My boyfriend and I are both 21 years old and have been together for three years. He was born and raised Christian his whole life. He was raised by a strict family and a pretty good kid. When he and I met we instantly fell in love and about a year after we met I had to move cities for school. We couldnt take being a part so he left his house and moved with me. His parents and his church were devastated and he was shunned as the bad one. He visited them every weekend but they were still hurt by his decision. We lived separately at first but then we moved back to our home town and moved in with my family. When we started to live together things in the relationship got bad. We both started arguing a lot and stopped going to church. He has changed into this whole other person that I never even knew was capable of being. He is violent and angry all the time. He has stolen and gone to court. He is bored and says he just want to have fun. I finally realized that the relationship and us as people were unhealthy and dangerous. Now Im trying to change and fix the relationship but he doesnt want to do anything. He has given up hope one everything. Sometimes we are talking and he says he feels lost and bored with his life. Sometimes he gets really mad and says he just wants to be by himself and so that he can do nothing. I am trying to help him in anyway I can but I know its up to him if he wants to change. Every time we make progress, he gives up and just wants to run away. I eventually made up with his parents hoping that he can see everyone has forgiven him. It is really hard to share this personal information, especially online but I really need help and Im embarrassed to do so in person.
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- Thread starter christyn1208
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What you need is God in your lives. You immediately saw the correlation between how he was with God and how he became without God.
It is good to love but one should remember that God must be the top being in our lives to love and then comes spouse and children and parents.
I know you are trying to help him even though he changed for the worse but I tell you that if he wants to feel passion for life again he needs God in his life.
You pray for yourself and him and start having a more personal relationship with Father. Ask and you shall receive. Even children don't get their food till they ask. So ask and hear God. Read bible so He can speak through it to you. Seek counsel of Godly people so He can use them as well to speak to you. But you must have the personal relationship with Him yourself to know you are going in the right path.
As for your boyfriend I will tell you now that living together before marriage by itself might not be bad but when sex comes into play before you both are committed to each other through out life, you are going in the wrong path.
People upon hearing that he is violent n has gone to jail and stuff will say that you must break up period. If it is in will of God then you must do so for both your sakes. But every relationship is unique and to find out what you must do for your relationship, you must grow your personal relationship with God and hear the best path in your life.
And you must remember one thing - people might change but as much as you can influence them, you do not have the power to go in their hearts and change them. The change comes from themselves and God who has the power to change people's hearts. So pray, pray, pray.
It is good for you to seek counsel of other people for your relationship or other problems because God can use others to guide you well. But be sure to seek counsels from Godly people so you can trust in the words. Feel free to pray in the words in your prayer with God too to see if it is really from God. I would highly suggest you go ti the pastor in church and seek help. But you can also know other godly people by the way they are (not all church goers are Godly people but Godly people can be found lot more in church).
I will keep you in my prayers. Be sure to tell how it goes.
Bless you
Sent from my iPod touch using CF
It is good to love but one should remember that God must be the top being in our lives to love and then comes spouse and children and parents.
I know you are trying to help him even though he changed for the worse but I tell you that if he wants to feel passion for life again he needs God in his life.
You pray for yourself and him and start having a more personal relationship with Father. Ask and you shall receive. Even children don't get their food till they ask. So ask and hear God. Read bible so He can speak through it to you. Seek counsel of Godly people so He can use them as well to speak to you. But you must have the personal relationship with Him yourself to know you are going in the right path.
As for your boyfriend I will tell you now that living together before marriage by itself might not be bad but when sex comes into play before you both are committed to each other through out life, you are going in the wrong path.
People upon hearing that he is violent n has gone to jail and stuff will say that you must break up period. If it is in will of God then you must do so for both your sakes. But every relationship is unique and to find out what you must do for your relationship, you must grow your personal relationship with God and hear the best path in your life.
And you must remember one thing - people might change but as much as you can influence them, you do not have the power to go in their hearts and change them. The change comes from themselves and God who has the power to change people's hearts. So pray, pray, pray.
