Her name is Alyssa.

[Phlame]

A while back, sometime in May 06' I started hanging out with a girl, Katie. We have known each other for a long time but we just started hanging out at that time. I liked her a short time after that and she liked me. However, she had a best friend named Alyssa. After hanging out with the two for a month or so, I decided to ask Alyssa out. She said yes. For the next month, we had the best relationship, until we broke up after I had lied to her about smoking.

Anyways, after we broke up, we became the BEST of friends. I mean, there is no possible way for us to be better friends. She finished my sentences, I ran up a $400 -some dollar phone bill talking to her, and we hung out all the time. I, still had feelings for her, and likewise. When we would walk alone, we would lay under the stars and kiss and the whole deal. Then, in September, when school started back up, we hung out a LOT less. I saw her maybe twice since September, out of school that is. But, I continued to talk to her for 3-4 hours a day.

Now, Alyssa went out with this kid Aaron shortly after we had broken up. I am totally opposite of him. She for some reason saw something in him. But, to tell you the truth, I felt bad for him. I was mad at myself. I had told Alyssa to sneak out one night and meet me in "our spot." We held hands and talked and layed together and kissed. She never talked about him at all. They broke up after about a month. At the beginning of the new year, she tells me that she is in love with him, and she has no idea why. I believe her, if she did know, she would tell me. I don't think there is one thing we have ever kept from each other.

She started talking about him all the time. Even though Aaron had a girlfriend, she tried to talk to him. He treated her like dirt, and still does to this day. According to her, she is over him now, go figure.

Now, I am confused on some things. I'll break it down, and hopefully my questions will be answered.

One night, we got on the topic of sex, and we always joke around with eachother about everything. She said something along the lines of "Ahh....it's so hot right now" and I replied with "your mother is hot." to joke around. Now I never expected what was coming next. We some how got on topic of how she wanted to have sex with me, but is too self concious. I can usually tell by her voice if she is being serious or not, and she asked me to get her information about it, and how to be safe. I was totally shocked by this. I had no idea.

For the next month or so, she would tell me how much she wanted to come see me and go to "our spot" and such. But, at the end of February, it got different. She told me she was "kidding" about all of it and played it off as a joke. She told me she did "like me" though.

Here is where it gets a little beyond my reach, and I need some help from you guys. Alyssa is always talking about other guys, but claims she doesn't like them. She gets mad at me if I have to get a shower or whatever, but gets mad it me if I refuse to let her off the phone when she has to do something. She has me wipped. If I don't do something, she gets mad at me. She makes fun of me constantly.

I get jealous. REAL jealous. I honestly think I am in love with her, but am not sure. In almost everything I do, I relate to something that happened with us in my mind, and think about her constantly. I dream about her and everything. She has been the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

I had the opportunity of getting back together with her, but I am scared. Scared to lose our friendship. Scared to get made fun of. Scared to make the commitment. Scared she will say "no." I know it shouldn't matter, but for some reason it does to me.

The time has come for me to make the HARDEST decision of my life.

Should I let her go?

I fear being lonely.
I fear never sharing those best times we shared ever again.
I fear boredom, not talking to her 4 hours a day.
I fear she will move on, but I will not.
I fear I wont love anyone again.

(Teenage years stink!)

I honestly do love her.
She listens.
Knows all about me.
Is fun.
Has been a true inspiration.


However,

Leads me on.
Puts me down.
Acts weird. (See Below)
Has complete control.




She knows, I am the only person that will listen to her, and help her with her problems. She talks to me more than anyone else daily. We have the longest and most memorable friendship. However, I fear she takes it for granted. I am not on her top friends on myspace. She tells me she likes me, and then hangs out with everyone BUT me. When we get in a fight, and she tells me she doesn't ever want to talk to me again, I try and try to get her forgiveness. When I tell her the same thing, she doesn't seem to care.


As you can see, I am really confused. Point me in the right direction.

 

[Reborn_in_Christ]

Fearing a lose. I can completely sympathize with you. A few years ago, before I went to college I was engaged to a wonderful woman. We had been good friends before we started dating and like you and your friend Alyssa, spent almost every waking moment together. Then college hit and we had to go to different schools. As you might guess, the distance did nothing good for the relationship and she dropped me quite shortly after the start of college. Not too long after that (a matter of weeks) she was involved with another guy. She and I had continued to keep in contact after the breakup and naturally I became insanely jealous of this new guy.

Looking back I realize that she had complete control over our relationship and I was for all intents and purposes "whipped".

"When we get in a fight, and she tells me she doesn't ever want to talk to me again, I try and try to get her forgiveness. When I tell her the same thing, she doesn't seem to care."

This caught my attention. You are obviously trying your best to put as much effort as you can into this friendship and (it would seem) she doesn't seem to be appreciative of your efforts at all.

Although I don't think this will be the hardest decision of your life, I will give it to you that it is a very hard one to make; whether to let her go or continue to hold out hope. As much as it pains me to say this, because I hate giving bad news... I think you're going to have to end this one.

Believe me when I say that I feel for you man. You will most likely feel lonely as well as miss terribly those great times you've had with her. From what you've said, it would seem that she's already moved on to an extent, which leaves you feeling left in the dust. If you do decide to lay this one to rest, count it as a blessing. Remember that God works all things out for our own good. So somehow through all the pain, God is shaping you into a more perfect person.

I once feared as you do that you'll never love again. Maybe it's not so much that you're afraid you won't and more that you just can't see yourself loving anyone else. If so, that's completely understandable. I still beleive that if my ex-fiance and I were still together these years that I would have loved her all the same. But I'll never know and that's something I've come to grips with.

Some say that time heals all wounds. And though I agree with this, I was told something else that should be added to that statement. "It's what you do with that time that heals you". Years could pass and nothing change in your mind if you stay in the same mindset about it all.

Ya I know this all paints a rather dismal picture but you seem quite distressed about all this, I don't blame you. I hope some part of what I said has helped, even if only alittle.

Please, if you feel like there are still more questions than answers, do... not... hesitate to send a PM my way and I'll try my best to be there for you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

God Bless!

 

[Onlythingavailable]

You have a very weird relationship with her. You don't spend hours on the phone every day with a friend, it seems like you are somewhere between being involved and a friendship. You still have feelings for her, so that explains why you are keeping up with it, but why is she continuing with it? Maybe because she likes you but is afraid, maybe because you are a "safe bet", she knows how you feel and can keep you around to make her feel better and safe and so on.

I'm no expert, but I suggest you demand a straight answer out of her. Sure, you can go on as you are and hope that maybe one day she will tell you she loves you, but that's a very large maybe. I don't think being this dependent on someone is good for you.

Pray to God for guidance. He knows what to do.

 

[Phlame]

Also, she really has no one for her. Her parents constantly fight, her dad beats her, her mother cheats on her father, and they won't let her get an appartment yet. She gets so upset about it and I am really the only one she has to talk to it about.

If I cutoff the friendship, she will have no one. Im afraid of what she will do.

 

[Reborn_in_Christ]

Do you think it's possible for you to be friends with her without feelings of wanting more?

If her dad is beating her then I think she might have bigger problems than just those between you two. I would strongly advice against remaining in a situation for someone else's sake. The last thing you would want would be to feel trapped.

Is Alyssa a christian? If so, does she have a church she could find help through?