*A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
*A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
*A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
*A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
*A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Blonde is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day she brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DARN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the blonde says, "What's that noise?"
*Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a
look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage,
"Hey DeBakey! Is dat you?"Come on ova' here a minute."The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,
"So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?" Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
*In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber."I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain, and $1,000 for a female brain."The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,"Why is the male brain so much more?"The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure.We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used!"
*A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
*A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
*A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
*A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Blonde is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day she brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DARN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the blonde says, "What's that noise?"
*Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a
look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage,
"Hey DeBakey! Is dat you?"Come on ova' here a minute."The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,
"So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?" Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
*In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber."I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain, and $1,000 for a female brain."The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,"Why is the male brain so much more?"The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure.We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used!"
