Hi. My Name is......

BigToe said:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Dp0Bq6_BIBQ is my fave because it's so completely random. It's sort of Blair Witch meets Croc Hunter.

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I love that BigToe. Thanks for sharing that. Although those dust bunnies look mighty tame compared to mine. I probably haven't vacuumed more than a few times since my husband's death and my house is a mess. I almost vacuumed today though so I think I will soon be able to say, "death to the dust bunnies!" Maybe tomorrow.

tkdjunkie said:

Hi, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I was sober as of January 8, 2006, but I made a terrible mistake and drank two weeks ago So my new sobriety date is March 22, 2006. With God's help, it will be my permanent sobriety date!

I'm recommitting my life to God right now, so I joined the forums here for online fellowship. Thanks for this forum, and thanks for allowing me to share.

-----
Edit:

I just wanted to tell other people who may have problems with alcohol:

You might not believe it, but you don't have to drink today. You really don't have to. There IS a way out! There IS hope.

If you feel like your life is going out of control, feel free to post about it here.

Don't worry about your reputation. Alcoholism is a disease that many respectable people have. Society paints the portrait of the alcoholic as a "wife beater" or a "homeless bum". That is a highly inaccurate societal portrayal that prevents people from seeking help when they really need it. So don't let fear or shame prevent you from introducing yourself or asking for help.

Maybe you don't know if you're an alcoholic. That's okay too. The important message is that you don't have to drink today.

Thanks for letting me share (again) ...

~Allie

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I know that I don't HAVE to drink today(and I would have been fine if I hadn't) but, what if I just really really really WANT to drink today? Does that make me an alcoholic?

I think I have a problem. I no longer have anyone to keep me accountable. Dh is not home to tease me into not buying it, or if by rare occasion it is in the house, drinking it. Lately, I find myself drinking everynight and everyday from noon on, if I don't need to go anywhere or get called into work. I feel so weak. I know that if I needed to go to work or be somewhere later, I'm fine with not drinking. But, if I have no place to be I drink everything and anything I can find. It seems obvious that maybe I should fill up my days with activity, but my kids really need some "down time" when they get home from school - at least once in a while.

Does anyone here have a similar story?

I know a lady who would go to the liquor store as soon as she got off work. She worked the early shift at a coffee/breakfast place so she was finished by 10 am. She wouldn't drink before work and go drunk, but she'd spend all her time off work drunk.

After watching her and then hearing your story, my heart goes out to you. But I do know there are a lot of people with similar stories and you aren't alone.

kanga22 said:

I know that I don't HAVE to drink today(and I would have been fine if I hadn't) but, what if I just really really really WANT to drink today? Does that make me an alcoholic?

I think I have a problem. I no longer have anyone to keep me accountable. Dh is not home to tease me into not buying it, or if by rare occasion it is in the house, drinking it. Lately, I find myself drinking everynight and everyday from noon on, if I don't need to go anywhere or get called into work. I feel so weak. I know that if I needed to go to work or be somewhere later, I'm fine with not drinking. But, if I have no place to be I drink everything and anything I can find. It seems obvious that maybe I should fill up my days with activity, but my kids really need some "down time" when they get home from school - at least once in a while.

Does anyone here have a similar story?

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Hi kanga22

My opinion is that if you think you have a problem with alcohol than you probably do have one.

I like you never just had to have a drink. I could go without it...I just wanted it for the effects it had. Perhaps you should ask yourself just why it is that you want it so badly. If your like me it's because you have somethings in your life that are just hard to cope with and the alcohol is a welcome escape from the real world.

I hadn't drank heavily for over 25 years until my husbands death and then I had only drank heavily for a few months before I realized that if I continued going the way I was going I would only be making my life worse. Alcohol never solves any problems, it just adds to the ones you already have. So realize that when you are drinking just because you want to you are just adding problems to your ordinary problems of life. Why would someone want to do that?

