Help with Mom

[mmchaz]

Mom and I have never had a good relationship. She is Bipolar and refuses help besides take medication when she feels like it. We stopped talking in December of 2012. Three weeks ago she ran into my husband, and followed him to our home (before this she didn't know where we lived). When she came to the door I did NOT want to see her, but she asked to talk and try to fix things between us so I allowed her in to talk. She started getting angry, and would not listen to anything I or my husband said. So we asked her to leave, she refused and I had to call the police. Shortly before the police arrived thin became physical, she was attempting to destroy my home (throwing things, jumping on my couches, etc) so I forcibly removed her from my home. We had 2 more incidents that night at her home and her step-daughters home, each time the police were called. We had some of our things stored on her properties and she threatened that if we did not get them out that night they would be destroyed. Needless to say I am not at all proud of the things I did that night. She went and filed a temporary restraining order on e and my husband for her injuries. Thank God the judge said that she did not have enough evidence to warrant a permanent restraining order.
I am still left feeling as though I need revenge. I know this is wrong but I do not understand how a mother can treat her daughter this way and think it is ok. I want to contact her to tell her how I feel but on the other hand I do not want anything to do with her. Please Help!

 

[joey_downunder]

At this point in time you probably should not talk to her *unless* absolutely necessary. Words said in anger cannot be "unsaid".

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. (Proverbs 10:19)

Please give it over to God and let Him take control of your circumstances.

Romans 13:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another.Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.8 Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I also have a difficult mother but she is able to control herself when she *chooses* to do so. You have the extra challenge of knowing she is actually mentally ill but you also need to keep your boundaries very firm/closed for your own mental health.

I found this website very helpful. Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families

 

[mmchaz]

Wow, I don't know what kind of response I was expecting but this was amazing! I knew the basics of the scriptures you quoted but after reading them in depth I think I understand now that I do not HAVE to avenge my hurt and anger (as the world suggests). Thank you for taking the time to reply and also for the very helpful Ministry Website!

 

[joey_downunder]

No worries - us survivors of difficult/abusive mothers need to stick together and help each other out whenever possible. God can use anything for good.

 

[emily catherine]

Praying for you.

May God be with you

 

[jjust19]

My mother suffers from depression, and to be honest, she isn't that bright... So, I can relate to you in some sense. The best thing to do is to be nice and pray for her. However, sometimes it's best just to completely cut someone off. Please don't hate your mother, she does suffer from bipolar disorder after all. I would, and I know this sounds harsh, just cut her off completely and move if need be. You need to get the police to organise something, 'cause your mother sounds really... unpredictable to say it lightly, again no offence.

 

[yanno the meek]

Joey,

In my bible it's chapter 12 not 13 but then I'm Catholic

mmchaz,

I work with the mentally ill and I used to work with the severely mentally ill and would do so in a heartbeat if I had the chance. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with faith healing but make no mistake, that is exactly what is happening if you take no action. When a parent becomes psychotic they need help, for the family and for them. Consider having her forcibly committed to a mental institution. If the same things happen when she gets out, commit her again and again and again. You are dealing with an illness, not a character choice. There is help for people in your situation. Take advantage of it.