- Jun 18, 2014
- 25
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- Faith
- Non-Denom
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- US-Democrat
Hi there!
I'm new here. I joined this forum because I have been questioning my faith lately. I am almost 27. I am legally blind and have cerebral palsy. I can walk but when people look at my legs it's very obvious that something is wrong. I turned away from God when I was nineteen. My grandmother always used to tell me that God never gives us more than we are capable of handling. For a long time, I held on to that. In 2008, she died of cancer, and my grandfather hid information about the funeral and decided that he and his family were the only important people in her life. My mother (her daughter) and her side of the family were shunned and not allowed to attend. He didn't even get my nana a headstone. Her grave is still unmarked because we can't afford to get a headstone.
When she died, I really lost faith. I didn't understand how any of this could happen. I was a good person, and God had given me many challenges, and I thought that I could handle that, and then my family was crushed and I couldn't imagine a world in which God would allow so many horrible things to happen.
I ended up in the hospital. I was put on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications, and medication to make me sleep. More challenges. See, the truth is, my nana was the religious one. I never really ascribed to a faith, but when all of this happened, I felt completely lost.
In the time since then, my entire life has felt like it is crumbling around me. I feel as though I am lost. I've never really felt like I belonged, but this is a deeper feeling, something I almost can't explain, and I just wish things made sense. I wish I felt a sense of community. I wish things were simpler. When I can get 'away' from things, I feel so much better. In many ways I want to run away from it all--the family drama, the way I feel, the anxiety, the sadnesss, even technology. I want to feel 'safe' again, if that makes any sense.
I just don't know what to do, and I don't know if anyone here can help, but I figured I would join and meet others and learn.
I'm new here. I joined this forum because I have been questioning my faith lately. I am almost 27. I am legally blind and have cerebral palsy. I can walk but when people look at my legs it's very obvious that something is wrong. I turned away from God when I was nineteen. My grandmother always used to tell me that God never gives us more than we are capable of handling. For a long time, I held on to that. In 2008, she died of cancer, and my grandfather hid information about the funeral and decided that he and his family were the only important people in her life. My mother (her daughter) and her side of the family were shunned and not allowed to attend. He didn't even get my nana a headstone. Her grave is still unmarked because we can't afford to get a headstone.
When she died, I really lost faith. I didn't understand how any of this could happen. I was a good person, and God had given me many challenges, and I thought that I could handle that, and then my family was crushed and I couldn't imagine a world in which God would allow so many horrible things to happen.
I ended up in the hospital. I was put on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications, and medication to make me sleep. More challenges. See, the truth is, my nana was the religious one. I never really ascribed to a faith, but when all of this happened, I felt completely lost.
In the time since then, my entire life has felt like it is crumbling around me. I feel as though I am lost. I've never really felt like I belonged, but this is a deeper feeling, something I almost can't explain, and I just wish things made sense. I wish I felt a sense of community. I wish things were simpler. When I can get 'away' from things, I feel so much better. In many ways I want to run away from it all--the family drama, the way I feel, the anxiety, the sadnesss, even technology. I want to feel 'safe' again, if that makes any sense.
I just don't know what to do, and I don't know if anyone here can help, but I figured I would join and meet others and learn.