And no matter how careful you are your judgement will be impaired and you will one day have to go somewhere after you've been drinking and you will get in the car and go. Believe me it will happen. I am the most careful person I have ever known and after staying up all night drinking I suddenly remember that I had an important doctor's appointment early that morning. So I went to that appointment not realizing just how drunk I still was from the night before. Thank God I didn't hurt anyone, but the doctor was obviously aware of my condition as he decided to check my liver while I was there.

So I urge you to stop while you are free to choose...if you really are still free. If not the day may come when you are no longer free to choose.

AA can help you learn how to cope with life's problems without needing alcohol.

I was at first very frightened about going to an AA meeting as I imagined everyone would be the type of alcoholic that you see living on the streets. Boy was I wrong. In many of the meetings I go to there are people from every walk of life, including doctors and lawyers. AA just consists of ordinary people trying to cope with this life which can sometimes be very difficult by trusting in God, not alcohol to help them cope.

I would say why not go to an AA meeting and check it out.

You can usually find a local AA meeting schedule by googling your city and "aa meetings."

I would be happy to help you find a meeting in your area if you would like the help. That's how I found my first AA meeting...a member of this forum, from another country even, found a meeting less than a mile from my house and told me to go!

Please don't hesitate if I can help you in any way!

justanobserver said:

Hi Terri - welcome to the recovery forum or at least to this thread!

hope to see more of you here.

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Hi Justanobserver. Thanks for the welcome.

I hope I will be able to post more these days...afraid isolation is one of my favorite things and it takes quite a bit of effort at this time to fight my isolationist tendencies.

hi welcome

Terri said:

Hi kanga22

My opinion is that if you think you have a problem with alcohol than you probably do have one.

I like you never just had to have a drink. I could go without it...I just wanted it for the effects it had. Perhaps you should ask yourself just why it is that you want it so badly. If your like me it's because you have somethings in your life that are just hard to cope with and the alcohol is a welcome escape from the real world.

I hadn't drank heavily for over 25 years until my husbands death and then I had only drank heavily for a few months before I realized that if I continued going the way I was going I would only be making my life worse. Alcohol never solves any problems, it just adds to the ones you already have. So realize that when you are drinking just because you want to you are just adding problems to your ordinary problems of life. Why would someone want to do that?

And no matter how careful you are your judgement will be impaired and you will one day have to go somewhere after you've been drinking and you will get in the car and go. Believe me it will happen. I am the most careful person I have ever known and after staying up all night drinking I suddenly remember that I had an important doctor's appointment early that morning. So I went to that appointment not realizing just how drunk I still was from the night before. Thank God I didn't hurt anyone, but the doctor was obviously aware of my condition as he decided to check my liver while I was there.

So I urge you to stop while you are free to choose...if you really are still free. If not the day may come when you are no longer free to choose.

AA can help you learn how to cope with life's problems without needing alcohol.

I was at first very frightened about going to an AA meeting as I imagined everyone would be the type of alcoholic that you see living on the streets. Boy was I wrong. In many of the meetings I go to there are people from every walk of life, including doctors and lawyers. AA just consists of ordinary people trying to cope with this life which can sometimes be very difficult by trusting in God, not alcohol to help them cope.

I would say why not go to an AA meeting and check it out.

You can usually find a local AA meeting schedule by googling your city and "aa meetings."

I would be happy to help you find a meeting in your area if you would like the help. That's how I found my first AA meeting...a member of this forum, from another country even, found a meeting less than a mile from my house and told me to go!

Please don't hesitate if I can help you in any way!

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Thank you for posting about this. You've given me a new way to look at my drinking, and I am grateful for that. I think that I'm still at the place where I can choose not to drink. My weakness has always been an empty house with alcohol already in it.

I also googled AA meetings and found a drug/alcohol rehab center that looks like it would be full of information on meetings I could attend. The information you gave me helped me realize that I don't have to be scared to "check it out". Thank you.

