Hi .. ! I hope it's ok that I just jump in .. both wanting to share a little story.. and asking .. can I ask for this? .. if someone could maybe pray for me? I've been having a rough time this fall, dealing with so many negative thoughts (depression?) and doubts. Just reconnecting now, but things are still hard. The doubts and negative thoughts are still there, trying to pull me down and away from God. I'm trying to overcome them, but .. life is difficult sometimes..
So here's my little story.. !
During these past two months Ive had so much doubt and uncertainty about myself, my life and my faith. My mind was spinning wildly, depression was sneaking up on me and gradually stealing the little self-confidence I had. Feeling bad and insecure, I started withdrawing from everything. Hiding from people, hiding from God. A part of me was so weak that I started to believe in the negative thoughts. But at the same time I felt ashamed and guilty, because I saw myself falling.
Just having moved to a new place, I was supposed to find a church to go to. But the insecurity stopped me. Things became so complicated and difficult in my chaotic and overwhelmed mind, that I started to avoid thinking. I stopped trying, I stopped searching for answers, and worse: I stopped praying; I stopped communicating with God. The doubts, questions and difficult thoughts were just too much to deal with. So I hid from God.. and things went downhill..
This past week I found myself getting more and more anxious and stressed out, feeling the pressure increase. Just then, God did something wonderful for me. He called for me, through another person.. !
I started studying religion this fall, and although Im in a tiny class with only 13-14 students, we havent really gotten to know each other yet. We havent socialized much outside of school. I really like these people, but being insecure and lacking self-confidence, I havent dared to take any initiative. But this Friday a girl I really like surprised me: just out of the blue she invited me to breakfast the following day!
I was really happy, because I had been curious about her, thinking she seems like such a nice person. And I thought shed be interesting to talk with .. she just seemed like one of those people you can have a good conversation with. Really talk with.
And it turned out I was completely right .. when I visited her the following day, I had such a good time! We spent over four hours talking, and it was just so so so nice.. ! Both fun and inspiring. Somehow I ended up telling her how I was having a difficult time with doubts and questions. And right there, she said the thing that really got to me. She reminded me of how Adam and Eve hid from God ... and how God was calling for them She reminded me of Gods amazing love and grace. That He really cares, and that He is there even during hard times. That I can count on Him, and turn to Him for guidance, help and support.
It was only through hearing that that I realised that I had been hiding. And how foolish it was. It was just like God called to me, through her. Theres no need to hide!
I received so much inspiration through the conversation with my classmate. Its hard to express all my thoughts, but I hope Ive managed to share my experience ok. It was just such a wake-up call. Its amazing how much God cares, and how He looks after us. Even when I was hiding and struggling, He sent this beautiful person in my path, and spoke to me through her.
That night I prayed again for the first time in weeks. I was able to connect again. To feel again. I had been running away from myself, my difficult thoughts and feelings, trying to numb myself with empty distractions and escapes. It just hurt too much, I was just too overwhelmed to face things. But on Saturday I could cry again. And today, Sunday, I went to Church for the first time in.. months actually .. ! And it was so good to be there again. It was a new church for me, I didnt know anyone, but still it was such a relief to be there again. Just feeling that God is close, even when I cant express my thoughts. But I can turn to Him. How did I forget this? How could I drift so far away?
So here I am.. relieved.. reconnecting to God ...
He lets me know Hes close. He feels so close right now. During the service today, we were asked to go into small groups and pray together. Previously Ive found it very difficult to pray out loud together with others, Ive been too insecure. But again God surprised me. He made me feel safe! He gave me freedom and confidence to speak just as I prayed for it.
God is so mind bogglingly loving, amazing, awesome and great!
I just hope I'll manage to stay close to Him from now on. That the doubts won't overwhelm me again. I feel so weak.. so there's my prayer request.. I need help to overcome the doubts and the depressive thoughts.. I need insight and confidence .. to grow stronger..
Thank you for reading all this, I'm sorry I got so long-winded..!
So here's my little story.. !
During these past two months Ive had so much doubt and uncertainty about myself, my life and my faith. My mind was spinning wildly, depression was sneaking up on me and gradually stealing the little self-confidence I had. Feeling bad and insecure, I started withdrawing from everything. Hiding from people, hiding from God. A part of me was so weak that I started to believe in the negative thoughts. But at the same time I felt ashamed and guilty, because I saw myself falling.
Just having moved to a new place, I was supposed to find a church to go to. But the insecurity stopped me. Things became so complicated and difficult in my chaotic and overwhelmed mind, that I started to avoid thinking. I stopped trying, I stopped searching for answers, and worse: I stopped praying; I stopped communicating with God. The doubts, questions and difficult thoughts were just too much to deal with. So I hid from God.. and things went downhill..
This past week I found myself getting more and more anxious and stressed out, feeling the pressure increase. Just then, God did something wonderful for me. He called for me, through another person.. !
I started studying religion this fall, and although Im in a tiny class with only 13-14 students, we havent really gotten to know each other yet. We havent socialized much outside of school. I really like these people, but being insecure and lacking self-confidence, I havent dared to take any initiative. But this Friday a girl I really like surprised me: just out of the blue she invited me to breakfast the following day!
I was really happy, because I had been curious about her, thinking she seems like such a nice person. And I thought shed be interesting to talk with .. she just seemed like one of those people you can have a good conversation with. Really talk with.
And it turned out I was completely right .. when I visited her the following day, I had such a good time! We spent over four hours talking, and it was just so so so nice.. ! Both fun and inspiring. Somehow I ended up telling her how I was having a difficult time with doubts and questions. And right there, she said the thing that really got to me. She reminded me of how Adam and Eve hid from God ... and how God was calling for them She reminded me of Gods amazing love and grace. That He really cares, and that He is there even during hard times. That I can count on Him, and turn to Him for guidance, help and support.
It was only through hearing that that I realised that I had been hiding. And how foolish it was. It was just like God called to me, through her. Theres no need to hide!
I received so much inspiration through the conversation with my classmate. Its hard to express all my thoughts, but I hope Ive managed to share my experience ok. It was just such a wake-up call. Its amazing how much God cares, and how He looks after us. Even when I was hiding and struggling, He sent this beautiful person in my path, and spoke to me through her.
That night I prayed again for the first time in weeks. I was able to connect again. To feel again. I had been running away from myself, my difficult thoughts and feelings, trying to numb myself with empty distractions and escapes. It just hurt too much, I was just too overwhelmed to face things. But on Saturday I could cry again. And today, Sunday, I went to Church for the first time in.. months actually .. ! And it was so good to be there again. It was a new church for me, I didnt know anyone, but still it was such a relief to be there again. Just feeling that God is close, even when I cant express my thoughts. But I can turn to Him. How did I forget this? How could I drift so far away?
So here I am.. relieved.. reconnecting to God ...
He lets me know Hes close. He feels so close right now. During the service today, we were asked to go into small groups and pray together. Previously Ive found it very difficult to pray out loud together with others, Ive been too insecure. But again God surprised me. He made me feel safe! He gave me freedom and confidence to speak just as I prayed for it.
God is so mind bogglingly loving, amazing, awesome and great!
I just hope I'll manage to stay close to Him from now on. That the doubts won't overwhelm me again. I feel so weak.. so there's my prayer request.. I need help to overcome the doubts and the depressive thoughts.. I need insight and confidence .. to grow stronger..
Thank you for reading all this, I'm sorry I got so long-winded..!
Praise the Lord, Eveline! 
