This is my first post to any website anywhere, but I'm really struggling right now and could use some advice/guidance/prayers and found this site.
Here's my story.
I have been with my current girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 years. We have known each other since we were kids and both grew up in Christian homes. We had crushes on each other as teenagers but never dated. We got together when we were both 28 years old. We lived in different states so we did the long distance thing for 2 years and now I recently moved to her state - did not move in together. While being long distance things were pretty good. We would see each other every 3-4 weeks and spend the weekend together. It was like a vacation. There was always one topic that we seemed to avoid though and that was sex.
We had a very physical relationship, but stopped short of "sex" in a literal sense - but many would call what we did sex anyways. We slept in the same bed, since, well, we were staying at each other's places anyways. I have crossed some boundaries with her that I hadn't crossed in the past. I had the sense she had crossed them before and recently my suspicions were confirmed.
We had a discussion and I finally asked her point blank about her sexual past. While tame by society standards, it was significantly more "experienced" than mine. She has had sex with a few people and been intimate, many would call this sex too, with several more. Like I said, I made it to 28 without crossing many of these lines, she made it to 18.
I am having a really, really hard time with this. I became physically ill when I heard these things. I knew our college years were quite different, and she has always been a flirt, but I guess I wanted to think she had held up under pressure the same way I had. I am a virgin even at age 30 now and was waiting til marriage. She was not. In fact I'm her first christian boyfriend.
The relationship almost ended that night, I sent her a nasty email including things about other aspects of the relationship, and it was pretty much over, but in the end I do love her and she loves me, so we have been putting things back together, but still haven't returned to the topic that started it all.
I realize that I need to talk to her about this further and that I should forgive her and that her past does not predict the future or even what she believes now, but it is just killing me. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I even went to see a counselor and I'm hoping he can help. I think this is likely a common problem, but when you combine the male insecurity with the major question of shared values, it makes it doubly hard to deal with. I have been praying constantly that God would give me clarity on this and that he would let me forgive her, but it is tough.
If anybody has been in a similar situation or could provide some insight it would be appreciated. I would think this may be a common situation that christians find themselves in -i.e. differing sexual histories. She is a Christian and does love God. I know we need to talk more, but it really is going to come down to if I can get past this. Thanks.
Here's my story.
I have been with my current girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 years. We have known each other since we were kids and both grew up in Christian homes. We had crushes on each other as teenagers but never dated. We got together when we were both 28 years old. We lived in different states so we did the long distance thing for 2 years and now I recently moved to her state - did not move in together. While being long distance things were pretty good. We would see each other every 3-4 weeks and spend the weekend together. It was like a vacation. There was always one topic that we seemed to avoid though and that was sex.
We had a very physical relationship, but stopped short of "sex" in a literal sense - but many would call what we did sex anyways. We slept in the same bed, since, well, we were staying at each other's places anyways. I have crossed some boundaries with her that I hadn't crossed in the past. I had the sense she had crossed them before and recently my suspicions were confirmed.
We had a discussion and I finally asked her point blank about her sexual past. While tame by society standards, it was significantly more "experienced" than mine. She has had sex with a few people and been intimate, many would call this sex too, with several more. Like I said, I made it to 28 without crossing many of these lines, she made it to 18.
I am having a really, really hard time with this. I became physically ill when I heard these things. I knew our college years were quite different, and she has always been a flirt, but I guess I wanted to think she had held up under pressure the same way I had. I am a virgin even at age 30 now and was waiting til marriage. She was not. In fact I'm her first christian boyfriend.
The relationship almost ended that night, I sent her a nasty email including things about other aspects of the relationship, and it was pretty much over, but in the end I do love her and she loves me, so we have been putting things back together, but still haven't returned to the topic that started it all.
I realize that I need to talk to her about this further and that I should forgive her and that her past does not predict the future or even what she believes now, but it is just killing me. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I even went to see a counselor and I'm hoping he can help. I think this is likely a common problem, but when you combine the male insecurity with the major question of shared values, it makes it doubly hard to deal with. I have been praying constantly that God would give me clarity on this and that he would let me forgive her, but it is tough.
If anybody has been in a similar situation or could provide some insight it would be appreciated. I would think this may be a common situation that christians find themselves in -i.e. differing sexual histories. She is a Christian and does love God. I know we need to talk more, but it really is going to come down to if I can get past this. Thanks.