I hope you can feel confident to come out of isolation. You are a person with helpful opinions and ideas. I will pray for the Lord's strength and peace in your life. God bless.

justanobserver said:

Hi Kanga and welcome to the recovery forum!

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Thanks.

justanobserver said:

You ask if your an alcoholic. Only you can really make that determination but like Terri said, if you think you have a problem, then you probably do.

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That's what is scaring me. It seems that lately I'm better at coming up with reasons why it's okay to drink, rather than focusing on activities that don't include having a glass of wine or beer sitting in front of me.
I just feel myself slowly getting out of control with it.

I was an alcoholic in high school and college. It actually started in when I was 12. My sister got me started on pot in sixth grade and by eighth grade I was high everyday, all day. After I had a freak-out episode with that in ninth grade, I switched to alcohol. I always kept a bottle of Yukon Jack under my bed and drank myself to sleep.

In college I realized I had a problem the morning I made myself a vodka martini before breakfast..... Yep, it took that long for me to realize I had a problem. After looking at what I just wrote, you'd think I would have realized it sooner. Hmm... Although, through all this I did well in school and even had an academic scholarship to college.

My freshman year at college, I had was dating a man who was also the child of two alcoholics. (oh, I guess I didn't mention that my parents were alcoholics and let me drink in front of them when I was 16+) Anyway, this man (now dh) liked me in every way except my excessive drinking. So, I stopped for him. I try to lean on the Lord and not make dh my Lord, but it was truly dh's vocal influence and presence in my life that has kept me sober for 20 years. Now he is on the road most of the time for work. We see him for 3-4 days once a month. My drinking started again when he began this job last Spring.

justanobserver said:

One way to answer your question is in Step 1 of the 12 Steps - we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. That was me. I drank. I had to drink. I could not control when I drank. I had no control - I would drink until 1) I passed out or 2) I ran out of money or 3) I ran out of booze or 4) all the above.

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I do have control, I think. If there is no alcohol in the house, I won't go get it. But, if I am in the grocery store with xtra $ and the desire to drink that day, then I will buy it. I do not drink until I pass out. I do have trouble stopping after one drink. Usually when I start I have three, then stop. I'm just afraid I'm on a slippery slope.

justanobserver said:

just to get up a few hours later, go to base, do my army thing then repeat the same cycle immediately after I am off duty every day over and over and over. never ending, a viscious circle.

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You just reminded me about a dark time in my life! After being together for seven years, dh and I called off our wedding. I was living by myself for the first time in my life and everyday, after work, I rushed home so that I could get as drunk as possible in the privacy of my own home. I drank myself to sleep every evening. Got up the next day, went to work, went home and drank, day after day. Somehow in this dh and I made up and eventually got married. Once we were back together my drinking completely stopped again. ... I do have a problem, don't I?

Thanks for giving me a place to write all this out. I didn't see all these connections until right now.

justanobserver said:

it cost me my marriage, career and retirement - I was released from the Army 2 years short from retirement due to my drinking.

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I'm sorry to hear that.

justanobserver said:

I came to the conclusion for me and admitted that I am an alcoholic was based for me on a few things:

can I really go without and not feel antsy/bad/squirrily/tense/nervouse: no

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I don't feel antsy/bad/squirrily/tense or nervous, but I might have it on my mind and wish that I could.

justanobserver said:

do I drink every day regardless of its just a few or to get drunk but its done everyday: yes

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My answer here is no. If it's not in the house, I don't drink it. My problem is controlling my urge to buy it when I'm at the store.

justanobserver said:

when I do drink can I control it, can I have just one and walk away. no

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No. I can't just have one drink, unless that's all I have in the house. And, I've actually thought of running to the little corner store to get more if I have one and run out. I haven't done it, but I can feel the "reasoning" kicking into gear.

justanobserver said:

As with Terri - I strongly recommend AA - look in the phone book or go to their web site to find a meeting.

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Thanks for the links. I will look into them.