It is good for you to seek counsel of other people for your relationship or other problems because God can use others to guide you well. But be sure to seek counsels from Godly people so you can trust in the words. Feel free to pray in the words in your prayer with God too to see if it is really from God. I would highly suggest you go ti the pastor in church and seek help. But you can also know other godly people by the way they are (not all church goers are Godly people but Godly people can be found lot more in church).
I will keep you in my prayers. Be sure to tell how it goes.
Bless you
Sent from my iPod touch using CF
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Thank you so much for your response!
When we first decided to live together. We knew in our hearts that we weren't going to be with anyone else. We made our own little commitment and it helped put a little peace in our hearts even though we knew what we were doing was wrong.
I pray every night and I am trying to build my relationship with God. I pray for him to help guide my boyfriend. But I know that it is no help because my boyfriend's heart is closed right now.
I tried taking him to church. He agreed that he felt like it was missing in his life. We went a couple times and he would feel better for like a day but then he would go back to his old ways. And I felt pathetic in trying to force someone to go to church so eventually we just stopped.
I thought about taking him to his old church where his family is going and all his old friends. I feel like when he goes there it more of a social experience for him.
I tried talking to his mom about our problems. But a few months ago, me and him took a break from the relationship and he went back to his house. I would come over to try to ask his mom to help us with our relationship. However, she was just happy to have her son back home and told me to just give him time.
So it's like all I can do is sit here and wait for an epiphany to go off in his heart but with each day that passes by he is becoming more and more distant to me. And I've come to a point where I feel completely lost.
When we first decided to live together. We knew in our hearts that we weren't going to be with anyone else. We made our own little commitment and it helped put a little peace in our hearts even though we knew what we were doing was wrong.
I pray every night and I am trying to build my relationship with God. I pray for him to help guide my boyfriend. But I know that it is no help because my boyfriend's heart is closed right now.
I tried taking him to church. He agreed that he felt like it was missing in his life. We went a couple times and he would feel better for like a day but then he would go back to his old ways. And I felt pathetic in trying to force someone to go to church so eventually we just stopped.
I thought about taking him to his old church where his family is going and all his old friends. I feel like when he goes there it more of a social experience for him.
I tried talking to his mom about our problems. But a few months ago, me and him took a break from the relationship and he went back to his house. I would come over to try to ask his mom to help us with our relationship. However, she was just happy to have her son back home and told me to just give him time.
So it's like all I can do is sit here and wait for an epiphany to go off in his heart but with each day that passes by he is becoming more and more distant to me. And I've come to a point where I feel completely lost.
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dayhiker
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Its too bad things have gone the way they have. Looks like he has a lot of learning to do about who he is. There are so many things that could be bothering him.
guilt from disobeying God.
Losing his family for a while. Or church family.
He was just living a good life because of the church people he was around.
Young people are still changing a lot in the late teens to 20's
You didn't mention job/school issues?
So Its not clear to me how many of these are entering into what he is feeling.
guilt from disobeying God.
Losing his family for a while. Or church family.
He was just living a good life because of the church people he was around.
Young people are still changing a lot in the late teens to 20's
You didn't mention job/school issues?
So Its not clear to me how many of these are entering into what he is feeling.
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He also was in school but had to stop because we couldn't afford to pay two tuitions. And schooling was never important to him. He just went for me. He is at a job that he loves right now. I feel like that is the only thing he ever cares, talks, or thinks about is work.
And I 100% agree that there are so many factors that are making him feel like that. I just don't know what to do to get him to move on from things. He is so stubborn. The only way he knows how to handle a problem is to get mad then run away.
And I 100% agree that there are so many factors that are making him feel like that. I just don't know what to do to get him to move on from things. He is so stubborn. The only way he knows how to handle a problem is to get mad then run away.
