Help with friends please!

[hannahchick]

Hi there,

I just wanted to write this because I'm feeling discouraged and disheartened about my friends and want to get some fresh opinions.

So I'm a youth leader at my church (have been for the last 2 years). Dynamics are always changing because leaders come and go. Youth group is on every Friday and Bible study for the youth leaders is every Thursday night. There are about 10 leaders, of which about 7 of them I thought I was decent friends with.

I ran for parliament with a Christian party for the State Election here in WA. (The party stands for typical Christian values and views.) I didn't get in, but I didn't expect to because I needed to get a majority of votes to get in.

Being a political candidate involved a lot of work, most of which surrounded co-ordinating 12 polling places in my area to have volunteers handing out how to vote cards on election day. When I first accepted the offer to be a candidate, I just figured that the youth leaders would get behind me and help out where they could. I didn't have huge expectations, but I did think they might like to do a couple of hours work on polling day to give me a hand.

The reason for my disappointment is that none of the leaders helped in a practical way. At all. Now, I don't want to misrepresent them, I am so grateful that I got a couple of supportive texts and that at Bible study a couple of days before election day, the group of leaders prayed for me.

I guess I just feel like we had something better than that going. I really thought they would offer their help, because they cared for me. One of them just wasn't convinced in the point of all the political efforts. Another didn't like those who hand out how to vote cards on the day because he found them annoying. I said to him "there are other ways you can help". But he didn't offer help at all. When I individually asked the youth leaders, one said they wanted to spend that time on election day investing in her relationships with her mum/dad/sister. The youth pastor twice said he would help, but when it came to the crunch he backed out and said he had a family thing on. When I spoke to him on the phone I couldn't help but cry because I was sad the youth leaders didn't help and he laughed and said he was glad we can be vulnerable with eachother because it helps us grow together in our walk with God. I said to him that he can help anytime between 8am and 6pm on election day and he was surprised but still didn't help out.

This had led me to question the point of my investment in these people. I have forgiven them (and continue to) but I still wonder if my experience as a candidate revealed who my true friends are. (Outside of the youth leaders, 4 Christian friends helped and 2 said they would have if they didn't have work). And it makes me ask, are all these youth leader friendships shallow??

I've just felt like a third wheel at youth group lately. At youth group, sometimes I try to speak up to say something and its like no-one hears me.

I don't know....please give me your insight....I want to do what God wants.
Thanks
hannahchick

 

[mytel]

This is a tricky one especially since it involves politics. Maybe these people are already affiliated with their own parties so didnt want to be involved with the one u were representing. Politics are a touchy issue, and people are often very attached to certain parties even through their parents influence. Having said that, it sounds like u weren't treated the best, but forgiving is your best option. I know staying angry does no good whatsoever. Instead of worrying about it, shift your focus to God, and trust Him to guide you through this time.

 

[parsley]

That sounds frustrating. Not surprising, though-- people are like that, and most don't make sacrifices of time for politics. But they could have at least shown some interest.

I find that people distance themselves when they hear of anything in your life that puts them on a different competitive level. Not that anyone is trying to compete, but when you take an action that shows you are different than they wanted you to be, their minds head in different places and unexpected things happen in the relationships. It doesn't even take bragging or flaunting for that to happen -- dynamics just change.

They might even think, "Now she is successful / thinks she is better than us," (even though you had lost more than you gained at that point) "and now she will be less involved on our team." Assuming you are leaving them for higher planes.

Another possibility... as you know, youth leaders are already very busy with one volunteer commitment beyond work and family. In any organization, members lean on the visible leaders to keep doing any work that comes to mind -- instead of balancing it out with everyone. Once you are visible, you become the target of many requests, and simply can't fulfill them all.

I understand that these were your friends and coworkers, so you did deserve some sort of acknowledgement and personal support. At least kindness! But they also had the freedom to back their own political decision, and while they like you as a person, they might have wanted to retain their right to their political positions.

