Hello miS, WELCOME TO CF I'm glad that you found us and joined in the discussions with us
You may want to consider posting your questions/thoughts about Christianity on the Exploring Christianity and Struggles by Non-Christians boards, which can both be found here.
Praying for you! (I hope that's ok with you?)
May the Lord bless you as you seek to find Him and know Him!!
--David
p.s. - I'm looking forward to talking with you out on the other boards too
John 3
16 God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.