I was on google today and I read an article on some website that says OCD is not really a mental illness or the result of brain imbalances but is really spiritual bondage, which means you are being attacked by an evil spirit. I don't like this at all. I like to think that this is a real disorder that is caused by my brain being messed up. What does everyone else think?
I am currently taking citalopram which is like celexa and it hasn't been helping me at all. I've been on it for about a year now. At first, it was just for the depression but recently I've had my OCD come back full force. I've recovered from this once and my last episode was about 4 years ago, but it's just as bad the second time around. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to go through what I did again, but here I am just as hopeless and afraid as the first time. I deal with intrusive thoughts and not really any compulsions besides mentally trying to get the thoughts to go away. As embarassing as it is, my thoughts are sexual most of the time. It disgusts me. How could God forgive me? How could he love someone like me? I just don't understand. Especially when those thoughts have been about God, Jesus, the devil, etc. I know it's horrible. I want God to save me and heal me so much but I'm afraid to even go to my church (which I love). I feel like I don't deserve to enter such a place. It's so frustrating that nobody can see that I'm sick from the outside. How do you explain this type of thing to someone that does not have it? It's impossible. My mom tries to understand but she's dealt with mental illness herself and can only take in so much. I'm so afraid that I'll never get over this like the last time. What if I am really being attacked by an evil spirit? Then what do I do? I just don't understand how God could let me deal with this again. Why me???? I'm away at college so I'm not even around my family. It's so stressful here which just makes the OCD worse. I guess I'm just looking for anyone who has dealt with this type of OCD before.... I'm getting so tired of fighting, it's exhausting. I wouldn't commit suicide just because I think it's so selfish and I can't imagine what it would do to my family but I don't know how much more I can keep fighting. I feel so disgusting. Any prayers or replies would be much appreicated. Right now this is the only place I can go to hope that someone might understand.
I am currently taking citalopram which is like celexa and it hasn't been helping me at all. I've been on it for about a year now. At first, it was just for the depression but recently I've had my OCD come back full force. I've recovered from this once and my last episode was about 4 years ago, but it's just as bad the second time around. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to go through what I did again, but here I am just as hopeless and afraid as the first time. I deal with intrusive thoughts and not really any compulsions besides mentally trying to get the thoughts to go away. As embarassing as it is, my thoughts are sexual most of the time. It disgusts me. How could God forgive me? How could he love someone like me? I just don't understand. Especially when those thoughts have been about God, Jesus, the devil, etc. I know it's horrible. I want God to save me and heal me so much but I'm afraid to even go to my church (which I love). I feel like I don't deserve to enter such a place. It's so frustrating that nobody can see that I'm sick from the outside. How do you explain this type of thing to someone that does not have it? It's impossible. My mom tries to understand but she's dealt with mental illness herself and can only take in so much. I'm so afraid that I'll never get over this like the last time. What if I am really being attacked by an evil spirit? Then what do I do? I just don't understand how God could let me deal with this again. Why me???? I'm away at college so I'm not even around my family. It's so stressful here which just makes the OCD worse. I guess I'm just looking for anyone who has dealt with this type of OCD before.... I'm getting so tired of fighting, it's exhausting. I wouldn't commit suicide just because I think it's so selfish and I can't imagine what it would do to my family but I don't know how much more I can keep fighting. I feel so disgusting. Any prayers or replies would be much appreicated. Right now this is the only place I can go to hope that someone might understand.