Help

[hannabananers]

Hi All,

First time to this forum. I am really needing help and advice... and some prayer.

A while ago I had come to a stumbling point in my Christian walk.

Anyway, I started dating this really nice guy - named J.J. - Fell in love and then because I didn't know better we moved in with each other. That was 3 years ago - coming up on four for actual dating.

Lately it dawned on me that living in sin is wrong. Before when we moved in togther we were working on getting married and I thought that living together was fine... well its been 4 years and no marriage. So this brings me to now... In January we broke up, however we had to stay living together due to financial reasons. Then we slowly got back together. I haven't been completely sure lately of whether or not he wants to be with me. I have been thinking a lot about my Christian Walk and that I need to start getting focused on that... it was a deep calling if you will. So, after learning that we shouldn't be living together if we aren't married, I have been looking for a place to move to. I have talked to him about it and he is against it. I tell him that we could get our relationship back on track if we separated... get back to the dating stage. He tells me this is not right and I'm pulling back from him. Which I am - He has felt that within our relationship that I have always held back. I told him I couldn't give him all of me without that deeper commitment found through marriage. Anyway, things right now are tough. He believes in God - but not in the Christian sense. I love him and want to be with him, but I want to do it right for God. He doesn't understand it... and is threatening that our relationship would end if I left. He says I've changed and he doesn't know if he can be with me. The way I have changed is with getting back on my walk. I know I am doing the right thing by moving out. I also want him to find God for himself and for the relationship, so he would be more understanding of the "road blocks" that are being set up - moving out, and that I'm not able to marry a non-christian. It really hurts me. So going to today he has let me know that the relationship might not work out if I leave and for me not to talk to him about it. I hoping that someone out there can help me.

Thank-you. Sorry if there is any confusion and grammer errors.

 

[hannabananers]

Just wanted to thank you for that last reply! I have thought about it and I don't see him as being manipulative. However, his behavior right now is... cause hes not getting what he wants - I understand thats how he feels... I would to given if the situation was the other way around. I know he hurts. I just wish I can make him understand that me moving out for our relationship is the best thing. I mean, to be able to have the dating stage back would be a lot to our relationship... right now we have gotten to the point of taking each other for granted. I'm looking for prayers that he will come to know God and prayers to support me in being strong as I know this is the right thing to do. Thanks

 

[hannabananers]

Thanks... I have tried to explain to him that we can still date, and I'm not doing this to harm the relationship even though it looks that way - I'm doing it to help it. I wish there was something I could do to show him that it might not be such a bad thing. He said a few days ago that he understood - he didn't like it, but he was trying to look at it from my side... then today because I told him I might have found a place he had is temper tantrum. Lately around the house things have been cold. I mean I too understand that I would have a hard time if it were me in his shoes. I just really need some support - this hurts so much and its because I am hurting him.

 

[hannabananers]

Thanks Katomi for your advice and support. I live a far away from my family and close friends... so I find it difficult to feel the support. Even though I'm attending Church again, I still feel alone in this situation. I think your right about him being ok with the IDEA and now that its a reality - not ok with it! It hard like I said I know I'm doing the right thing, but I also doubt it too. I just want to move out and see how it goes... I don't want to be in this emotional turmoil anymore. I guess its been a turmoil since we did break up in Jan. and have gotten back together... which is great - but he broke it off with me back then and I don't want him to think this is some sort of punishment towards what he did - because its not. AAAHHHH this is hard, because I'm living in the situation and I love him... but I know that it was time to make the situation right for God - either move out or get married. Since the break up its hard to go straight into marriage - so moving out is the best plan of action. Anyway, I'm torn because I'm hurting him, but I am doing it for the sake of the relationship and for my relationship with God. Thanks again for your input - I really appreciate it. I guess what I'm trying to say is cause I'm living in the situation it feels like the world is crashing down on me.

 

[Leanna]

On first glance, I think you should get married. It sounds like you guys are in love and you have a long history together.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

I haven't read what others have said but I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on your walk with God and moving out. I know it may be tough but in the long run you will see that it is much better that way. When you are focusing on God and making sure you're doing what He wants then everything will turn out fine. And who knows, maybe this guy will see the change in you and realize that he needs God in his life too. keep praying about it and seeking God!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You're to be commended for making such a hard decision for the sake of your walk. Remember that even if he brings marriage up at this point he is not a Christian and you would be yoking yourself with a non-believer.

My ex-h was not a believer when we started dating (I was in a lukewarm stage). When we were close to breaking up he told me he had accepted Christ. I thought everything would be great, but his dedication to God ended on Sunday. He never submitted his life to God and he was mean to me and our oldest.

