Helping Someone

[Jacob4Jesus]

Okay, I feel pretty bad right now for neglecting to help someone today. Perhaps I should tell why I feel bad.

Almost three years ago, when I was a pagan, I had an experience that lasted for about 6 months that made me decide to switch to Christianity. The first experience involved my car's transmission failing and two guys going WAY out of their way to help me that night. There's more to the story than that, but that's all that needs to be told for this subject.

Well, I always told myself I would always try to help people on the side of the road if they need help. I never really got a chance until about two months ago. These guys ran out of gas on the side of the road and I gave them a ride. Well, they were both drunk, rude and just totally grated on my nerves. I had half a mind to leave them at the gas station, but decided that wouldn't be right. I tried to help them and I would stick through with it. They kept telling me how to drive, telling me I should let them drive, they grabbed my food I had been eating and ate it. They were yelling and just being totally unpleasant. I was never happier than when I dropped them off.

Well, on the way home today, there were four teenagers working on their car on the side of the road. I wanted to stop and help them, but I didn't. I am not sure why I didn't, but I suspect it may have something to do with that experience of mine. Now I feel terrible about it.

I am just curious as to what you would do in my place. I feel that I should have stopped and helped, because I know that I could. I think I was wrong for not helping out. What does anyone else think?

 

[Toboe]

I would have kept on driving don't feel bad.

 

[Jetgirl]

Well, I always told myself I would always try to help people on the side of the road if they need help.

Good thought, but pretty darn dangerous, if you ask me.

I will absolutely never pick up hitchikers and be extremely cautious of people who pull over to "help" if I'm on the side of the road lately.

We had a rapist in my city who preyed on women by offering them rides when their cars were broken down.

 

[praying]

I think being burned makes it difficult to expose yourself to the exact same thing again. Perhaps if the situation was different you might not have felt that way and you would have helped.

I also think that it is risky business helping people on the side of the road. The best help, call the police tell them the location and let them handle it. I, and this being dirven by the fact that I am a woman, would not stop to help someone on the road unless it was a life threatening situation.

 

[Freodin]

Helping others is a good intent.

Yes, it can be dangerous. Yes, it can be unrewarding. Yes, it can lead into situtation you would better not be in.

But you have to remember that when you help, you are not helping some unspecified "others" - you are helping individuals. And the teenagers at the roadside are not responsible for the drunks bad behaviour, nor should the old man be shunned because some other man raped.

Every person in need should be helped. Help with care, help with caution - but help.

But now consider: whom are you helping with feeling bad about not having helped the teenagers now. You are not helping them, you are not helping the next person in need.

Don´t bother with past situations... just prepare for the next.

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

Everyone has made some really good points and I appreciate it. Yeah, I definitely acknowledge the danger of helping people on the side of the road. I know all it takes is that one mistake and there would be no more Jake. But I do try to approach such situations with caution.

I am pretty sure the teenagers didn't pose any threat. Three of them were pretty small girls and one pretty dorky looking guy. Plus, they were close to a pretty busy intersection so it would have been a little safer for me.

But that being said, I will try not to feel bad about it. More than likely, they will have gotten help from another source. But I do like Freodin's suggestion of not feeling bad and moving forward to the next situation. THank you all for your thoughts.

 

[gwenmead]

As a woman I refuse to stop and help people on the side of the road. The reason being that while most people are probably just fine and normal, there are enough psychos out there that I just don't want to run the risk of getting killed or something. (I also don't pick up hitchhikers for this same reason.)

However, there are other ways of helping. If I see someone on the side of the road, I can call 911 on my cel phone. Most of the time, though, I really don't worry about stuff like this that much. People are pretty resourceful on their own, and I'm more concerned about my personal safety. So unless it's an obvious, genuine emergency (someone's car is on fire and they're trapped in it, for instance), I'm totally heartless and just pass on by.

I suppose I figure that there are lots of ways to help people, and you can't help everybody in every situation all the time. So you just do what you feel you can do, and otherwise don't worry about it.

For some reason this reminds me of some advice I was given the last time I took a class on CPR. One of the things the instructor told us was the circumstances under which we could stop giving someone CPR. He said that you can stop CPR if someone else comes in to take over, either medical personnel or else someone else who just knows CPR. But he also said you can stop if you just can't do it anymore, if you get worn out and exhausted or something happens where you just can't. The reasoning there is that you tried, and did it as long as you could, and the Good Samaritan law in our state would protect you from accusations of negligence or whatever if the person died.

That's a pretty extreme example, but I suppose the message is: sometimes you just can't help, for whatever reason. Learn and move on, and don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[xAtheistx]

Good thought, but pretty darn dangerous, if you ask me.

I will absolutely never pick up hitchikers and be extremely cautious of people who pull over to "help" if I'm on the side of the road lately.

We had a rapist in my city who preyed on women by offering them rides when their cars were broken down.

You're a 24 year old woman, you have reason to worry about these things.
Being a 30 year old man, he really doesn't (at least from one male and three female teenagers).

I remember a while back... I was on vacation with a friend (who I'm not longer great friends with), thousands of miles from where I live... and our car's battery died (in a small city). We looked for a dealer, but there wasn't one for miles... a nice guy (complete stranger) gave us a jumpstart and we got the situation taken care of... but if he wasn't there to help us, we'd have been stuck there for a while.

But yeah, the guys you picked up earlier were asses.

"Good Samaritan law" Heh... funny thing is, this is exactly what I thought of when I first saw this thread... I was going leave a post saying just those three words, but I figured that'd be rude, and unhelpful.

 

[loriersea]

I had two deaf women come into the store I work in today, and they didn't read lips and wanted a sign language dictionary. We didn't have one in the store, and I was very tempted to drive them to a bookstore that is nearby because I was closing up in fifteen minutes, but I didn't. I felt awful about it, because I think they were being honest, but we've had so many incidents since we moved here where someone who seemed like they were being incredibly sincere and honest ended up lying to us, stealing from us, or ripping us off that I could not help but think they were just trying to get me to help them so they could somehow scam me.

I feel terrible that I feel that way, because I have NEVER been that kind of person before. In the past, I've had no problem helping people on the side of the road or giving rides to people who looked like they needed one, but given the things that have happened to us in the last five months, I am now extremely cautious about who I trust, and I don't trust ANYONE I don't know. Honestly, I now tend to assume that people I don't know are out to scam me or steal from me, and I just don't trust them until they prove themselves to be trust worthy. But, like I said, we've had bad experiences. We had a person who offered to help us move our stuff when we were move steal some of our things, a person who hit us and promised us he had insurance at home so we really, really didn't need to call the police leave us with a fake phone number and address, and two kids who said they wanted directions from my husband rob him at gunpoint. I'm actually really struggling right now with how much distrust and bitterness I feel towards other people, and I HATE not being able to trust, but I also feel like I need to put my safety and my family's safety first and so I have to assume that people are not being honest.

Which is a long way of saying, I would have done the same thing you did, and I also would have struggled with feeling bad about it.

 

[justanobserver]

Only a suggestion but if you aint comfortable in stopping, you can always go to the nearest phone booth, call the cops and tell them someone is broken down/got a problem/etc. That way you did do something and you can let the authorities deal with it.

 

[katautumn]

I'm with Gwenmead on this one. As a woman, I don't ever stop to assist people on the side of the road. If it looks bad, then I may use my cell phone and call the local police department dispatch and ask them to send out an officer to assist them. Sadly, some people even use women and children to lure good samaritans to the side of the road. You never can tell. I know you had a good experience with people helping you when you needed it and you also had a bad experience helping others. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Your heart was in the right place