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Help with idea, please!

antiarte

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Right now I'm trying to develop a story about a woman who's raped, and later her rapist becomes a Christian. And while he tries to battle with his past and all that, the woman lets her resentment and hatred get the best of her...and basically the tables turn. She wants revenge in her own terms and he tries to seek forgiveness.

I think it's overwrought and manipulative and I'm about to completely discard it....still, there's somethings about it I like. I write scripts, by the way.

I"d appreciate the feedback. Peace out.
 

Westvleteren

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I don't think it's too manipulative, if you handle it right.

Maybe tell it in limited omniscient point of view, or even first-person, so that the reader only gets the thoughts going through one character's mind. It makes what's going on less obvious, and keeping one character guessing as to another's actions and motivations draws out the mystery for the reader.

A lot will depend, too, on how you handle the ending. I could be wrong, but I would think a pat, neat, happy ending would probably make it seem contrived.

Run with it for a bit. See if you can get inside one of the character's heads by writing a short journal entry or something. If the character grabs you by the ear and drags you into writing the story, it's good to go.

Good luck!
 
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antiarte

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Westvleteren said:
I don't think it's too manipulative, if you handle it right.

Maybe tell it in limited omniscient point of view, or even first-person, so that the reader only gets the thoughts going through one character's mind. It makes what's going on less obvious, and keeping one character guessing as to another's actions and motivations draws out the mystery for the reader.
I haven't considered this approach. Hmmm.

A lot will depend, too, on how you handle the ending. I could be wrong, but I would think a pat, neat, happy ending would probably make it seem contrived.
In one of the first sypnosis the raped woman actually carries on with her plans, takes revenge on the man who raped her. I also must mention that her husband is much younger than her, and she convinces him to help her. There are different thngs in it that seem worth developing, little details, but the overall seems too dramatic.

Run with it for a bit. See if you can get inside one of the character's heads by writing a short journal entry or something. If the character grabs you by the ear and drags you into writing the story, it's good to go.
I have two characters: the man (rapist turned Christian), and the woman (rape victim who wants revenge). I like pretty much the things they deal with: the man's new found faith and his guilt and his past; the woman's crumbling faith and her downward spirai. Her past is no sugary neither. So, basically as the man gets "better", the woman gets worse.

I don't know. I still can't quite grasp it, y'know. I usually get the substance, or whatever the whole thing should about, and then build around it. It's supossed to be about forgiveness. There's just something about it that doesn't fit. I guess I'll have to think about ti so more.

Thanks for the feedback.
 
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antiarte

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Here's a rushed synopsis I penned last night. What do you think?

ACT ONE
Consuelo is a born again Christian with a past she wishes she could just erase and forget. She lives with her much younger husband, also a Christian. He's Richard. She's 38. He's 26. They married recently and it seems not to the approval of the congregation they frequent, but it isn't the case with his family. And they're in love. Consuelo works as a cleaning lady in the house of the Collins. She's been there for a month or so. Consuelo still struggles with habits from her past. She keeps herself from thinking too much about what was it that really attracted him to her because she doesn't want to be ungrateful or feel guilty for sayings "buts" to something God gave her, she believes. And that something is Richard, companionship. Something that she never thought she'd have. So she's off to work. At the Collins', the middle aged couple are mad at each other, as usual. After the wife, Dana, leaves, his husband, Dave, gets fresh with Consuelo. She keeps it to herself. About a week later, he rapes her. She keeps it a secret, which begins to eat her up inside. Later, about a month or so, Dave has a heart attack. Consuelo is there. She hesiates at first, but eventually gets help. He survives. She doesn't know whether to be happy or mad. She's kinda both. Dave eventually gets well, and after asking Consuelo, her pastors go to his place, pray for him...and he becomes a Christian. He decides to surrender to God.

