Hey

[syphonx]

I'm so glad that I found this forum. I have been a Christian since I was very young and I asked the Lord into my life. I have struggled with OCD throughout my life and have had many troubles that I thought I was alone in. For instance, I always say the word "quit" because for instance I will say "c'mon guys" well c'mon to me is like a call to accept satan (it is weird i know) so I say "no quit" etc. I'm a germ freak, my mind never stops, I get frustrated because I always have to say that word "no quit" etc. I also have a hard time reading to myself because of the reason above. I never use "I am" in a sentence because I think it is blasphemous. I also have things run through my head, statements, against the Lord that I try not to think about but then I think about them more. I know it is ridiculous, most of it, but I can't get it to stop. I found this forums and have seen others who deal with it too. To see others who deal with the same stuff could be encouraging. I just am constantly worried about saying something that will damn me to hell even though I know it is illogical, I have ticks that I cannot stop. I'm just angry at God right now because I deal with so much in my head that I feel He isn't helping. I'm angry at Him because of that, that I'm not being helped by Him and still deal with this disorder.

Thanks guys, God bless!

 

[marcb]

Hey,

Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on accepting the Lord into your life.

I have been right where you are and could be there again, but this is what I am learning:

The Lord is with us in the midst of this, trust Him. He is merciful. This is the part of our walk where we have to really lean on the awesomeness of God's power. The flip side is we have to really understand that we are not responsible for saving ourselves - that is God's work through Jesus.

Having ocd, we overvalue the importance of and ultimate power of our thoughts (because of fear / anxiety). The problem is when we give our thoughts more power than God's work and message to us through the Gospel. God is infinitely more powerful, gracious, and loving, than ocd circuitry.

I have really made progress by realizing with God's help (and permission) the following:

THIS IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

TICS ARE NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

CHECKING LOCKS, APPLIANCES, ETC IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

FEAR OF GERMS IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

WASHING YOUR HANDS COMPULSIVELY IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

COUNTING, TAPPING, TIMING ARE NOT SPIRITUAL BATTLES.

OCD IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE - IF WE CHOOSE TO MAKE IT ONE, WE WILL FEED IT UNTIL IT BECOMES A GREATER PRIORITY THAN THE TRUTH OF GOD'S MERCY.

I have grown spiritually from this, thanks to God. Spiritual growth can and does occur in adversity.

Staying in God's Word is important, but I found I was using the Bible for "checking" not learning. Try to find a healthy study group with a seasoned leader to help put the Word in context instead of "using" it to feed your OCD. I did this for a long time, wondering why I felt worse after the great assurances.

We are "sealed" with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1). Is ocd capable of breaking this? Ocd is not stronger than God's Spirit, not even comparable.

Last thought:

I think we are all afraid of the devil to various degrees, which makes ocd scary. However, this is like being afraid of the Eagles winning the Superbowl this year: Notgonnahappen: THEY LOST!..... HE LOST! It's over, live in peace.

Marc

P.S. Go see your Doctor, since, after all THIS IS NOT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

 

[syphonx]

thank you for your post, the information, and encouragement. I really appreciate what you have told me, it helps a lot. I have gone to the doctor, I'm on medication for the issue, but the actual tics do not stop, I just have to occupy my mind enough to get away from them. I have a hard time reading because of the tics, even though I'm a great reader when I read aloud.

Thanks again for the encouragement and words of wisdom you have gained from your battle.

God Bless, and thank you!

 

[Boxers1]

Here's another question I have...All of us who battle in our heads specifically with the scrupulosity part of it...If I love the Lord truly in my heart and I know that I do, why must it be so that my mind is drawn like a magnet to the bizarre, blasphemous stuff regarding God (Father, Son, Spirit)...Why is my mind pulled in that direction when my heart loves Jesus...Why does it feel like my mind "wants" to think evil and then as soon as I realize what I'm thinking, I'm appalled. Is there any real answer for this part of OCD?

 

[syphonx]

i wish i knew

 

[marcb]

I wrestle with that too. I think ocd lends itself for our brains to find new ways to "shock" us. In anxious moments, our minds scan for threatening thoughts, and retrieve them.

Not to re-entangle ocd and our faith, but everybody has intrusive thoughts that are sinful and depraved, we just monitor them more closely.

That being said, I think the Christian life is a struggle regardless of ocd, because we see the depth of our shortcomings and sins. However, we also can use this to see and appreciate the magnitude of Grace freely and abundantly given by God through Christ.