Help with situation

[Masako]

Hi I never thought I’d find myself where I am but stuff happens. My husband goes stand up and one man canoe paddling. Recently his friend asked him to take a female friend paddling with him. He agreed without asking me and even offered to pick her up. We have never met this woman. I am very upset but my husband said I’m over reacting. He refuses to get Godly counsel. I think it’s inappropriate for a married Christian man to be paddling alone with an unmarried woman. I’ll also admit I’m insecure. I am disabled and no longer able to paddle and I’ve put in extra weight. He said he has no other intention except to have a paddle buddies but sometimes that’s his affairs start. I am wondering how do other believers see this situation?

 

[Silverback]

I see it the same, I had a pastor tell me once, that if a man and women are good friends, and they have enough time and opportunity, they will sleep together.

Now, that isn't true in every case, most people have friends of the opposite sex, and nothing happens.

As far as I'm concerned though, married people should not be hanging around with those of the opposite sex alone, unless it's work related, or you are giving them a ride home because their car won't start...that type of thing, even then he should tell you.

Those are my thoughts...

 

[Masako]

I see it the same, I had a pastor tell me once, that if a man and women are good friends, and they have enough time and opportunity, they will sleep together.

Now, that isn't true in every case, most people have friends of the opposite sex, and nothing happens.

As far as I'm concerned though, married people should not be hanging around with those of the opposite sex alone, unless it's work related, or you are giving them a ride home because their car won't start...that type of thing, even then he should tell you.

Those are my thoughts...

Thank you!

 

[Llleopard]

I'm with you. My husband's arthritis is so bad he can't walk or hike with me anymore. NO WAY do I go with other men. I learned self defense and walk by myself, or with women friends. He struggles with feeling inadequate that he is no longer able to partner with me in this, and me replacing him with another guy would be horribly insensitive. I haven't stopped entirely because I love walking, but I sure don't rub it in his face. We also compromise and have found new activities that we can both do together.

 

[Alicia Booth]

Hi I never thought I’d find myself where I am but stuff happens. My husband goes stand up and one man canoe paddling. Recently his friend asked him to take a female friend paddling with him. He agreed without asking me and even offered to pick her up. We have never met this woman. I am very upset but my husband said I’m over reacting. He refuses to get Godly counsel. I think it’s inappropriate for a married Christian man to be paddling alone with an unmarried woman. I’ll also admit I’m insecure. I am disabled and no longer able to paddle and I’ve put in extra weight. He said he has no other intention except to have a paddle buddies but sometimes that’s his affairs start. I am wondering how do other believers see this situation?

Sweet friend, I am so sorry he is behaving this way. I completely agree with you. It's very risky for members of the opposite sex to be friends.

 

[Toro]

While I understand how you feel.... either he is going to cheat or he isn't.

While he is certainly playing with fire, all you can really do is pray that the Father takes away your insecurities and/or changes his heart to see that even IF his intentions are innocent, its not worth the danger he puts himself in.

Ultimately it comes down to how much do you trust him. If it is a one time thing, then there is no real reason to make a serious issue about it. (Although as a married man I wouldn't go without my wife)

As I said, I would take your problem to God and recieve His advice and help in proceeding forward.

If you accuse him, he is likely only going to be defensive. If you keep talking about it with him (talking is great, but only if it accomplishes its goal of putting you at ease or helping him to understand why its a risk. If neither is being accomplished... it will likely only annoy/offend him while also keeping it fresh and at the front of your mind.

If someone wants to cheat, they are going to cheat, all the worrying in the world isnt going to stop them. If he hasnt ever given you reason to distrust.... then give it to God and pray for your husband that IF he insists on going, and IF he is tempted.... that he will resist and flee rather than give in to it.

By the way, I don't feel you are over reacting. I believe he is vastly underestimating the power of temptation, but that is where praying comes in to strengthen him IF the circumstance arises..... ultimately, if you married a "good man" and he has not strayed from being "a good man" trust that he is that man and have faith that God will help him to choose correctly.

Be his helper rather than his accuser... even though you are certainly right to be concerned, use that concern to strengthen him through prayer and through the Lord. How he responds to the Spirit, IF it is in him is up to him... it profits you to not have your head in the sand, paying attention to future signs but it profits you nothing to worry endlessly.

 

[WolfGate]

Lots of wisdom in Toro's post.

To the OP, I will say that I agree it is not wise for him to do so, and even if his intentions are innocent he should be open to hearing why it bothers you. Even if your reasons are related to insecurity around your disability etc., those are valid and he should be open to adjusting his actions to respect those. Your expectations are not an over reaction.

At the same time, you said yourself you were "very upset". It is not clear if you started that way or got that way when he did not listen to the impact it had on you. If you started out that way, then I would say you did over react. If he has not given you reason to expect the worst, then go into discussing something like this expecting him to do his best. Every spouse has done something that bothered their partner which was in a blind spot for them. All of us have done it, and will almost certainly do it again. You cannot control when your spouse does that, but you can control responding in a way that is self-respecting and true to the spouse you strive to be.

Prayers for you both.