Holiday Depression, but Why??

[.chrys.]

We've heard it (and many here have experienced it) so many times: holidays are the worst for depression. Why is that so? Holidays are the times we are **supposed** to feel upbeat, to feel happy and good about ourselves and our loved one's.

There is another thread here that addresses depression at Christmas. Not wanting to hijack that thread into something it wasn't intended to be, I thought we could discuss in this thread some of the possibilities as to why so many of us feel depression during the holidays; why depression is sometimes even more intense during the holidays.

Thoughts?

~Witness

 

[veganbunny]

I think that it may have something to do with the stress of presents, and the idea that I MUST be happy, plus sometimes it feels as though people are meant to have lots of people around them, when I don't.

Being alone at Christmas, being forgotton, people not liking presents you give them, the pressure of being happy/ greatful can be hard. Also, when everyone around is overly happy it is difficult.

I personally find Christmas very hard, and I only partly know why. Because of the stress, pressure, and lack of loved ones around me. I found Boxing day far better than Christmas day, perhaps because more people were round my house, the presents had been open, and everyone was far less stressed.

 

[Ruth~]

There are some who have lost loved ones and feel very sad that the loved one is not there. I felt sad that my dad was not here this year. He died in June.

 

[bumblebee62331]

I often find that I feel more depressed around holiday times because of the fact that everyone is so happy. I feel bitter and upset that they are happy and I can't be - I try to be happy but I can't and then I feel bad because I just can't. If that makes sense.

Also, being away from family. For example, my family weren't together this Christmas - we are having problems - and it just made everything have a dull feel to it. It was hard. Happy times are the worst for me, no matter how much I try to smile.

 

[.chrys.]

I often find that I feel more depressed around holiday times because of the fact that everyone is so happy. I feel bitter and upset that they are happy and I can't be - I try to be happy but I can't and then I feel bad because I just can't. If that makes sense.

This makes complete sense to me. I often feel bitter that those around me appear to be happy. I get angry that whatever it is they seem to be experiencing isn't enough for me.

The jokes aren't funny; the food isn't anything to write home about; the gifts are lousy; and to top it all, rarely is Jesus even mentioned.

And yet, at the same time, I loathe thinking of praying to be "happy, like them". I find the whole occasion ridiculous.

~Witness

 

[Taylor43]

I lost my mom in 1998 and i still have a hard time at the Holidays. I miss the good times she made it special. I had a good christmas this year but i was not full of happieness i am glad the season is over. The true meaning is in my heart but for me to pretend i am happy is very hard.

My church tells me i should be over my mom to not light a candle or put a name on the plant. I feel like i still need too I miss her. No matter how abusive she was towards me.
Love
Taylor

 

[Frangible]

Holidays are the times we are **supposed** to feel upbeat, to feel happy and good about ourselves and our loved one's.

Indeed, I think you just answered your own question. "Supposed". Supposed according to who? Not getting what you want is a cause of suffering.

When you paint that picture of happiness in your mind that relies on external things (friends, families, specific holiday items, presents, etc), if they don't materialize, what then? You have just told yourself you cannot be happy, because of a difference between expectations and reality. But waitaminute... before you created that expectation, you were not suffering. So is the cause of the suffering really not having the external things, or the expectation?

 

[macanudo]

Holidays for me are the worst time of the year. First, I am not a super sociable person and everyone want to know why you are not "going out" to some party or get together. Just the other day my friends asked what I was doing for new years and I said "stay home and relax." Oh no he said, I cant let you do that.! It's new years eave !. I like to be home when the crazys are out.. So that makes me very uneasy because it reminds me of how people always tried to goad me into things in my younger years. second, my Dad was a total tyrant and during Xmas, he would sit there and watch us open gifts and then fight with my mom about the cost of the gifts and make us kids feel really crappy. Then they fought all the time we were off of school. So anyway, there is why I am so depressed right now. I had to up my meds considerably just to make it thru.