Help with decisions

[vaharmony]

Hi, I am looking for some advice with my situation.

To start off with, I am officially married but am getting divorced as my husband left me two years ago for someone else. I am 28.

I am currently friends with a lovely Christian guy from church. We talk quite a lot and I am aware that he likes me and he is aware that I like him. But he knows my situation and that I currently cannot date anyone.

Firstly, I feel guilty for liking him as I am still married. Should I feel this? I no longer have feelings for my 'husband' and would like to get re-married one day. And my friend is a lovely guy.

Secondly, I sometimes worry that we are too close as we should technically only be friends. We do talk a lot and spend time together (although we try not to be completely alone). But we do hug goodbye all the time. Do you think this is too much? I am finding it hard to feel like we are just friends as I do like him and believe that if I were properly single then we would definitely be more than friends.

On the other hand, I am not sure that I am entirely reading to start dating. I am a little relieved that I am still 'married' as it keeps me 'safe' and I am still keeping up some walls to try and protect myself. I unsure at what point I would be totally comfortable to be in a relationship, or whether this would just take time to trust this guy more.

My plan was to stay friends with the guy at least until I am divorced, and then have some time being single. Then see what happens. But I am afraid I may already be crossing the line. But I can't help my feelings necessarily unless I break all contact.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. THanks

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, our heart wants to be close to someone as it makes us feel so good.

Sounds mostly like you need to decide what your goal is and why.
Ya, keeping space till the divorce goes thru makes sense. Keeps life less complicated. There is apt to be more emotion when the divorce is final. More emotions and perhaps more you need to learn so you aren't attracted to the same type of person as you were last time.

If you believe a period of time is needed to heal and learn more about yourself and your wants before marriage, state that as a goal and go for it. I guess make sure this guy isn't just like your soon to be EX. That is one of the biggest mistakes I think.