Hi. My Name is......

[formykidsiwill]

Hey B~ & Norm & anybody else that 'pops' in

Today was a day from the dark depths. I have not experienced pure red seeing anger sober or with out the aide of downers.

Funny thing I didn't even want a drink. I just didn't know how to react. It was at work, not so nice things going on, and it's just getting worse...found out something and boom...out of the blue, I saw red! My reaction was not lady like, or Christ like. I shouldn't even of driven home. (I tell my boys not to drive angry cause it's like driving drunk...no control.)

Anyways it's 6 hours later. Trying to get the 'situation' out of my head and forget my reaction.

Thanks for listening!
Wendy

Hi Wendy! I hope things have calmed down for you. I found that I had so much anger I didn't know was there after I first got sober. I mean boy, it surprised me. I guess holding all of that crap in and not dealing with it really made me an angry person. If you'd have asked me though, I'd have told you I wasn't an angry person. :o
I am Southern, and I was taught anger isn't ladylike. Well, thank goodness I don't try to be anything anymore, I just am!

Well, venting is healthy, so if you need to blow off some steam I'm here to listen.

Blessings,
B~

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hi Wendy! I hope things have calmed down for you. I found that I had so much anger I didn't know was there after I first got sober. I mean boy, it surprised me. I guess holding all of that crap in and not dealing with it really made me an angry person. If you'd have asked me though, I'd have told you I wasn't an angry person. :o
I am Southern, and I was taught anger isn't ladylike. Well, thank goodness I don't try to be anything anymore, I just am!

Well, venting is healthy, so if you need to blow off some steam I'm here to listen.

Blessings,
B~

Thanks B~

I am grateful there are only 24 hours in a day. That anger, if you chose, can leave faster than if I was in denial of the 'rage' or try to drown it with poison.
Today just 1/2hr ago I got a call regarding me getting off disability and not letting my boss 'bully' me around! I am going back to 'regular' work next week! Once again I will not celebrate the way I used to

I am grateful for this thread!

s & s
Wendy
Still wondering about this new roller coaster ride I'm on!

 

[formykidsiwill]

Thanks B~

I am grateful there are only 24 hours in a day. That anger if you chose can leave faster than if I was in denial of the 'rage' or try to drown it with poisen.
Today just 1/2 ago I got a call regarding me getting off disability and not letting my boss 'bully' me around! I am going back to 'regular' work next week! Once again I will not celebrate the way I used to

I am grateful for this thread!

s & s
Wendy
Still wondering about this new roller coaster ride I'm on!

Hi Wendy! Thanks for sharing.
Isn't it strange. When I entertained the thought of sobriety I imagined how life would be trouble free and everything would be good. I was totally shocked to find out that it isn't that way. Life still throws surprises that stunn me. People still get sick and die. People still put me down at times, or don't believe what I say. At first that was worse then now, it has gotten better after some time of proving that I will do as I say I 'll do, unlike before. Anyway, I shut out a great deal of my family to avoid all of that. Mostly my children are who I have to prove my changed life too. I just really wanted to touch on the fact that life is not going to get better just because I'm sober. And, no one is going to pat me on the back every time I do something right. I should have been doing that all along, so I need not expect everyone to start cheering now when I do what's right. I have to allow my children time to trust me now, sometimes that's not easy. Sometimes my disease tells me to just quit trying, it's no use anyway. I know that is my disease, and it's a liar! I tell someone about those thoughts that way they can't hold power over me. I know I can never drink again no matter what, but for me. I have to do this for me. I have to do what's best for me in sobriety, and always do the next right thing. That keeps it simple. Sometimes I wonder what I should do, then that little cleche(SP?) pops into my mind. "Do the next right thing" I go "O" so that's it..lol...
Anyway, it really is SIMPLE. I complicate it because chaos is comfortable to me, I'm use to it. However, there are times when I am at peace. I appreciate small things now. I realize now that my life is my family. I don't seek outside of my home anymore for fellowship, I find it in here, and I find safety in my home snuggled up to my children, or watching them play while I keep the house up. I know this is passing quickly and I am blessed to have this time with them. I pray to God that I do the right things always so that I can give them a foundation to stand on that is solid.
Anyway, I never intended to type all of this, but at times it's good to share. I hope someone can get something out of it.
God Bless you all,
B~

 

[justanobserver]

just passin thru and wanted to stick my head in the room and say hello.