This had led me to question the point of my investment in these people.

-- personal info removed --

they only responded to how it impacted them....it appeared no one getting the prayer list was praying for it, or even reading it.

My lesson -- people are very absorbed in their lives, and feel like they barely have enough concentration and energy to keep their own things going. They will volunteer for things they believe in, under their own terms... but do not like to stretch beyond that.

But also, from going through the weekly prayer lists, I realized that each person has a major concern at any given time in their lives. One has a cancer diagnosis, another has a runaway teen, another is caring for a parent with Alzheimer's, husband had a gambling crisis, drug addict in their family, wedding to plan, child going away to college, new house, hip broken, arm broken, heart broken... everyone has something.

So your candidacy might have been more than they wanted to handle, something larger in their minds than they wanted to take on. It's still not right... it's a sad reflection on the way we live out our faith.

 

[hannahchick]

Thank you Parsley and Mytel. I really appreciate you're input and sharing your experiences. Parsley, I see what you mean about people having their own issues in their life that takes their time and attention, and yeah doing youth group is already a significant investment.

My human response is to just leave. But I don't want to make any reactionary decision. So I'm trying to think logically and reasonably and act in love, seeking God on the matter. Do you think I should keep investing in the youth ministry/leaders?

Thanks
hannahchick

 

[Pal Handy]

Think of Jesus when he was in the garden and He went to pray and
He asked His friends to keep watch and when He returned they were all asleep.

Sometimes we are on our own in the things God calls us to do.
Sometimes the way is difficult and lonely as even those who are our
friends, fail to support us.

Did Jesus write off those He came to save because they failed Him? NO!

Jesus went forward and persevered and obtained His purpose which
was given to Him by His Father and in so doing, blessed many who
by His unmerited favor, share in His victories.

If you feel so strongly about this, don't quit but get back on the horse
and redouble your efforts, lay the ground work ahead of the next election
and try again...

Many never succeed the first time but those that finally do succeed,
do not give up upon their first failure.

Don't blame others for their lack of support and take the chip off your shoulder and
treat those who failed your expectation, with love and respect and then they will see that you
are someone worthy of their support and perhaps next time, things will be different.

 

[parsley]

Think of Jesus when he was in the garden and He went to pray and
He asked His friends to keep watch and when He returned they were all asleep.

Some times we are on our own in the things God calls us to do.

Perfect example.

don't quit but get back on the horse and redouble your efforts, lay the ground work ahead of the next election
and try again...

Exactly. What frustrated you with your friends was lack of support, petty prioritizing, If you are running as a candidate, you need to show that you rise above all that and represent all constituents maturely.

Being in the public eye will put you up against more criticism than acclaim, so this was good practice for keeping your cool.

You have run through the steps that it takes to do it again, so next time you will breeze more calmly through certain aspects, and know where to invest your energies. There are people who are passionate about a cause, who would love to devote their time -- use them.

It is like the story of selecting soldiers in Judges 7--

So he brought the troops down to the water; and the Lord said to Gideon, "All those who lap the water with their tongues, as a dog laps, you shall put to one side; all those who kneel down to drink, putting their hands to their mouths,[3] you shall put to the other side.


You want people who will serve your cause with vigor and conviction.

People successful in business are willing to discontinue mediocre products/services to invest in narrower inventory that represents their brand better. You don't need to throw out your friends and church in order to do this -- just be yourself where you are, and let them watch how it's done.

 

[BFine]

Your friends aren't that much into politics, so don't be too harsh
in your attitude or treatment of them. The ones who prayed for you and
or sent you supportive text messages, be blessed at least they did do what
is most important...it wasn't as "hands on" as you would of liked but it really
doesn't sound like they are all that politically inclined to start with?

Sometimes we can have unrealistic expectations? I know I have been
there and done that...so, yeah I learned "my lesson" the hard way...more
than once!

If you have a real desire to enter in the political arena, then you need to find Christian
people who are political and are steadfast in wanting to make things better.