sculpturegirl]

Holidays are tricky, especially in our modern mobile culture. My FH's family is in New Jersey, mine in Michigan and we are in Maryland- YIKES! We are spending Christmas with his family and my parents are coming here for New Year's. This is for this year at least. We will decide on a year to year basis. When we have a family of our own we might just stay home. When we were kids my family spent Christmas just the 4 of us and it was great!! We went to family holiday parties in the weekends preceding Christmas. Maybe we all ought to celebrate all of Advent by doing Christmas activities every weekend- he he he!

This is definitely one of the things to be worked out when getting married!

 

[Glorianna]

Yeah, it's hard when your families live so far away. My family lives in British Columbia and goes back and forth, spending one Christmas at my dad's parents' house and the next at my mom's parents'. But my fiance's family lives in South Carolina. One set of his grandparents live there and the other set lives in Virginia. This is definitely going to be interesting when we try to work out where we spend our Christmases! It will be easy at first though because we won't have any money to go anywhere!