ACT TWO Consuelo receives this with mixed feelings. Secretly, she's becoming more confused and angry. She neglects her husband, begins to turn inward, everyday more self-destructive and confused. Meanwhile, Dave gets well, physically and spiritually. He acts and seems different, more happier and not so defensive and prone to yelling. His wife notices. He wonders what has gotten into him. And Consuelo downward spirals steadily, questioning God and thinking He forsook her, her faith basically begins to crumble. Richard recognizes he hasn't been paying her the attention she needs. She says she's okay. She doesn't talk about the incident. Secretly, she's worse. She still works at the Collins. Dave tries not to see her or face her, and when he does he's evasive and tries not to look her in the face. She glares at him sometimes. And he tries to never stay along with her anymore. Consuelo tells her husband, Richard, about the rape. He doesn't quite grasp it at first. He doesn't know what to say. His reaction is kind of delayed, angered, even at Consuelo for not saying it earlier and reporting it to the police. They argue, but eventually calm down. He doesn't know what to think. The news start to get to Richard, too. He doesn't know what to do, how to approach it; Consuelo quits her job. Later, they go to a counseling session with their pastors, which was appointed to start before the rape. They don't say a thing. They found out Dave is also set to be counseled by the pastors. He's gonna be a regular member of the church. Claudia tells her husband they should go to another church. One Sunday they stay home. And then another, and another. The pastors try to talk to them about why the stopped going. They make excuses. They do go the next week. They see Dave is getting better, and they feel they're getting worse. Consuelo doesn't like it. She thinks it's not fair. Later at home, she indirectly tries to tell Richard they should do something about it: revenge. He doesn't agree. Later, she convinces him.

ACT THREE
Consuelo thinks they should rape Dave's daughter, that Richard should do it. He doesn't want to. They end up not agreeing after all and drop the whole plan. Consuelo makes a desperate attempt to reconnect with God. She fails. She doesn't let go of her hatred and resentment. She looks for another job. Later, they resume the counseling sessions with the pastors. Dave and his wife are present. Consuelo and Richard keep quiet. The pastors learn Consuelo quit her job with the Collins. Consuelo says she's tired of cleaning jobs. There are not further words exchanged. Consuelo and Richard leave. Seeing Dave so "happy", and considering his wife's situation, he decides it's best to carry on the plan. They're gonna kill Dave, maybe his wife, too. One Sunday in church, Richard waits for Dave, stabs him to death. He leaves with Consuelo. In their car, as they drive away, they realize there's no way back now. They're still confused. They just try to drive as far away as possible. Much later Richard's in prison; Consuelo is not. He looks messed up and old and weary. They're getting divorced. He doesn't wanna see her. He talks to her just to let her know how they've raped him in there. Consuelo has realized her erroneous ways and the hatred. She's repented, but the consequences remain. Consuelo only wishes she had forgiven Dave sooner, just like God forgave her of her blemished and sinful past.
 
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Westvleteren

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Wow. Writing that is going to be an emotional rollercoaster, that's for sure, with all the complex interactions going on between the characters. I think it's going to make a great study into how humans deal with huge issues and how faith plays into that, especially based on their backgrounds.

Consuelo is obviously going to start off seeing herself more as a victim than either of her well-to-do employers, which--it looks like--plays into how she reacts to her treatment at the hands of Dave. Richard sounds like he's going to be the psychological mystery. He's young; he seems to be everything Consuelo needs at first, but obviously, at some point, he fails in that. His decision to take a violent course of action to resolve his inner turmoil and the deterioration of their marriage is going to be tough to write, but there's a lot of fertile ground there.

I would definitely prepare yourself with a lot of thought about who these people are: Where they come from; how they got where they are; how they feel about things -- even things that don't have anything to do with the story. Once you know them well enough that you know exactly how they'll react, these characters will write the story themselves; and all their interactions will feel true for the reader.

I also think this would make a great screenplay. Have you seen the movie "Closer"? I think it's a good model for how to handle writing a film where the only real story is four people and what happens between them. The language is utterly filthy in places, but if you're interested in that sort of thing, it would be worth "suffering" through. Also, "Spanglish" is a good film for looking at what happens when class differences cause problems between a maid and the family she works for.

Even if you decide you don't have the emotional energy to write this one right now, definitely keep this synopsis in your notebook -- it's a great idea and worth hanging onto.
 
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antiarte

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Westvleteren said:
Consuelo is obviously going to start off seeing herself more as a victim than either of her well-to-do employers, which--it looks like--plays into how she reacts to her treatment at the hands of Dave.
Yeah. But I didn't like the idea first mainly because of her downward spiral and Dave's "recovery". I don't know. But later little "details" and situations kept popping up, so I just sorta ran with it.

Richard sounds like he's going to be the psychological mystery. He's young; he seems to be everything Consuelo needs at first, but obviously, at some point, he fails in that. His decision to take a violent course of action to resolve his inner turmoil and the deterioration of their marriage is going to be tough to write, but there's a lot of fertile ground there.
I like uncomfortable situations...or situations that are not commonly adressed, specially ones that I might be confused about or not clear about. I have more questions than answers here. I did think too it'd be tough to write. I think that by working on his backstory, all that stuff, I might be able to make it convincing and really fit into the story.

