Hi. My Name is......

[justanobserver]

Hey, 32 days and still sober! Thanks for all positive thoughts and prayers that were sent my way. I suspected it might be a rough week and I did come close to a slip. Of course, maybe I just fulfilled my own prophecy. I've really got to work on avoiding negative thinking.

Thursday was an especially rough day at work, then I stood outside in frigid temps, for an hour, so my kids could sled. My brain was frozen and all it could do was think of any place that might sell alcohol in the short drive between sledding and home. I really wanted a drink, for the first time in weeks. Also, I had Friday off (for the purpose of going to an AA meeting) and I had thoughts of drinking all day long w/ no one to worry about as the kids would be in school.

I'm happy to report that I drove straight home without stopping. I thought about H.A.L.T.; the triggers for drinking. Was I too hungry? Yes! Was I exhausted (tired) ? Yes! So the kids and I ate dinner, drank hot cocoa, changed into our pajamas, and plopped in front of the boob tube under many blankets to get warm. Magically the strong desire to drink left me. For extra insurance I made sure to go the the noon AA meeting that I had been planning to go to all week.

Actually, today is Saturday and I am still having fleeting thoughts of wanting a drink. I guess my brain got kicked back into "I'm a drunk, might as well drink" mode or something. I tried to find a sponsor today. The two ladies I've been wanting to ask were not available. I knew I should have set that up BEFORE I needed it. Live and learn.

32 days! thats great! But whats real great is thru out your post, you mewntion how you could have and want to drink but YOU DIDNT! Now, thats real great!
It aint easy - heck, I been sober for 2 1/2 yrs and some nights the urge to drink os so strong I have a hard tinme but I get thru it. I keep looking at the long range picture and I see myself down a road clean and sober and then I see myself down that same road back on stoned and drunk and well, I like the first option better.

Theres an old saying from a old tv cigaret commercial I liken to myself when I see where I am at now and just a couple years ago - "You come a long way baby!"

Your doing great kanga. it aint easy, its hard, sometimes lonely, sometimes it would be just easier to toss in the towel, give up fighting it and go back BUT theres too much at stake.

your doing great!

 

[justanobserver]

I'm so happy to hear that you are taking care of yourself so well Kanga! That is a huge step, and to realize other things you did need to take care of to help squash the desire to drink, even if only temporarily, was such a wonderful to do for yourself.

I hope everyone else is finding the support they need to continue taking care of themselves as well.

Big Toe - yer such a sweetie!

 

[justanobserver]

just wanna say "hey" to all and hope everyone is doin ok.

be well.

 

[BigToe]

*snuggles*

 

[Garnet2727]

Hi all. Just want to let you know that it is likely that I will stop visiting CF in the very near future. As it is, I rarely stop by now or post. There's nothing drastic going on in my life, so no worries there. It's just that all the reasons I had for participating in CF have pretty much evaporated. I will miss you folks in here, but I find that it is best for my mental health to drop CF as a whole.

Be well, all. I will drop by from time to time over the next week or so to check my PMs. But after that, I'll be dropping CF entirely.

Oh...and just to end on a high note...still sober and still not smoking.

 

[justanobserver]

Hi all. Just want to let you know that it is likely that I will stop visiting CF in the very near future. As it is, I rarely stop by now or post. There's nothing drastic going on in my life, so no worries there. It's just that all the reasons I had for participating in CF have pretty much evaporated. I will miss you folks in here, but I find that it is best for my mental health to drop CF as a whole.

Be well, all. I will drop by from time to time over the next week or so to check my PMs. But after that, I'll be dropping CF entirely.

Oh...and just to end on a high note...still sober and still not smoking.

Sorry to see you leave. You will be missed, my friend. I wish you well wherever you be and that you remain drink and smoke free.

 

[LoG]

Oh...and just to end on a high note...still sober and still not smoking.

Congrats on your continued sobriety Garnet. Great that there is nothing drastic going on for you considering the lack of booze and cigarettes. For many people who stop them, life tends to get worse initially from an emotional pov. More prone to anger, resentment, depression, etc.
There's always AA if you do find yourself suffering from them in future.

Good fortune to you in all your future endeavors.

 

[justanobserver]

just checking in and saying howdies. this Thuresday night I will more than likely be going to a local church that started a Celebrate Recovery Program last year. I just found out about it several days ago thru a prayer request I have in the Non Christian prayer request section here.

so.... things are movin and groovin here.

 

[Antiscamp]

Yo. Seven weeks and a few days for me. And doing real fine. I've had some skirmishes with the Booze Devil, but been able to beat him back. Real good this.



Cheers.

 

[kanga22]

Hey all, still sober here. I'm on about day 42 now? I don't know... sober since Jan. 15 anyway... you do the math.