Monica

rocklife said:

hi welcome

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Hi Rocklife!

kanga22 said:

Thank you for posting about this. You've given me a new way to look at my drinking, and I am grateful for that. I think that I'm still at the place where I can choose not to drink. My weakness has always been an empty house with alcohol already in it.

I also googled AA meetings and found a drug/alcohol rehab center that looks like it would be full of information on meetings I could attend. The information you gave me helped me realize that I don't have to be scared to "check it out". Thank you.

I hope you can feel confident to come out of isolation. You are a person with helpful opinions and ideas. I will pray for the Lord's strength and peace in your life. God bless.

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Hi kanga22.

Thank you so much for your prayers kanga22! They are much needed as I get to the point of being suicidal when I isolate myself.

I will keep you in my prayers also and I have confidence that God will lead you to have the courage to do those things you need to do to face life and it's difficulties without the need to lean on alcohol.

God loves us so much. I pray that we will all have the courage to face life's difficulties and to not turn away from God by leaning on something like alcohol rather than leaning on our Dear Heavenly Father. And, I have come to see it that way...that when I turn to alcohol to help me cope, I am turning away from God.

Hi, My name is Monica and I am an alcoholic. I now realize that I do not have control over this. I'm not a social drinker. The only reason I drink is to get drunk. If it's available, then I will drink it. And my life would be better without it.

How do you keep your resolve to stay away from it? Does every recovering addict have another person in their life keeping them accountable? Or, is it just between you and God? What do you do to stay sober? Today I can feel good about this new path I want to take. But, will I still feel the same way, in a week/month/year? How do YOU stay on track?

That's one of the things AA meetings can help you with. You try out several meetings and perhaps find one you want to consider your "home" group and get a sponsor. That's where a lot of human accountability comes in. And every sponsor works different ways, so if you get one and it really isn't working, by all means find one who will ask you the tough questions and such, but also help you the ways that will actually help you. It isn't a joke and sponsors aren't best friends, so you can get a new sponsor.

And you take things one day at a time. You can't stress out over yesterday and everything you did wrong. And you can't worry about tomorrow and what might go wrong. All you can focus on is how you live today. And you might have periods of time where it seems really easy and then be faced with times where it is really hard to go without a drink.

Of the alcoholics I know, many of them know that to have one more drink would be killing themselves. It isn't something you get cured from. An alcoholic is always an alcoholic. The difference is you can be in recovery and truly be healthier.

I know your having a rough time Monica, but shoot it's your birthday. So,

justanobserver said:

There aint much more I could add to this - Big Toe is right on and hit it on the head.

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Yep, I agree. Good job BigToe!

I really like the "one day at a time." I find most of the time I stress myself out with worry about what happened in the past or worry about what might happen in the future. When I can stay in the present I don't have nearly so much worry.

Thank you for all your input. I've found several meetings in my area. They are all in the evening though. I have bad childcare problems. Dh and I don't have anyone we can leave our kids with and will not leave them with strangers. Dh is not home enough for me to plan on going to meetings when he can watch them. So, I'm thinking I will have to deal with this without the help of AA meetings for now.

I truly hope that is possible and that I'm not kidding myself. After reading about alcoholism and AA meetings online, I have a whole new perspective. I know, now, that having even one drink is like walking into the road while a semi truck is driving toward me at a high rate of speed. One drink, to me, is like jumping off a cliff. I might survive for a while. But, evidentually (probably much sooner than I realize) it will kill me. My poor kids will be left without the only parent they have right now. I have a strong desire not to do that to them.

Can I do this with God's help but without the AA meetings? Or am I kidding myself?

Hi Monica, Jim here. Did you ask about kids in the meetings? Many A.A. meetings are willing to allow the children, as long as they are not disruptive. I'll bet that if you drop in and talk to folks, someone will offer to sit with them in another room while you attend the meeting. When I began with A.A., my children attended many meetings with me. They were 4 and 2yrs. old. You got'a do what you got'a do! Good luck and stay in touch with folks here.