Helping a depressed SO

[donnyj87]

Hello, I have been dating a girl whom I believe is very intelligent and attractive, but she is unfortunately an ardent atheist and scoffs at the concept of going to church or praying.

Now, some people might think how we can even be together, but we more or less knew each other for a bit and eventually decided to look past our differences in beliefs, but lately she has been growing more and more depressed about 'life in general' according to her because she believes that there is no purpose or reason to be alive.

I have tried to talk to her about God and tried convincing her to go out with me to events, but she refuses and just wants to stay inside and only go out to work. It is very frustrating to me how I am unable to get her to respond to any of my attempts to cheer her up and how she is unwilling to change her mind about religion.

Have any of you gone through something similar i.e. gf or bf going through depression and losing faith in the process? (In this case, she had no faith, but there have been times where I have questioned my own religion and I can imagine that maybe she feels the same way I did back then).

 

[Windmill]

Wait donny, are you actually married?

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

As someone who struggles with mental health issues, I can appropriately respond to your title of this topic: How to help a depressed SO.

In short: You don't. They must choose to help themselves.

In long: You can "help" by simply loving her unconditionally and supporting her in her endeavors. Suggest gently things you could do together or things that might make her cheerful but if she refuses, try not to push. Put religion on the back burner and do not attempt to persuade her into church or organized religion, trust me you aren't helping her.

If you persist in attempting to "cheer her up" by forcing things on her, it will only make the situation worse. At the end of the day, you cannot truly "help" her at all. She must choose to seek help for her ailments and all you can do is be a supportive and loving person, unconditionally kind and compassionate. Do not be angry with her for her depression, try not to have a short fuse, because being with someone who has a mental illness is not an easy road. You will always have to be patient.

Namaste <3

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

This is like her going to a forum and complaining about your unwillingness to change your mind about your religion.

If she's depressed, and it isn't clinical, she needs meaning in her life. Religion won't give her that. Productive and creative work that fulfills a purpose, will.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

This is like her going to a forum and complaining about your unwillingness to change your mind about your religion.

If she's depressed, and it isn't clinical, she needs meaning in her life. Religion won't give her that. Productive and creative work that fulfills a purpose, will.

Actually, a relationship with God does give you a meaning in life; it's to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

To the OP-have I ever experienced anything like your situation before? Yes. It's called disobedience and sin. If you choose to disobey what the Bible teaches you about relationships then you will have heaps of pain and trouble. You don't "look past" things like not being a Christian. It seems so ridiculous when we read in the old testament about how the Israelites kept making the same stupid mistakes just after seeing his miracles, but "Christians" keep on doing the same things today over and over. Read the book.

 

[The Nihilist]

It seems so ridiculous when we read in the old testament about how the Israelites kept making the same stupid mistakes just after seeing his miracles, but "Christians" keep on doing the same things today over and over. Read the book.

I'm sure that if we actually had miracles, we'd be much more willing to take the bible at its word. as it stands, we only have books that say there were miracles.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm sure that if we actually had miracles, we'd be much more willing to take the bible at its word. as it stands, we only have books that say there were miracles.

There still are miracles being performed in Jesus' name, but they will never be enough for some people. Jesus performed miraculous healings which only angered the religious leaders and made them want to find a quick way to kill him so that more people would not believe in him.

 

[gzt]

If she found Jesus, she may very well still be depressed. Being with you won't help her depression, either. Look, mate, if it's depression, it's depression. There is treatment for depression, but neither you nor Jesus are likely that treatment.

 

[The Nihilist]

There still are miracles being performed in Jesus' name, but they will never be enough for some people. Jesus performed miraculous healings which only angered the religious leaders and made them want to find a quick way to kill him so that more people would not believe in him.

I disagree with the point you're making, but I think we've drawn enough attention from the matter at hand. So, you know. Truce.

Donny, I don't know what to tell you. If she needs hugs, give her hugs. If she doesn't, give her space. If she's actually depressed by life itself, maybe she needs help. If something else is making her depressed about life, then she just needs to work through it. Is there anything else big going on? Is she anxious about anything else? I don't know, man, you're the one to make the call. And if you need to, don't be afraid to bail.

 

[LovesToBless]

How about if Donny decides whether he's married and posting about marriage problems in the marriage part of the forum or single and posting in courting couples? Here he says he's dating...there he says he's married.

Have a look for yourself...he's posted in both places.

 

[The Nihilist]

How about if Donny decides whether he's married and posting about marriage problems in the marriage part of the forum or single and posting in courting couples? Here he says he's dating...there he says he's married.

Have a look for yourself...he's posted in both places.

Maybe Donny wants more than one discussion on the subject, and he'll weigh the outcomes appropriately? Either way, it's his business.

 

[LovesToBless]

Maybe Donny wants more than one discussion on the subject, and he'll weigh the outcomes appropriately? Either way, it's his business.

Huh? Dating and married at the same time? I hope not.

I just want those who are replying in good faith to know what's up...that's why I posted this, since I think he's getting sincere responses in both threads.