Hopefully your bf will accept Christ, but don't think that automatically makes marriage a good idea. You should wait for the fruit to be evident.

 

[hannabananers]

Hi All,

Thank you for all of the feedback. I just feel so hurt and tormented... I love him - I don't want to lose him. But I know that this is an unhealthy situation... I hope that he will accept Christ. Right now he views it as me moving out is against what he wants and because I am doing it for my walk he is even more against it... I am worried that he will be angry against God for this and not ever go to God. He feels that he's a good person (which he is) and that he doesn't need to be forgiven or have a savior. Its unfortunate that we have been together for so long and there is history and love for each other, because this makes it even more difficult. I'm not even sure if I should try to talk to him after I move out or let him make the first move. Like I said I love him and I don't want to lose him. I guess what I need is a miracle. Thanks all.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Hi All,

Thank you for all of the feedback. I just feel so hurt and tormented... I love him - I don't want to lose him. But I know that this is an unhealthy situation... I hope that he will accept Christ. Right now he views it as me moving out is against what he wants and because I am doing it for my walk he is even more against it... I am worried that he will be angry against God for this and not ever go to God. He feels that he's a good person (which he is) and that he doesn't need to be forgiven or have a savior. Its unfortunate that we have been together for so long and there is history and love for each other, because this makes it even more difficult. I'm not even sure if I should try to talk to him after I move out or let him make the first move. Like I said I love him and I don't want to lose him. I guess what I need is a miracle. Thanks all.

Our God is a God of miracles. For some people it takes a painful, traumatic event before they start seeking God. Is there anyone from your church that might be able to talk to him after you move out?

 

[chocolateloverjen]

Hi All,

First time to this forum. I am really needing help and advice... and some prayer.

A while ago I had come to a stumbling point in my Christian walk.

Anyway, I started dating this really nice guy - named J.J. - Fell in love and then because I didn't know better we moved in with each other. That was 3 years ago - coming up on four for actual dating.

Lately it dawned on me that living in sin is wrong. Before when we moved in togther we were working on getting married and I thought that living together was fine... well its been 4 years and no marriage. So this brings me to now... In January we broke up, however we had to stay living together due to financial reasons. Then we slowly got back together. I haven't been completely sure lately of whether or not he wants to be with me. I have been thinking a lot about my Christian Walk and that I need to start getting focused on that... it was a deep calling if you will. So, after learning that we shouldn't be living together if we aren't married, I have been looking for a place to move to. I have talked to him about it and he is against it. I tell him that we could get our relationship back on track if we separated... get back to the dating stage. He tells me this is not right and I'm pulling back from him. Which I am - He has felt that within our relationship that I have always held back. I told him I couldn't give him all of me without that deeper commitment found through marriage. Anyway, things right now are tough. He believes in God - but not in the Christian sense. I love him and want to be with him, but I want to do it right for God. He doesn't understand it... and is threatening that our relationship would end if I left. He says I've changed and he doesn't know if he can be with me. The way I have changed is with getting back on my walk. I know I am doing the right thing by moving out. I also want him to find God for himself and for the relationship, so he would be more understanding of the "road blocks" that are being set up - moving out, and that I'm not able to marry a non-christian. It really hurts me. So going to today he has let me know that the relationship might not work out if I leave and for me not to talk to him about it. I hoping that someone out there can help me.

Thank-you. Sorry if there is any confusion and grammer errors.

1st my nick name is JJ, lol because there my initials.

2nd pray, as will i and my boyfriend who i will tell about your situation.

3rd i dont want to make the decission for you so i will not say anything apart from do a pro and cons list thats allways good for me and sometimes fun.

 

[hannabananers]

Hi All,

Thank you for responding so quickly. I just wish it was easy. I know I'm not responsible for his faith... I have planted the seed... All I can do is hope... however I am scared to hope and then be disappointed. I know I am feeling sorry for myself because I might not get what I want... as selfish as that is. I'm just so numb. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

As far as him seeing someone from my church after I leave - he probably won't... he will view it as they are on my side and that'll be that - I suppose you never know though... It could happen. I'm down about the whole situation... and I don't see anything postitive coming from it afterward (pretty negative huh). Thanks again

 

[YouthPastor]

you and him both think differently about living together. You want to grow closer to God - he does not.

Does not make fr a good "foundation" for a relationship or a marriage

 

[hannabananers]

Hey Everyone,

Thank you for your feedback and support. I moved out yesterday. It is so heartbreaking. However, he says that he still wants to be with me and that he's all for pre-marital counselling - which is a huge thing as a few weeks ago he was so dead set against it. I dunno - I guess we'll see, because right now it can go either way.

Its hard not to go over and see him... I just know that the pain is to much.

Thanks for letting vent.