Hi everybody

[Isaacsname]

Right, ..so I guess right now you're probably wondering what in the dickens I'm talking about.

Because I was very confused also.

I'd like to just state for those of you wondering, ~ I am of sound mind, don't take drugs or alcohol, except occasional cannabis use. I am rational, logical, and perhaps the biggest skeptic I know.

I never had any interest in any of the topics I am discussing with you, previous to February, nor was I aware of these things being involved in my history or family, the birthmarks, my great-uncle, etc.

Forgot to mention I also have as a birthmark, a small round patch of white skin on my right thigh. Somebody mentioned this was thought to be the " mark of Cain ", supposedly mentioned in Revelation 19:16, but since I have never studied the bible or it's stories and history, I don't really know what it means, if anything.

Anyway,...so jumping back to December, a week or so before my housemate left, as a " Joke " he had put some things up around the house, one of which was a giant WWJD XE poster he put together with old kids toy foam mat alphabet set.

But also some candles with paintings of Jesus around the house, and some other things, among them a small wooden owl, an umbrella with a red Templar cross, a small white horse from a children's carousel toy, things of that nature.

And the more I looked around the house at the things that were lying around, the more I noticed they seemed to follow a theme.

777, god and Jesus, 11, etc.

We were both chefs, my ex-housemate and I, incidentally, ~ there was an empty bag of " Royal " brand rice on the wall, complete with a little man wearing a crown and blowing a horn, and the number 777 on it.

~ A book of Rimbaud's poetry , " Illuminations ", another book about a comet hitting Earth, called " Lucifer's Hammer "...

The night I was healed, I was directed to some things that are on my blog under the section titled " My pictures ", ~ an embroidered crown my mother had made on her deathbed for me, some things from my grandfather which are very relevant ( I'll get into that in a post or two )...some other old photographs, the black and white ones of me as a baby in the church, etc.

And everywhere I looked, there were these things that all seemed to say something, every random song I picked on youtube seemed to have lyrics directed at me,...and I truly started to wonder if I was losing my mind.

You would too.

In the field of psychiatry, when a person starts to think that the things they see pertain to them, or consider them as messages and symbols specifically for them, it's called " Confirmation Bias ", basically it's a tendency to interpret things in a way that confirms an already erroneous belief.

I got very upset at all this, what I'm writing about above, because my life had not been the easiest, and had been full of sorrow and anger, and losses, and then to top it off, the same cancer that took my mother, which happened while we were separated. I had stopped talking to her out of anger because she wouldn't tell me who my " mysterious " father was , I didn't find out about her death until almost 2 years after, which was when I tried to call her.

When that happened, I decided I truly hated god, which was silly, because,.. how can you hate something that you don't know ?

I didn't know god...

And how can you hate something you don't even know if you believe in ?

After I got sick, I had begged to die, I had even dared god to kill me. Just to spare me of this miserable existence I had somehow been given.

Again, I found myself asking things from god, in the hope that god existed, in some way or another.

It was a plea to the entire universe.

But anyway, ....in the first week or so after my healing, I began to notice all these things in my house, and all these strange coincidences that kept popping up ( Mind you I hadn't left my house yet )

I couldn't understand how had I flailed my way through life, oblivious to things, lost or gave away everything, got very sick, then out of nowhere, ...had a miracle, only to....

...Lose my mind and develop a messianic complex ?

Why would god do this to me ?

This wasn't fair,... I had prepared to go home, and home was where I wanted to go, with god, whatever god happened to be when all was said and done.

You're probably thinking at this point " Isaac is obviously mentally ill, I will pray for him ".

Don't pray for me yet, because I did something I have never done, after talking to some theological scholars on a certain website. They were kind enough to listen to me explain some things, and they understood that although I was saying that I thought I might be " Jesus ", I didn't want to be " Jesus, I never have, ..and I was scared, and also still confused and in serious disbelief at what was happening to me.

They told me to pray, because even Jesus prayed.

So I got on my knees and prayed my little heart out.

I asked god to show me something that would either let me have some sense of normalcy and relief, or confirm what seemed to obvious, but impossible. " Please god, show me I am not " Jesus ", and show me I'm not crazy, because if ever, right now is when I need some serious help. "

What happened next was something that was hard to believe.

But it only got stranger from there..

 

[Isaacsname]

So after I prayed, asking for a sign, a friend of mine came over, out of the blue, and offered to take me out to lunch.

We went to a small family themed pizza restaurant here in Asheville, just up the road from my house.

Then, as we were sitting outside waiting for food, a woman we both know came up to our table, clearly in some serious emotional distress.

She told us how she had just lost one of her daughters to heroin addiction, not only that, but being a trained mortician, she had prepared her daughter's body for burial, which is something I doubt any of us would have the gumption to do.

It brought a tear to my eye, because I know the sadness that comes from the separation between a mother and her children, only too well.

The, suddenly, a table sitting next to ours, these people started moaning " JESUS....JEEEESUSS "........

I did the only thing I could manage, which was to stand up and hold her in a warm embrace, to give her some comfort, as I would want in the same situation.

We spoke for 10-15 minutes, and then she left, we finished our food, and I returned home to my solitary man-cave.

This was about 3 months ago.

I keep Erin in my thoughts, and pray to god that she may find the will to go on living, through whatever god deems necessary.

------

That was the first time I had ventured from my house after my healing, and also the first time I had actually prayed, with serious intent.

What happened was enough to scare me, so, after retreating home, ..and pondering things for a bit, I decided to ask god again.

And I asked god, time and time again, to show me that I was not losing my mind, and time and time again, whenever I left my house, things like this would happen, mind you, I don't leave my house too often, currently.

Every time something like this would happen, I would try to blow it off, because to accept it would mean something that is seemingly not possible.

The next thing that happened to me was enough to give me great pause for thought, as have all my experiences since February.

I healed a man who was blinded by cataracts, a random man who I spoke with at the bus station one day. He asked to use my phone to call a ride, offered me money for it, I declined, naturally, and we spoke until my bus came.

He was an elderly black man, I remember his face from around town over the years, because I never forget a face, and talking to him revealed a wealth of stories, deep with wisdom.

To most folks he was just an old blind black bum, but to me, he was everything, for he had shared my life, and as I spoke to him, I couldn't help but notice he couldn't see, and I thought it unfair that such an intelligent man could do so much, and live such a full life, only to be blinded at the end.

So, I thought to myself " I would gladly take your blindness on myself, you just don't deserve this, and I deserve it too much "

And when I saw him on the bus a few weeks later, his eyes were healed.

I asked him about it, ...told him his eyes looked very different, and he got very excited and started talking a mile a minute although I couldn't understand everything he was saying ( Because he had no teeth ).

Something happened to him.

I did not tell him about myself and my experiences, or the prayer that I made on his behalf,.. I just smiled.

Things just got stranger from there

 

[drjean]

Hi! Is there something specific you're questioning here, or seeking?

 

[Isaacsname]

Nope

Thanks for at least taking the time to read a small portion of my story.

I see now that this is not the place to tell folks about myself, so I will withdraw.

Good luck !

 

[JPlovesGod7]

Hello Isaac, welcome!