 

[The Nihilist]

Huh? Dating and married at the same time? I hope not.

Maybe it's insinuating, judgmental comments like this one that make him not want to trust the whole internet with the intimate details of his personal life.

 

[LovesToBless]

Maybe it's insinuating, judgmental comments like this one that make him not want to trust the whole internet with the intimate details of his personal life.

How am I insinuating anything at all? I am only going by his own words and stating what he himself claims about himself.

He posted here ...the opening post...and said he is dating. He posted in the marriage forum (in a thread he started before this one) and said he is newly married and has a question about his relationship with his wife. Those are his own words, not mine.

And...he posted both posts on the same day.

I'm frankly concerned about all those people in both threads trying to help him. He's telling 2 groups of people 2 completely opposite stories.

 

[The Nihilist]

How am I insinuating anything at all? I am only going by his own words and stating what he himself claims about himself.

He posted here ...the opening post...and said he is dating. He posted in the marriage forum (in a thread he started before this one) and said he is newly married and has a question about his relationship with his wife. Those are his own words, not mine.

And...he posted both posts on the same day.

I'm frankly concerned about all those people in both threads trying to help him. He's telling 2 groups of people 2 completely opposite stories.

Really? You think they're going to cry their eyes out because a man on the internet wasn't exactly who he said he was? Whatever the truth is, the man is hurting, so leave him be.

 

[DCHSKNIGHT]

Hey boy!

Listen up and Listen up good.

Be strong, no matter the faith no matter the belief, stand Strong. do not give her an inch of lean-way. If you Believe in Jesus Christ as your God and Savior, then go to church, with or with out her. Live your life as a shining example and she will want what you have, eventually. If not...

Then here is the hardest thing you must do. For Christ says to not be equally yoked with an unbeliever. Get rid of her. You aint doing her any favors by being an example if she wont listen or accept. Christ also says do not cast your pearls before swine,(not saying she is a pig) don't give the great and powerful gift of salvation to someone who is just gonna trample it and cheapen it. She is not worth it.

If she loves you. She would endure and go. Lets say for example i loved a girl who was muslim. Say I really felt that Christ had me to be with her and some how he would reveal himself to her. I would go with her to Mosque even though i disagree with it and would problably not be welcome.

Because here is the thing. Love covers a mulittude of sins. Love Conqures all. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe. Atheists lead a very loveless and unloving life and they are missing out. If you are loving her and giving her you heart and she wont return hers. She does not love you.

If you are sleeping with her and that is all there is between you two... you live in fantasy world and there is no love between you two. And in that case you should get out of that relationship and learn what true love is. I am not gonna get preachy on sex before marriage. But Sex with out commitment and a plan for more then jsut sex is selfish and stupid. Love is more then just sex.

So in simple terms. If she wont go with you, she does not love you. Love would dictate, that she endure what you want and go with you. Stand your ground and do not comprimise. (HINT Woman love a man who does that. They dont want weak men or passive men.) Be a man and follow through and do what you need to do. If she wont come along, drop her. Lastly, give her the same respect that i am telling you to demand out of her. all of this only works if you love and respect her too.

 

[Windmill]

Really? You think they're going to cry their eyes out because a man on the internet wasn't exactly who he said he was? Whatever the truth is, the man is hurting, so leave him be.

Actually, the advice could differ quite sharply depending on whether he was or was not married AND dating. I was about to offer him advice which, when I saw he was married, was suddenly nullified.

 

[The Nihilist]

Actually, the advice could differ quite sharply depending on whether he was or was not married AND dating. I was about to offer him advice which, when I saw he was married, was suddenly nullified.

Well, he might be married. In any case, let's answer him here like he's not, and if you play in the marriage forum, answer him there like he is. Maybe he wants to see how this should be handled under different circumstances by members of the forum, and maybe that plays into a decision as to whether or not he should marry this girl, I don't know.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Whether is he married or not, this is something she is going to have to decide to fight. If she is not willing to get up and get out to fight it, there isn't much you can do, except hospitalize her if it gets really bad. Hopefully she is getting the depression addressed by medical professionals. I went through depression (and also being an athiest) when I was in my late teens and I'm not sure anyone could help me get out of it other than myself. No one could make me get out of bed, no one could make me go out, no one could make me exercise, no one could make me take anything any doctors said seriously, etc, except myself. I did have people who did not give up on me and put up with a lot of crap, though. One was a Christian friend who talked to me about God a lot. I'm pretty sure had that person and others not stuck around and been patient with me, I wouldn't have decided to fight the depression and instead would have given up.

You can encourage her to get up and help herself and that will be helpful, but being critical of her if she doesn't do it will NOT help. Not saying that you're doing that -- just giving a warning.

 

[anewday]

This may be a little off the topic, but I applaud him for sticking with someone who is depressed, no matter why she is. One of my ex's broke up with me because I was depressed and he didn't know what else to do. Actually, I applaud anyone who sticks with someone with mental issues. I have yet to find that special someone. I just hope his gf or wife finds Jesus.