Ever since my 30 day mark, I've been depressed. Before that I was riding the pink cloud. Is this something most bodies go through when denied drink for this period of time? I've had suicidal thoughts, but hopefully am done with that. Lately, I worry that my feelings and thoughts are too much for my AA friends to deal with. I'm severely lacking in money or insurance for therapy, but thinking maybe that's what I need to preserve my life at this point. Any thoughts? Did you all experience problems with depression in your early sobriety?

 

[BigToe]

*snuggles* Many therapists are willing to work out a deal financially to cut a discount so you can get the help you need. It might be worth looking into. I know several folks in AA and very few of the ones I know aren't in therapy of some sort. Many of them are even on antidepressants. So from my experience I would say not to worry about you doing something wrong because it seems to go with the territory. You're making a HUGE lifestyle change. Any sort of lifestyle change can rock the boat enough to make you depressed, let alone one as big as giving up drinking. Don't let anyone tell you it is no big deal, it is. You're making a drastic change that can potentially save your life. You're doing a big thing to take care of yourself. It is also a big thing for those around you. It's no small task and it take guts and courage to do. You're a strong person to know it is something you need to be doing for yourself. But being strong doesn't mean there won't be any bumps along the way. And it might hurt on those bumps, but it makes the journey all the more worthwhile and beautiful.

 

[BigToe]

Garnet- I'll miss you. Are you giving up internet message boards altogether? Or is there somewhere else where we might be able to run into you?

 

[LoG]

Ever since my 30 day mark, I've been depressed. Before that I was riding the pink cloud. Is this something most bodies go through when denied drink for this period of time? I've had suicidal thoughts, but hopefully am done with that.

Hi Kanga. Yes, things can be a little rocky at first what with pink clouds for a day or week and then down into depression and other negative emotions. Many of us became alcoholics and drug addicts as a way of dealing with these feelings and emotions. Things level out over time as we start to apply the Steps to our situations and learn to rely on a power greater than ourselves in a meaningful way.

Lately, I worry that my feelings and thoughts are too much for my AA friends to deal with. I'm severely lacking in money or insurance for therapy, but thinking maybe that's what I need to preserve my life at this point. Any thoughts? Did you all experience problems with depression in your early sobriety?

I'd be surprised if what you are going through would be too much to handle for those persons that have a little time and have done the Steps. Most alcoholics have gone through the wringer a few times and should be able to relate to what another is going through.

Have you asked someone with some contented sobriety to sponsor you and/or have started to work the Steps?
Have you been able to go to some F2F meetings?

Over the years I have seen some very messed up people (including myself) who by working the program as it is laid out in the Big Book, were able to find peace and contentment without having to resort to psychiatry, therapy or mood-altering substances and in fact experience has shown that these things will rarely work for us. The biggest enemy we face sometimes is impatience. We didn't become alcoholics in one day, neither do we recover in one day.

 

[mustang_94]

Hey all, still sober here. I'm on about day 42 now? I don't know... sober since Jan. 15 anyway... you do the math.

Ever since my 30 day mark, I've been depressed. Before that I was riding the pink cloud. Is this something most bodies go through when denied drink for this period of time? I've had suicidal thoughts, but hopefully am done with that. Lately, I worry that my feelings and thoughts are too much for my AA friends to deal with. I'm severely lacking in money or insurance for therapy, but thinking maybe that's what I need to preserve my life at this point. Any thoughts? Did you all experience problems with depression in your early sobriety?

Yes, we all go thru these things to one degree or another. The important thing is KEEP COMING BACK! DON'T DRINK even if your butt falls off. Just pick it up and take it to the MEETING with you. Try to HELP ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC. TRUST GOD. Raise your hand in the meeting and say, Hi, I'm Kanga and I'm an alcoholic and this is what I'm going thru, and this is how I feel. KEEP IT SIMPLE. ONE DAY AT A TIME. NOTHING CHANGES, UNTIL SOMETHING CHANGES. Trust me, if you tell them what's going on someone in the meeting is going to say, you know I'm so glad you said that because I've been going thru the same thing and I was too afraid to bring it up. LOVE YOU and HOPE things are better soon. It works, it really does!!!!

 

[kanga22]

Yes, we all go thru these things to one degree or another. The important thing is KEEP COMING BACK!

Thanks for reminding me to keep coming back. I really need to hear that a lot! The thought of just shrinking into a quiet corner is so tempting. Right now I'm sitting on a fence. Do I just give up on me and let my mind take me where it wants to, or do I fight my mind, and force my body to take action and work the program. It seems like an easy choice, but it really is a struggle for me right now.

DON'T DRINK even if your butt falls off. Just pick it up and take it to the MEETING with you.

lol. Geez, I'm a woman, and as most women will tell you, if my butt fell off, I'd rejoice. Come to think of it, if my upper thighs and hips wanted to follow suit, that would be fine too. Thanks for the chuckle.