I would definitely prepare yourself with a lot of thought about who these people are: Where they come from; how they got where they are; how they feel about things -- even things that don't have anything to do with the story. Once you know them well enough that you know exactly how they'll react, these characters will write the story themselves; and all their interactions will feel true for the reader.
I'd definitely have to prepare myself that way. I know more about the direction I'd like to Consuelo and Dave; the other characters are still a bit sketchy. I really don't want Richard or the others to flow to the rhythm of the other characters.
Consuelo's past should be very...I don't know. She's been with lots of man, messed around with drugs. But not something to the extreme, if you know what I mean.

I also think this would make a great screenplay. Have you seen the movie "Closer"? I think it's a good model for how to handle writing a film where the only real story is four people and what happens between them. The language is utterly filthy in places, but if you're interested in that sort of thing, it would be worth "suffering" through. Also, "Spanglish" is a good film for looking at what happens when class differences cause problems between a maid and the family she works for.
I"m planning on seeing "Closer". It's a Mike Nichol's film. Gotta see it. He's a great director. "Spanglish" is a good film, too.
I have no problem with the filthy language. Recently I saw The Piano Teacher. It's about this woman, a piano teacher, who's into S & M and is very disturbing- I mean, the character. The film has only brief nudity, probably les than a PG-13 film. It ewas very well done. If you don't have a problem with watching films with heavy subjects then I recommned it. Good film.

Even if you decide you don't have the emotional energy to write this one right now, definitely keep this synopsis in your notebook -- it's a great idea and worth hanging onto.
I have more stories that are already in the script stage. Those are the priorities right now. But I'll keep it around, see how it develops.

Thanks for the advice and the feedback. Later.
 
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Westvleteren

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antiarte said:
Another thing, which is the what I have most problem with: Don't you think the plot is a little "out there"? I mean, the rape specially. It doen't convince me, the way it happens. What do you think?
Well, there's rape and there's rape. I mean, it doesn't have to be a sudden, violent attack; it could be the culmination of a long series of events that could be termed "sexual intimidation." With Consuelo coming into the story with --I'm guessing-- low self-esteem, and Dave having a sense of entitlement, seeing as how he's paying her to be there and she needs the job, etc., I could easily see a situation developing where he could make it very hard for her to refuse him, and it getting out of hand.

Even if there's a minimum of physical force involved, being psychologically intimidated into an encounter she doesn't want would leave her feeling the same at the end of it as if she had been raped in the more traditional sense.

And that sort of thing might make it more natural for their employer-employee relationship to continue even after the encounter. A violent attack would probably produce instant results; but if Dave doesn't immediately realize he's done something horribly wrong, and Consuelo doesn't immediately realize she's been wronged, they could easily continue to be around each other for some time before one of them has the epiphany that a rape took place.

Oh, this is getting a life of its own already isn't it? The best stories always do. :)
 
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Maxster211

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I wish I could have posted this earlier, but I think her being raped is a little over the edge. You might wan't to change it to, like, they were dating and he was having an affair with his real wife and when she found out she left him. That's my opinion though, I just don't like the idea of someone being raped, even in a story.
 
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antiarte

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Westvleteren said:
Well, there's rape and there's rape. I mean, it doesn't have to be a sudden, violent attack; it could be the culmination of a long series of events that could be termed "sexual intimidation." With Consuelo coming into the story with --I'm guessing-- low self-esteem, and Dave having a sense of entitlement, seeing as how he's paying her to be there and she needs the job, etc., I could easily see a situation developing where he could make it very hard for her to refuse him, and it getting out of hand.
It's the way that I thought should happen- not a sudden attack. I think I just need to work on Dave's backstory to make it convincing that he would be capable to do such a thing.

Even if there's a minimum of physical force involved, being psychologically intimidated into an encounter she doesn't want would leave her feeling the same at the end of it as if she had been raped in the more traditional sense.
Yeah, it should be with little physical force. He does it to her and since he threatens her and everything because of her illegal status she doesn't try to push away or anything.

Oh, this is getting a life of its own already isn't it? The best stories always do. :)
Yeah, little by little it's getting there. Thanks for the feedback.
 
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