Hi... So I have a question about forgiveness

[MichelleLovesU]

So I'm trying to change my old ways and live for God and study His word everyday and all that good stuff but forgiveness is a tricky one for me... I thought I was good at that because I was easily able to forgive people from my past who've hurt me as a child and things but that's because I had years to do it.

Now I'm facing another test. An old friend of mine from Philadelphia asking for forgiveness. It was my husband himself whom told me that "she was on his heels"(well he used a different word) basically she was pretty obsessive over him when she had her own relationship and daughter to tend to. Plus our friendship consisted of doing drugs together while her boyfriend sold them. The girl and I fought about it and it ended in us not being friends anymore. Well now she is looking to become friends again and I don't know how to handle it. Do I invite her with open arms because God forgives and so should we? Or do I distant myself away because she may be harmful to my family?

 

[ToBeLoved]

If your looking for a biblical answer I would say you should separate these two issues.

First, the forgiveness. Have you ever done anything not exactly like that, but something that you would consider just as 'crappy' to someone else? Or have you ever committed a sin against God knowing what you were doing? See the thing about forgiveness, is that God doesn't want us 'entrapped' in feelings of hate, dislike, shame, anger, ect. A big part of the forgiveness process is knowing that we could be capable of doing something like that to someone else or if we have changed our ways, that we understand when we/others are in a state of fulfilling their own fleshly desires (not sex, but just getting what they want in general) that it is a whole different ball game than those who are of God. The Bible says that those who are not of God (don't have the Holy Spirit) do not understand spiritual things, because wtihout God, a human's natural desire is to fulfill self.

If she is not a Christian, than you can of course forgive her because she is doing what people without God do. It is only GOd and His spirit in us that makes us not want to do those same things. What forgiveness does is it set's you free from the 'bad, negative' feelings that otherwise will hinder your realationsip with Him.

Now as far as the friendship is concerned, that is really totally different. In our society, we think that if you forgive someone than you need to go back in the relationship to the place you were before the incident happened, but God does not call us to that. What God calls us to do is to make things right with people. To show His love to others by looking out for what is best for them spiritually, not to exactly put our self back in the middle of a bad relationship or friendship. We are called to be peaceful and co-exist in peace (that was an eye-opener for me) and sometimes to co-exist with another in peace is not to become friends again or to really pursue a relationship.

Now if that person is a brother or sister in Christ, that could change things slightly, but only if they are living with biblical values. I cannot think of the verse, but there is a verse that talks about how if we are around those who are not strengthening and supportive of our walk with Christ, that over time it will lead us away from Him. That is an important factor if that is the way it is with you and this friend.

So, in a nutshell, you are called to forgive. To let that other person know that they are forgiven and that you no longer hold bad feelings.

The friendship being restored is not necessarily in your best interest and will depend on the type of relationship you can now have and if it would be a Godly friendship or not.

Good luck.

 

[brinny]

So I'm trying to change my old ways and live for God and study His word everyday and all that good stuff but forgiveness is a tricky one for me... I thought I was good at that because I was easily able to forgive people from my past who've hurt me as a child and things but that's because I had years to do it.

Now I'm facing another test. An old friend of mine from Philadelphia asking for forgiveness. It was my husband himself whom told me that "she was on his heels"(well he used a different word) basically she was pretty obsessive over him when she had her own relationship and daughter to tend to. Plus our friendship consisted of doing drugs together while her boyfriend sold them. The girl and I fought about it and it ended in us not being friends anymore. Well now she is looking to become friends again and I don't know how to handle it. Do I invite her with open arms because God forgives and so should we? Or do I distant myself away because she may be harmful to my family?

Forgiving doesn't mean you become friends with the one you've forgiven. It means that you lift the entire situation up to God, asking Him for His wisdom, discernment and clarity which He will surely give you. WAIT on Him and His prompting in this.

Just because we pardon a rattlesnake and not kill it for trying to kill us, we STILL keep our distance from it. It's STILL a rattlesnake. And it will SURELY bite again or attempt to if given a chance.

Sometimes we forgive "from a distance", dear heart.

Have you heard the story about the half-frozen snake?

 

[com7fy8]

I think that To Be Loved and Brinny have given you excellent answers.

But I will see how I can offer a little, too, here >

An old friend of mine from Philadelphia asking for forgiveness.

Well, if she is in another location, it could be as simple as forgiving her and then she is not around, anyway, to be trouble. But yes forgive her, but test if and how to trust her.

It was my husband himself whom told me that "she was on his heels"(well he used a different word) basically she was pretty obsessive over him when she had her own relationship and daughter to tend to.

So, if she is still not a Christian, or even if she is, she still could have the ability to get hung up about your husband. So, I would be very careful about if and how you help her to be involved with him and you. I suppose you can tell her you forgive her, but you are concerned about where she is at, about certain things, and ask her to please be ready for however you take precautions. And if she is sincere, I think she will be ok with this, or even welcoming you to make sure about her. But make it clear you do love her and forgive her, but you need to make sure about what is good for you two, now.

Plus our friendship consisted of doing drugs together while her boyfriend sold them. The girl and I fought about it and it ended in us not being friends anymore.

Well, if she is asking forgiveness about this, possibly she now appreciates she was wrong and intends to not be into that stuff, any more. But if she is trying to use "forgiveness" to open a door for her to use you . . . don't cooperate with what is wrong. If she is in another city and wants to spread drug business to where you are, she could be trying to use you as a way to have a place to stay while she is selling in your area. So, prayerfully test. I don't know all the details, and maybe you don't know a few

Also, she might ask forgiveness about the argument about drug dealing, but she might not want to call your attention to her interest in your husband . . . keep attention to the drug thing, in order to keep you from evaluating what her motives could be about him. But, like I say, I don't know. So, also, you might share with your husband about this, and pray together, if you both are into spiritual sharing and ministering, and agree to not let either of you, maybe, get alone with her where she can work her motives. Keep together with each other.

Do I invite her with open arms because God forgives and so should we? Or do I distant myself away because she may be harmful to my family?

Our Father has forgiven us, and now He is correcting us > Hebrews 12:6-11 > so, He has not just given us "open arms" for us to do whatever we jolly well please. He does see how we need correction, I can see from Hebrews 12:6-11. But, then, also, God does not distance Himself from us, but if we go the wrong way we are getting away from Him and He may arrange for people and things to resist us so we don't keep going the way Satan is taking us > "God resists the proud" (in James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5).

So, I would say open arms and distance are both extremes which are not correct! You do not have open arms without limits, but also you do not keep an impersonal distance. But test prayerfully, and possibly as you keep to living right she might just disappear if she is not spiritual for sharing things of God with you, even if you are good with her.

Test her with your good example (1 Peter 5:3, Galatians 6:1, James 5:16), and see if she feeds on your good example or leaves the dinner table

 

[Soyeong]