He's touching himself - help

[Linnis]

This started about three weeks ago. The first time I noticed was when he hurt himself by examing it while he was taking a shower. I told him not to hurt himself and left it at that. I asked my BIL's GF to get his Dad to speak with him because I think this is an issue maybe another male would understand more than me.

He refuses to speak to him and is trying the, let's ignore it idea.

So about a week ago it just wasn't in the shower but when he goes to the bathroom, in his room, while watching TV and even in the car!

I told him we don't touch our private parts in public, when he asked why I said it was rude.

I asked him if he hurt or something like that and he said no. I do not want to make him feel uncomfortable talking to me BUT I don't want him having his hand in his pants all the time in public either.

Ideas?

Oh yeah, my nephew's 7 years old and in second grade.

 

[andiesmama]

How about getting your hubby to talk to him? I mean, it's natural to do that, but you're right...he can't be going around in public like that!! lol

It's good you're making an effort to talk to him, though...at least SOMEone is! *sigh*

 

[Athene]

I'm kind of suprised that at 7 years old he doesn't know not to do that outside of his bed.

You need to tell him that examining himself is a private thing to do in his own bedroom.

 

[Linnis]

Well I've only had him since he was five. When I first started watching him, he talked but nobody understood him, he had no manners or was taught any way to behave properly. Don't get me wrong he's the sweetest kid, loveable but he was negelected in a lot of ways.

We've come a long way with his talking, manners, emotional state etc

I've noticed it's worse after he's spent time at home with dad, some mornings, he'll be alone while Dad sleeps for 3 hours or more. He reverts right back to the way he was.

I'm afriad he'll hurt himself.

So I should say he's only supposed to do it in the privacy of his own room, when he's alone and leave it at that?

 

[karen freeinchristman]

So I should say he's only supposed to do it in the privacy of his own room, when he's alone and leave it at that?

Yes, I think that is what you should do. Try not to make much of it, just kind of treat it as a matter of fact. I have had to say the same to my son, and it took a couple of reminders, but now (he's 7 now), its fine. It sounds like your nephew has had a bit of a tough time, so needs gentle care.

 

[Katydid]

OK, my husband mentioned something that may be relevant. You said it started in the shower. Well, my husband said he may be getting soap in there when he is in the shower (if he is doing this in the shower), which would cause an irritation that would make him want to "mess with" it.


Otherwise, if that isn't the case, then my husband also said, just make sure to tell him that those things are to be done in his room, alone.

 

[Vilnius]

Normally, at his age, one simply deals with it as a privacy/manners issue. But I noticed once you mentioned he hurt himself while touching it and that you are afraid he will hurt himself again. Typical exploration would not include doing anything that hurts. So, what exactly has he been doing to himself to cause harm?

 

[AlaskanAngels]

Not to be rude but, Is he circumcised? A friend of mine her son was not and it was a cleaning issue?

 

[Linnis]

Thank you Katydid! Give your hubby a huge hug from me, the soap issue was the problem. He said it burns after a shower and I told him to make sure he rinses every nook and crany with lots of water to make sure all the soap is gone and ta da problem solved.

Being a woman I never even thought of the problems of having foreskin! Hehe.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

I just tell my son to not touch private areas in public. If he forgets, I ask if he needs to pee. THat usually reminds him to stop.

 

[VHOLLOWAY]

I AM NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY MY SON WANT THROUGH THAT AT 3 AND I HAD TO STAY ON HIM FINALLY HE CAME TO UNDERTAND IT WAS NOT NICE ALL I CAN SAY IS IT IS GOING TO TAKE TIME

 

[Vilnius]

Thank you Katydid! Give your hubby a huge hug from me, the soap issue was the problem. He said it burns after a shower and I told him to make sure he rinses every nook and crany with lots of water to make sure all the soap is gone and ta da problem solved.

Being a woman I never even thought of the problems of having foreskin! Hehe.

Glad to see a happy ending As he gets older you may want to consider the best Christian book I have found on male sexuality: The Sexual Man, by Dr. Archabald Hart. It is not a "sex ed." book in the traditional sense, but deals with what healthy male sexuality looks like and how it developes (or not). I know all women would find it tremendously informative.

 

[HonorTruth]

This is good news -- that the boy is getting relief. Moms and women would not be expected to know this, but if the boy is uncircumcised, he should not pull the foreskin all the way back at this age -- just enough to clean around the glans. He should not tear the frenulum membrane. Also, some boys are taught to use talcum power in the nether regions to avoid itching and scratching (another good idea), but watch out for power under the foreskin. Itching can produce both irritation and the desire to touch himself for relief. An itch there (or almost anywhere else, for that matter) is pretty hard to ignore. There are more than a few major league baseball players who need a little composure on this score.

A final thought. I agree with Dr. Dobson that boys should be taught to seek Dad's help (or a close male relative) on such matters. It reinforces their male identity and gives the boys a level of comfort and male assistance from someone whith whom they identify as a male role model. The questions and issues are certain to get more sensitive as the boy grows older.

I'm thankful God has put this boy into your life and has put you into his. May God grant you grace, courage, patience, and a sense of humor as you help this young boy grow (all too fast) into a fine and God-honoring young man.

Faithfully,
HonorTruth

 

[Marie D]

Not to be rude but, Is he circumcised? A friend of mine her son was not and it was a cleaning issue?

Could circumcision be a possible solution? Sometimes guys get irritations under their foreskins and they can be too tight. My fiance had to be circumcised because of discomfort, he's very glad it was done.