Help with friend zone possibility

[Jamie1]

Hey, I'm 16, and I have liked a certain girl in my debate club for a couple of years.

I have done maybe six different things for her like giving an encouraging call, giving her a jacket when she was cold, etc. She's been grateful for all of them.

However, the unfortunate truth I have read is that nice guys like I'm being generally get friend zoned. I would be very, very sad if this happened to me later in life.

Since I'm 16 and she's 15, I'm not going to pursue a courting relationship until she's at least 20. So that's at least 5 years that I'll know her, without being able to give the hint that I like her in a different way than just a friend.

What should I do to avoid her seeing me as a friend and nothing but? Should I actually mention at this age that I like her if she calls me a friend or something, or is it better to wait, etc.

What is the best course of action?

I'm very worried about this. Very, very worried. She's just the perfect girl for me. I believe I'm the perfect guy for her.

Thanks.

 

[GrizzlyMonKeH]

I think you should stop worrying about dating this girl 5 years from now. You're going to meet many other people in those 5 years, and if you don't actively and cognitively keep your options open, you won't be able to open your heart to someone else. You could lose all attraction to her over the next 5 years, and if so, you will have wasted a lot of time worrying and keeping your heart closed off to anyone else. It's just not worth it.

 

[Girder of Loins]

Don't sweat it. In five years, your interests change, your likes change, and your goals change. The biggest changes of your life happen when you're 18 and 21. That's why I'm not dating until my junior year of college. 1) I date to find a wife, and at 16, few have the resources to support a family, and 2) I don't want to make a shopping list or have expectations for my wife. Other than being a Christian with the same theology as mine, I don't care. That's up to God(He knows me better than I know myself).

 

[HarborOrange]

Eh, people always are afraid of the "friend zone" but honestly, I've never dealt with it at all. Also, nice guys don't finish last. I know this from experience. The guys that get friend-zoned tend to actually, in reality, just not be what the girl wants in a man. It's not because they're nice, it's just because the girl might be looking for something else.

I for one can speak from experience here. My current girlfriend, who I have been with for 16 months now, and hope to stay with for the rest of my life, is also my best friend. I am her best friend as well. Prior to our relationship, we grew a friendship for a total of about two years, until, things had stabilized in her life and we decided to start dating. It's actually best this way, because not only were we close before our relationship, but now we literally are attuned to each other in every way... right down to often saying or thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time, etc...

Now, she and I are a very rare case, and quite a blessing. Not all relationships go like ours has. However, that's not to say that other relationships can't be the same.

Just make sure you kind of keep her in the know that you're sweet and tender, and caring... There's really no way you can prevent the "friend zone" but you can always keep yourself available for her. If the "friend zone" deal occurs, then that simply means that she's not looking for someone like you, at least, not at the moment. Don't stress it. Like I said, it's never happened to me, and it hasn't happened to any of my friends, ever.

Also, if a girl "friend zones" a guy, it most likely means she never had any romantic interest in him anyway. I mean, my girl had a crush on me even early in our sophomore year of high school. That means that she's had feeling for me for about four years straight now. If she didn't have feelings for me at all, then I certainly would have probably ended up in the friend zone.

Anyway, just don't stress it. If she friend zones you, then so be it. If not, then you're good to go. But fretting about it isn't worth it because it's not often something you can help.

G-d bless.

 

[Chris Blanks]

Nice guys only get friend-zoned because they don't approach girls and like to stay back do little things like you seem to be doing. Here is my advice, grow some balls, don't wait five years, ask her to go on a date this Saturday and see how things go. Who knows, maybe she is your soul mate, but in five years she could be long gone.

 

[HarborOrange]

Nice guys only get friend-zoned because they don't approach girls and like to stay back do little things like you seem to be doing. Here is my advice, grow some balls, don't wait five years, ask her to go on a date this Saturday and see how things go. Who knows, maybe she is your soul mate, but in five years she could be long gone.

Also, this.

 

[eagleman1992]

Everyone has hit the nail on the head and hammered it in from there. In my limited experience with dealing with girls, everything changes more rapidly than you can keep up with.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking her out, as Chris Banks mentioned. Who knows? If it's meant to be, things will be.

