I am a devout Christian teenager struggling tremendously with HOCD (Homosexual OCD). A bit of background info: I have had OCD ever since I was a child, including HOCD. My OCD has changed between topics of obsession. When I was younger, I struggled a lot with HOCD, and my OCD has changed to other topics, such as Harm OCD, POCD, Scrupulosity, and various other forms of Pure O OCD. I am also a recovering inappropriate content Addict, and I have read that the withdrawal effects of inappropriate contentography definitely make the OCD go into overdrive, considering I have been addicted for the past 2 or 3 years. Let me make this clear: I do NOT struggle with Homosexuality. I know that no matter how real it feels, it's just a lie from the enemy. That being said, these past 2 to 3 weeks have been INCREDIBLY difficult for me. It's been so bad that I've been fixating, thinking that I am attracted to various men I know, even though I know I don't. I've had to repeatedly "test" myself that I am not truly homosexual by thinking of disgusting things (I think you can tell what that means) and then immediately getting revolted by the thought of it, thus "proving" that I am not truly a homosexual. However, I have done this action so many times that I've gotten desensitized to it, so it's no longer an instinctual knee-jerk reaction of disgust, it's a slower reaction of disgust. Nonetheless, I know I am not a homosexual, even though my OCD can make me feel otherwise. Also, I have been having one question which has been fueling my HOCD recently. Is there a difference between a guy calling his friend "handsome" (or any guy for that matter) and sinful same-sex attraction? I ask because so many straight men I know simply just casually say "he's a handsome fella". This seems to be completely unrelated to same-sex attraction, but can anyone even say this without having a tendency to be same-sex attracted? This one question has led to my OCD stupidly making me think "Do you think he's handsome?" with every guy I see. When I respond in my head with something like "I don't know, I can't tell, I'm not gay.", the OCD kicks in and I just keep thinking, "well, there's a difference between thinking a guy is handsome and being same-sex attracted." This question is seriously making me OCD so much worse. If anyone can answer this question, it would be much appreciated. Also, if anyone has tips with dealing with HOCD, that would be appreciated as well, but please attempt to answer the question. Please pray for me, this HOCD is destroying my life, and at times it can feel so real. In fact, I have even considered relapsing and watching inappropriate content again solely because of my OCD. Please help and pray for me. God bless.
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
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A trained pastor should be able to counsel. Praying for you. In the meantime, try and focus on the beauty of nature around you. Stay away from harmful things and develop godly friendships with godly women. God bless
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Soul-searching
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I think you as a guy can think that another guy is handsome, without it meaning anything. I as a woman can think another woman is beautiful, but it does not mean i´m attracted to her in any way, i am not gay, so i will never be attracted to a woman. I think the best thing to do is trying to take it easy, you are young, you will figure yourself out eventually. The more you focus on it, the more you will become sick. Try just to relax and not put yourself into a box, try to accept you the way you are, don´t fight it, because the more you fight the worse you will get, that´s easier said than done, i know, but try. You can never run away from the truth, i don´t know what your truth is, but you can never deny yourself, you are who you are. The more you run, the more you will become sick. Everything in life is about us facing our fears and reversing them, so we can live the life we deserve in joy and peace, every human deserves that.
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Mari17
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Thanks for sharing your struggles. Yes, I do believe you can think someone of the same sex is good-looking without being sexually attracted to them. Do you have a counselor for your OCD? Regardless, the way to fight it is to ignore what your OCD is telling you that you have to do. In other words, when you get an anxious thought, which is making you feel forced to do a compulsion (e.g. mentally "testing" yourself, etc.), your job is to just let yourself be anxious without performing the compulsion. That's ERP in a nutshell. This takes a lot of work but if you keep practicing, it should get easier, and your obsessions should fade over time. I can give more info about this if needed but for starters I'd recommend checking out the following website. It has GREAT information about OCD, and a lot of info about HOCD!
Welcome
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