been doin ok. forgot how strong the urge/desire to drink can be for folks like us.
one moment and one step at a time.
Hi Norm,
The only way I could stop smoking was by simply saying to myself, "Not just now. I'll have it in a few minutes time." And then I'd say the same thing again. The relief I felt was palpable, because I really meant it, each time I said it, but I found it surprisingly easy that way." It had already struck me that, far from being soothing, smoking made me more nervous, as I anticpated my next one!
I did relapse once, but that was just stupidity, rather than an overpowering urge. However, after stopping a second time, I never looked back. In fact, before long the smell of smoke disgusted me. But of course, addictions are bound to have different features.
I suppose I still haven't given it up "officially", just forgotten to keep wanting a smoke and saying the "magic words". But there is a definite crossover between the self-denial and character, needed in order for an alcoholic person to give up alcohol and the spiritual life of the Christian. "One day at a time" is something for us all to live by, addicted or not. Living in the present.
Here is, I think, the first post, on page 3, that I sent to the addiction/recovery thread on an American board called Democratic Underground. The board has a lot of good stuff, but has too many militant atheists on it, and is too indulgent towards them at reason's expense. Some of them in this thread get very worked up about reference to a Higher Power!
Anyway, here is the thread:
Democratic Underground - Addiction/Recovery Group
My last post is on page 2 under the u/n "Joe Chi Minh". (Before that it was KCabotDullesM... [KCabotDullesMarxIII, in full....!], just on pages 2 and 3, I think.)
"I believe that if someone has a positive outlook - even with low self-esteem - "One day at a time" can be made to work.
As regards the psychology of abstinence in a reformed alcoholic, it's rather like a religous conversion, in that it should inspire the person concerned with real confidence that it can be done by he or she personally, indeed has already begun, provided only one thing: they must be prepared to humbly accept suffering.
He or she needs to accept whatever kind of mood, state of mind, stresses, whatever, which will repeatedly but eventually decreasingly prompt that person to find solace in another drink - and repeatedly reject it. He or she should regard it as a plus that they are not required to "do" something - but, rather, "not do" it. That kind of passive strength - the only real, lasting strength, if the truth be known, is normally a more marked characteristic of women.
I noticed with regard to someone close to me that in the early days, before she was able to break free, there were always people on hand, most notably some family members, who, even though disparaging her to others, or personally disparaging her (when she was actually "in her cups") would encourage her to drink! I believe you call them "co-alcoholics".
To my mind to say that that is beneath contempt is an understatement, but the person must bear in mind that, with God's help, they have the strength to resist it, when possible, even to avoid their company.
Self-pity, though a particularly common feature among the young, is the other face of the coin. You cannot afford to succumb to it. Hence the need for acceptance of suffering. It never lasts for ever, there is always light and shade, and you have to just let the depression roll over you, in the certain knowledge that tomorrow is another day, even another life. None of us can be certain of what it holds for us.
Like every aspect of virtue, it is not a matter of making a single decision (though that first decision may define the rest of your life from that very instant) but repeated decisions, and the faculty of living in the present, so that you don't feel wearied by repetition of the decision. It's going to get easier and easier with practice over time, and love in your heart for the person or people who want to support you.
I found this beautiful anecdote of how a combination of hope and a spirit of sacrifice (preparedness to suffer innocently) transformed Solzhenitsin's life, when he was working in a desperate prison camp in Siberia in political thread on DU, a lttle earlier today:
"Along with other prisoners, he worked in the fields day after day, in rain and sun, during summer and winter. His life appeared to be nothing more than backbreaking labor and slow starvation. The intense suffering reduced him to a state of despair.
On one particular day, the hopelessness of his situation became too much for him. He saw no reason to continue his struggle, no reason to keep on living. His life made no difference in the world. So he gave up.
Leaving his shovel on the ground, he slowly walked to a crude bench and sat down. He knew that at any moment a guard would order him to stand up, and when he failed to respond, the guard would beat him to death, probably with his own shovel. He had seen it happen to other prisoners.
As he waited, head down, he felt a presence. Slowly he looked up and saw a skinny old prisoner squat down beside him. The man said nothing. Instead, he used a stick to trace in the dirt the sign of the Cross. The man then got back up and returned to his work.
As Solzhenitsyn stared at the Cross drawn in the dirt his entire perspective changed. He knew he was only one man against the all-powerful Soviet empire. Yet he knew there was something greater than the evil he saw in the prison camp, something greater than the Soviet Union. He knew that hope for all people was represented by that simple Cross. Through the power of the Cross, anything was possible.
Solzhenitsyn slowly rose to his feet, picked up his shovel, and went back to work. Outwardly, nothing had changed. Inside, he had received hope."
An 18th centrury, French, Jesuit, spiritual writer called Pierre De Caussade wrote a book called The Sacrament of the Present Moment. In it, he says that it is better to pick up a piece of scrap paper and put it in the waste-paper basket, if that is God would wants of you at that moment, than give your body to be burnt at the stake, if its not what he would want of you then. The whole day is made holy, as we bring order out of chaos, acting appropriately in the small things that make up our day, as well as any larger ones. The Hours, the Psalms they prayed in the Gospels, can further sanctify our day. The Catholic Church calls it The Prayer of the Church", now, though I believe it was known as the Breviary.