Best of luck to you man!

 

[HarborOrange]

Yeah, I mean... The waiting thing, I can respect, surely. It's better than going full speed ahead. Yet, I don't think there's anything wrong at all with dating, so long as you don't let things go too far and you don't compromise your life for it. If you wait 5 years, she will certainly find a new man, and may even be engaged/married by the time she's 20. Definitely not something you want to be chasing there...
I believe in getting married young, certainly. If I had a decent enough job, a home of my own, and could support myself entirely at this point, I'd probably be getting married within the next 6 months. But, that's not the case. I'm waiting until I can support a wife before I pursue that. But, I think our culture's idea of getting married in the mid-twenties is not the best to be honest. Not saying it's wrong, I just think it's best to get married young. That way, you can keep with each other through the financial struggles and such that accompany young life. Popular media would disagree with me, but I couldn't care less about what they think. They're one of the reasons men are so abusive to women and women have such a low self-esteem anyway, so what do they know about being caring or upholding a good marriage?

Anyway, I'm off my soap box now. Sorry lol.

 

[zijiatimothy]

dude, i agree, don't wait. You could try to initiate the relationship, but dun do anything ungodly XD

 

[Chany]

Yeah, pretty much what everyone else is saying. Go on a date and keep it clean. I don't know about everyone else and you, but I rapidly changed a lot within my junior and senior year of high-school. This girl probably won't be the same person two years from now, let alone five years.

 

[HarborOrange]

Yep, I can nearly guarantee with 100% certainty that this girl will be engaged/married by the time you're 20, or at least, in a committed relationship. Around that time in a person's life, usually they've scoped out who they wish to spend their life with. So, yeah, I say go for it now, or at least make sure you keep mutual interest between the two of you and go for it in a year or two.

 

[Livia21]

If she really is the one, she will still be there in those 5 years, and even if you do get friend zoned, don't give up, one she she will figure out that your the guy that has been there for her, just keeping doing that, keep being there for her and doing all those little things like giving her your jacket, every girl likes that. You'll be okay

 

[Cearbhall]

I have done maybe six different things for her like giving an encouraging call, giving her a jacket when she was cold, etc. She's been grateful for all of them.

However, the unfortunate truth I have read is that nice guys like I'm being generally get friend zoned. I would be very, very sad if this happened to me later in life.

Since I'm 16 and she's 15, I'm not going to pursue a courting relationship until she's at least 20. So that's at least 5 years that I'll know her, without being able to give the hint that I like her in a different way than just a friend.

What should I do to avoid her seeing me as a friend and nothing but? Should I actually mention at this age that I like her if she calls me a friend or something, or is it better to wait, etc.

What is the best course of action?

I'm very worried about this. Very, very worried. She's just the perfect girl for me. I believe I'm the perfect guy for her.

It's important to remember that just because you're interested in her and think you would be great together doesn't mean that she has to feel the same way or that she ever will. You don't feel this way about every girl you know, so imagine if one of those other girls felt this way about you. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, but remember that your feelings are only 50% of what's needed for this to work, no matter how strong those feelings are. The situation sucks, but she knows her feelings better than anyone else, including you.

Either she doesn't know you're interested or else she isn't interested herself. Since you're worried about it already, I would suggest making sure now that she knows how you feel. If she says she's not interested, then your friendship with her will be free of anxiety and you can start considering other girls.

And nice guys don't get friendzoned for being nice guys. It's just that they're the only ones who have trouble recognizing that there's a reason why certain girls won't date them, since the reason is obvious for guys who aren't nice. It's simply because most girls aren't romantically interested in every nice guy they know. It takes more than that to be drawn to someone.

Yep, I can nearly guarantee with 100% certainty that this girl will be engaged/married by the time you're 20, or at least, in a committed relationship. Around that time in a person's life, usually they've scoped out who they wish to spend their life with.

Whoa, you think? I only know one person who's planning on getting married before the age of 22, and that's because it's arranged. I can't even think of any parents I know who got married before graduating from college...I mean, the median age for females is currently 26.9 years.