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NiobiumTragedy
Glorious Tragedy
You can't fix this. Only he can make that decision for himself. The best you can do is show support for the decisions he makes. If he makes the wrong ones, you will seriously need to consider ending it. It's that simple and that complex all in one, but you trying to force or convince him into doing things he doesn't choose to do himself will only cause things to go more downhill from the state he's in. He needs to be the one to pick himself up off the ground and pull himself out of the hole. However, if he has no responsibility, chances are he will continue to milk this if he's permitted to. He needs to be in a position where he has no other option but to make an effort. If you create that situation for him, you can pretty much consider the relationship over.
It really is a double edged sword to deal with.
It really is a double edged sword to deal with.
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dayhiker
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Ya, if a guy can't communicate as in gets mad and runs away, then its time for you to run away ... at least don't take the relationships any further till he learns to communicate.
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E
elenore
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You're living in sin by the sounds of it and that's the very first thing you have to change if you want God to help you sort this thing out.
Why would God answer our prayers when we're deliberately ignoring him and doing things he has expressively forbidden?
You need to leave this man if he won't accept you no longer sleeping with him (with a shared house that can be very difficult anyway.) Repent, do what you can do and then go from there.
What makes you think you can fix this relationship anyway. He's rejected you, he's rejected his family to a certain extent, he's rejected God. He's rejected his morals, his upbringing, the standards that kept him as the person you thought he was. You pulled a baby off a life support system by the sounds of it and now you're wondering why it's acting like a baby.
My advice is start going back to church (if it's a good one), forgive yourself and start rebuilding your life regardless of what he does. If he's not going to marry you, holding on is just going to do more damage the longer you keep trying to fool yourself.
And apart from that - do you really want to marry this man. What kind of husband and father will he be?
There is no point in allowing him to destroy you too. Whether he gets back on his feet is kind of irrelevant, because you can't save him. He has to want to. Then be willing to do what it takes. And obviously you still aren't enough of an incentive. He's already had everything you had to offer and it wasn't enough.
If you don't forgive yourself, something like this could really destroy your faith - and not only that, in yourself to a certain degree as well. You need to man up, basically. Do the right thing.
You haven't up til now but you need to make the right decision. For yourself if nothing else.
(this of course assuming that you have slept together which your post seems to indicate.)
You both could have signed marriage papers - they aren't that expensive but you didn't.
These are the consequences.
You made a big mistake but you can at least save yourself in this situation. Men lie. So do women.
Deal with it.
(Hope that helps)
Why would God answer our prayers when we're deliberately ignoring him and doing things he has expressively forbidden?
You need to leave this man if he won't accept you no longer sleeping with him (with a shared house that can be very difficult anyway.) Repent, do what you can do and then go from there.
What makes you think you can fix this relationship anyway. He's rejected you, he's rejected his family to a certain extent, he's rejected God. He's rejected his morals, his upbringing, the standards that kept him as the person you thought he was. You pulled a baby off a life support system by the sounds of it and now you're wondering why it's acting like a baby.
My advice is start going back to church (if it's a good one), forgive yourself and start rebuilding your life regardless of what he does. If he's not going to marry you, holding on is just going to do more damage the longer you keep trying to fool yourself.
And apart from that - do you really want to marry this man. What kind of husband and father will he be?
There is no point in allowing him to destroy you too. Whether he gets back on his feet is kind of irrelevant, because you can't save him. He has to want to. Then be willing to do what it takes. And obviously you still aren't enough of an incentive. He's already had everything you had to offer and it wasn't enough.
If you don't forgive yourself, something like this could really destroy your faith - and not only that, in yourself to a certain degree as well. You need to man up, basically. Do the right thing.
You haven't up til now but you need to make the right decision. For yourself if nothing else.
(this of course assuming that you have slept together which your post seems to indicate.)
You both could have signed marriage papers - they aren't that expensive but you didn't.
These are the consequences.
You made a big mistake but you can at least save yourself in this situation. Men lie. So do women.
Deal with it.
(Hope that helps)
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