Hello All. Just want to thank whoever you are for reading this. I am in so much need of prayer and council. My husband and I have played music together since the day we met. We got involved with music ministry together as soon as we got saved (about 10 years ago). I have always struggled with not believing I was a good enough singer although I love to sing and worship the Lord. I believe that my voice is very average but when my husband and I worship together it becomes a very sweet place that the Holy spirit loves to fill. Recently we were asked to lead worship at our church. I was feeling insecure and couldn't imagine learning another song that I felt I could barely sing well. So, I told my husband to play without me. Having been a bit feed-up with my lack of self confidence he said fine and asked another young lady to take my place. I did not feel like he fought for me or tried to encourage me to get through this. I felt like maybe he was excited about the new band he had created without me. He would come home and tell me about how excited he was to hear the other girl sing this one song and how it was going to be the "highlight of the worship time" which it was! She is absolutely lovely and her voice is impeccable. Our congregation was so blessed by the music. No one from church asked why I was not singing. Instead all I heard was about what a great "team" the band made. I realize that I am being selfish and that this is not about me but how do I deal with this? I stepped back with the hopes that the Lord would help encourage me and remind me of the gift that He has given me but instead I have been completely discouraged to ever want to sing again! Is this the Lord telling me to step away from this ministry? I know that my husband has been called to do this and I am being such a selfish jerk. I wish I could just be O.K. with being replaced. Why is this so hard? This morning before my husband left to go lead worship once again I started crying and told him I wished he would at least tell me he missed having me there. He thinks he shouldn't even have to say that and that I should just know that there is nothing that he wants more. He then got mad at me that I put this on him right before he had to go lead worship ( I realize that he was right about that).He told me he is done with leading worship and that he will never do it again which of course is not what I want or what I wanted to hear! Now I just feel like the crazy jealous and unsupportive wife. He will be home soon and I have been praying all morning that the Lord will help me with this. I just don't know what to do. My church LOVES hearing her and my husband lead worship. Im sure that they"liked" hearing my husband and i sing together but their words are that this new "team" (which by the way is only different because it lacks me and includes her) is according to them a "new level", "amazing", "anointed by God", etc... I could go on and on. How can I ever get up there again! I mean, obviously I shouldn't! But how do I heal from this? Not only do I feel pushed aside by my church and my husband but worst of all... my God!
God bless u for taking the time to read. Any feedback on how to deal with this will be greatly appreciated.
God bless u for taking the time to read. Any feedback on how to deal with this will be greatly appreciated.