Try to HELP ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC. TRUST GOD. Raise your hand in the meeting and say, Hi, I'm Kanga and I'm an alcoholic and this is what I'm going thru, and this is how I feel.

I guess I'm feeling so wrapped up in my own problems, that I'm not capable of helping anybody else at the moment.

 

[kanga22]

I'd be surprised if what you are going through would be too much to handle for those persons that have a little time and have done the Steps. Most alcoholics have gone through the wringer a few times and should be able to relate to what another is going through.

If another person came up to me and said, "I'm so depressed that I think about killing myself", it would be too much for me to handle. I don't want to do that to another person who is also struggling with this disease and has their own problems.

Have you asked someone with some contented sobriety to sponsor you and/or have started to work the Steps?
Have you been able to go to some F2F meetings?

Yes, I've called two ladies about being my sponsor. Neither was available for me. I've been to some f2f meetings also. In my area, on my schedule, many times I am the only woman there. This is not what I need right now. I need women to talk to in person. Online I don't have a problem with talking to men in a public format. But, my husband is not treating me very well, and I am too vulnerable to be around men too much. I don't trust myself. And I find myself thinking about things that don't have a positive effect on my sobriety.

Over the years I have seen some very messed up people (including myself) who by working the program as it is laid out in the Big Book, were able to find peace and contentment without having to resort to psychiatry, therapy or mood-altering substances and in fact experience has shown that these things will rarely work for us. The biggest enemy we face sometimes is impatience. We didn't become alcoholics in one day, neither do we recover in one day.

Well, that's a good point for me to remember. Thank you.

 

[kanga22]

*snuggles* You're making a HUGE lifestyle change. Any sort of lifestyle change can rock the boat enough to make you depressed, let alone one as big as giving up drinking. Don't let anyone tell you it is no big deal, it is. You're making a drastic change that can potentially save your life. You're doing a big thing to take care of yourself. It is also a big thing for those around you. It's no small task and it take guts and courage to do. You're a strong person to know it is something you need to be doing for yourself. But being strong doesn't mean there won't be any bumps along the way. And it might hurt on those bumps, but it makes the journey all the more worthwhile and beautiful.

Thank you. Your words and message are comforting to me.

 

[justanobserver]

Hey all, still sober here. I'm on about day 42 now? I don't know... sober since Jan. 15 anyway... you do the math.

Ever since my 30 day mark, I've been depressed. Before that I was riding the pink cloud. Is this something most bodies go through when denied drink for this period of time? I've had suicidal thoughts, but hopefully am done with that. Lately, I worry that my feelings and thoughts are too much for my AA friends to deal with. I'm severely lacking in money or insurance for therapy, but thinking maybe that's what I need to preserve my life at this point. Any thoughts? Did you all experience problems with depression in your early sobriety?

Hi Kanga. I hope you are doing well. I read your post the other day and my heart goes out to you. Outside of expressing my thougths and support for and to you, all I can add is endorcements to what the others have said in reply to your post.

When I quit using and then quit drinking, my emotions were all over the map. Up one second and way down the next. Was like I was exhibiting every sign of manic depressive, although it was more depressive than manic.

I got thru the hardest parts solo but its not anything I would ever recommend to anyone. I wished I had reached out for support and help in those first few weeks. But for personal reasons, I didnt and kept to myself. If i was to do it over (and God I hope I dont ever have to), I would have someone to call upon and go to.

All i can recommend is what the others here have already done - there is some good advise given in the replies to your post.

I wish you strength and that your doing well.

 

[kanga22]

Hi Kanga.
I wish you strength and that your doing well.

Still here, thanks. My depression has not been as bad as it was. No more suicidal thoughts since my initial crash. A couple of years ago an elementary teacher (of 15 yrs) committed suicide leaving behind two young children (same ages as my kids). The thought of how her death affected her family and our small rural community has probably kept me from doing something stupid, more than anything else.

I've been trying to reach out and help other people when I see an opportunity. That is good therapy for me. I know that I'm still not working the AA program like I'm supposed to, and that might end up being my downfall. I hope not though. It is so difficult for me to get to meetings. Usually the question is Do I pay for food, or the gas to get to a meeting? And I've got to feed my kids, so...

I've tried to find a sponsor, but that is very difficult when I can't get to meetings. In the meantime, I go to online meetings, read, and stay open to opportunities to encourage and help others. That seems to be the best therapy for me right now. I feel myself slowing coming out of my depression and back to the land of living.

Thanks for your thoughts and concern.

 

[Taylor43]

Hi there not doing very well I fell back one of my best friends wants me to tell my counsellor i hate hiding but it is so hard. I had a friend online committ suicide and i miss her so much. Sorry to go on