 

[formykidsiwill]

just passin thru and wanted to stick my head in the room and say hello.

 

[PrairieGurl]

just passin thru and wanted to stick my head in the room and say hello.

Hey Norm How goes it?

 

[PrairieGurl]

Thanks for sharing B~!

It's always good to hear someone elses perspective on this roller coaster we're all on that we call life.
I know what you have shared has enlightened me, and I'm sure others will be encouraged by your words

s & s,
Wendy

 

[PrairieGurl]

Kind of embarrassing to read my post above and then to enter this.
Actually I just wanted to see if I could type while ing.
What's wrong? I really don't know. Which I think is the most frustrating thing.
Last night when I went to watch my son play a hockey game...an old friend was there and was excited that we would be attending games together (actually there were a few parents who I used to drink with on a regular basis) anyways she says that I could bring the coffee and she'd bring the booze. I just sat there. Emotions all out of wack.
Tomorrow is the first time I go back to work full time since March 06, it feels like my first day in a new life. And I'm really scared or I don't know what. ???
No downers to make it thru the day, no booze to drown the stress just the God I really want to feel in a real way right now.
I think what makes matters worse is our phone for the last 5 days has been dead...and since we are not a cell phone family...(except for our youngest who has a cell but it goes with him where ever he goes) I did call my Mom on his cell, but I didn't think paying for tears a good idea.
Even though my h is supportive, crying tends to make him uneasy (even after 20 years of seeing it on a regular basis.) the standard reaction is "Winnie, don't be silly" I'm thinking one can't be silly when she feels like she's dieing inside.
Anyways now I know I can type while crying. Takes a whole lot longer...but I can.

 

[Abigayle's Legacy]

Kind of embarrassing to read my post above and then to enter this.
Actually I just wanted to see if I could type while ing.
What's wrong? I really don't know. Which I think is the most frustrating thing.
Last night when I went to watch my son play a hockey game...an old friend was there and was excited that we would be attending games together (actually there were a few parents who I used to drink with on a regular basis) anyways she says that I could bring the coffee and she'd bring the booze. I just sat there. Emotions all out of wack.
Tomorrow is the first time I go back to work full time since March 06, it feels like my first day in a new life. And I'm really scared or I don't know what. ???
No downers to make it thru the day, no booze to drown the stress just the God I really want to feel in a real way right now.
I think what makes matters worse is our phone for the last 5 days has been dead...and since we are not a cell phone family...(except for our youngest who has a cell but it goes with him where ever he goes) I did call my Mom on his cell, but I didn't think paying for tears a good idea.
Even though my h is supportive, crying tends to make him uneasy (even after 20 years of seeing it on a regular basis.) the standard reaction is "Winnie, don't be silly" I'm thinking one can't be silly when she feels like she's dieing inside.
Anyways now I know I can type while crying. Takes a whole lot longer...but I can.

OK princess this is it the second time I'm going to say it you HAVE TO GET A CELL PHONE yes I'm yelling.....otherwise I'm gonna get you one!
And you know your BIG SIS means business....especially now that you are working and will need that ....you can prayer to God during the day and you can call a friend to help you pray.

 

[justanobserver]

Kind of embarrassing to read my post above and then to enter this.
Actually I just wanted to see if I could type while ing.
What's wrong? I really don't know. Which I think is the most frustrating thing.
Last night when I went to watch my son play a hockey game...an old friend was there and was excited that we would be attending games together (actually there were a few parents who I used to drink with on a regular basis) anyways she says that I could bring the coffee and she'd bring the booze. I just sat there. Emotions all out of wack.
Tomorrow is the first time I go back to work full time since March 06, it feels like my first day in a new life. And I'm really scared or I don't know what. ???
No downers to make it thru the day, no booze to drown the stress just the God I really want to feel in a real way right now.
I think what makes matters worse is our phone for the last 5 days has been dead...and since we are not a cell phone family...(except for our youngest who has a cell but it goes with him where ever he goes) I did call my Mom on his cell, but I didn't think paying for tears a good idea.
Even though my h is supportive, crying tends to make him uneasy (even after 20 years of seeing it on a regular basis.) the standard reaction is "Winnie, don't be silly" I'm thinking one can't be silly when she feels like she's dieing inside.
Anyways now I know I can type while crying. Takes a whole lot longer...but I can.

