Holding on for fear of God

[Pam13850]

I will be married (for the second time) 8 years April 30. I should be celebrating and all I am doing is regreting. My husband is saved. He was not until after we were married. He is an alcoholic. He stopped drinking for almost 5 years, by the grace of God, on the day he was saved. 2 years ago he started drinking again. A 12 pack a night. We are broke, yet theres always money for beer. My dad is a drinker, my first husband....yup a drinker, now my husband uggggg. I can't help but feel God has given up on me. My husband is a "happy" drunk, so there is no abuse and he usually waits until the kids are in bed to start drinking. I have a developmentally disabled child (no children with my now husband) and my husband helps me a great deal with the children. But I want to leave. I'm tired. I'm 36 and feel 80. I'm afraid of God's reaction if I did leave. I suffer now for mistakes i've made in the past. And I truely do believe that if there is breath there is hope. So what do I do? Pray? I do. I haven't attended church sense the 2006 flood, we lost everything, because I don't want to "pretend".
I don't no. Sorry for rambling. I do fell better saying these things "out loud". Thank you.
Pam

 

[question33]

Pam,

I don't normally post online but something about what you wrote struck a cord with me.

Not too long ago I was the one on the other side. I had used alcohol for years as a crutch. I was always a shy person so I drank to be sociable. I too would have been described as a "happy" drunk. Then after my career took off and the stress got greater and greater, I drank to relieve it. Then when I quit smoking it was enough to push me over the edge and I replaced cigarettes with alcohol. After a while it was every night from the time I got home till I fell asleep.

So what changed? I finally saw that no matter how much I drank the issues I had never went away. I became desperate and prayed to God that he would take the burden away. And he did. In a very painful and very quick and very unexpected way. Overnight there was the strength to quit when I had not strength for years before.

I guess there are a couple things I wanted to point out.

My wife wasn't the one that made me quit. She did voice her opinion and concern about my drinking in a very Christian way and I believe she was right in doing so. I think it brought me to my addressing the issue sooner rather than later. Because I loved her. But no matter what she did it was my issue not hers and she could not fix it. I could have kept going till my liver turned to gel and I was in the grave.

When I was drinking way to much I was at the apex of my career. We were not rich but we had money for anything we needed and quite a bit for what we wanted. My wife got to go on vacations and we had enough left over that she got to do a lot of activities she loved. But she still hated my drinking. I think we were happier when we were first married because at least we were united in being destitute.


I guess you could ask yourself. If I won the lottery tomorrow would I still hate my husbands drinking? If so, I would try to separate the two issues.

It sounds like you have had a rough run of it lately. It is when things are the worst that the Lord does his most miraculous things in our lives. It is what faith is all about. What can you do? Pray for your husband. A lot. That God will show him the dead end he is going down and that he will stop sooner rather than later.


The verse that has kept me going through the tough times is in Philipians 1.

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

When I look back 10-15 years I can see that I am a different person now than then. And the change is an improvement. And that is what gives me hope. God works on different people at different rates. But if you ask him to change something sinful in your life he will. He will be faithful and do it even if it’s a painful path. And it will be on his schedule not yours.

God Bless

 

[Pam13850]

Thank you for sharing with me, and in that you gave me hope. I will continue to pray for my husband. I have not said anything to him about his drinking for the last 3 months. I know he knows my disapointment by my facial expressions i'm sure. I did not realize I was such a control freak until this. I can't control it, I can't love him enough to make him stop. I at first started hateing him for not loving me enough to stop. I now see that it is a disease,(still no excuse for actions) and I will pray for the Lord to release him. Thank you again, question33, for your insight. Philipians 4:13 is my life verse,"I can do all things through CHRIST who strenghens me". I know now that I have to go back to my fisrt love, back to God who is never failing.

Pam

 

[Robinsegg]

One thing you need to consider: We are commanded to gather together with other believers. This is for our encouragement and for correction.

I don't know why you would need to pretend with other believers? Be honest and let them pray with you. Let them care for you and build you up.

Take a look at Lisa Whelchel's book Taking Care of the Me in Mommy found here. She talks about things that help "fill us up" so that we can continue to give to our families.

Rachel