I wish I had the magic words to say that would help or strengthen but all i can say is I am sorry for what your going thru right now and the stress that it is causing you. The fact that you know your going thru these things without the need/use of substance, tells me that your stronger than you think right now.

May sound silly coming from an old backslider like me but there was a verse that once upon a time years ago I took to when I was having a hard time:

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe."
Just felt like sharing that verse with you was appropiate.

 

[LoG]

Slogans are handy at times, like:

This too shall pass.
One day at a time.
Let go let God

Challenging times are good for us believe it or not. They give us confidence that we can make it through the rough times without having to resort to our old ways.

Please don't neglect the meetings WTB, especially as life gets busier. The busier it gets the more important it becomes to do a morning meditation and get to regular meetings even if it is at the expense of neglecting family life for now.

Triggers will come at the most unexpected times. Be on your guard for them and recognize them for what they are and please don't hurt yourself by dwelling on your past life with the booze and pills. They only make the craving worse.


ps- If you need a phone you can download and install Skype set up a free account and it will allow you to make free calls across North America to landlines and cellphones until the end of the year. It requires a headset and highspeed internet. I've been using it for a couple of months now and it works great and I haven't paid out a cent or even given them a credit card number or cash.

 

[Abigayle's Legacy]

W go for it I'll buy you the headset myself!

 

[formykidsiwill]

Hi Wendy! I hope your feeling better today. My computer has been on the fritz, well. I am getting these strange little pop ups, so I haven't been online a lot the last few days.

I just wanted to say I love you, not much else to say right now.

Be blessed,
B~

 

[Abigayle's Legacy]

Ah so what goes up must come down... ......the Gabby has landed.

 

[justanobserver]

Helo Gabby! nice to meet you. hope things are going well for you.

 

[Abigayle's Legacy]

Not really... hiding.... eventually.....everything changes

 

[justanobserver]

(standing up)

Hi, my name is Norm and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. Havent spoke for a bit and had some thoughts runnin around the hamster cage in my mind.

Just sittin here perusing the threads and posts, thinking and re-thinking a lot of things, pondering a lot and wondering even more, from where I want to go and be to questioning acceptance by others. As I grow in my sobriety, I am viewing life thru clean and sober eyes and the reality can be scary at times since I am not hiding behind a substance. It forces me to deal with that which I would drink away to forget the horrors that I once lived not all that long ago and to accept that not everything bad that I have gone thru is my fault or that I am responsible.

To find the balance to where I can take responsibility for my own actions and to learn and to not blame myself for things that I had no control over, can be challenging. Things in my past I am still sorting thru to find the answers so I will not repeat them in my future. Things in my present I am sifting thru constantly, gaging what is good and what is not and what is neutral, who are true friends, who are not, who are the ones that look thru/past/around but dont/dont want to see you because your not like them - these things I deal with in my present - to keep only that which is good.

Getting clean and sober I think is the hardest initial step in road of recovery but many a time I think the daily maintenance of daily personal inventory and staying sober is even harder.

And to do all this while being sober! Time to time, that old voice whispers in my ear how it is so easy to just drink it away, or to smoke it away, and let the troubles just go bye.

Sometimes for me just trying to grow in sobriety is the hardest step I have taken. And to accept all that I am learning, seeing, pondering.

and with that;

Hi, my name is Norm and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I am in my first 2 yrs. thank you. (and I sit back down)

 

[justanobserver]

Not really... hiding.... eventually.....everything changes

I am sorry to hear that. Everything does change and it scares me, makes me anxious, am looking forward to change and more of it, dreading what it can be, etc. The things I needed to change from is preferable to what I was and what I desire to become. Still working on it an got a loooooooooong way to go!

 

[newcreature]

I would like to share what my Starbuck's coffee cup had quoted on it this evening. And the timing was perfect for me. When I have more time, I will share where I am at.

"The Way I See It #150"

All unhappiness and stagnation
result from a feeling that you are
at the mercy of the world and the
people in it. But what a joy it is,
what a major shift to strength and
power, when you no longer wait
around for others to favor and
love you, for others to flatter and
reward you. Reward and flatter
yourself, favor and love yourself.

--Kira Salak (Writer and Nat. Geographic Emerging Explorer)

 

[Abigayle's Legacy]

A miracle occured tonight ...God sent an Angel to minister to me ......it came in the form of a phone call and it touched my soul to it's very core and warmed my heart like never before Praise GOD there are Angels on earth, and I just spoke to one!