i am sorry if my typing is not great. i am married and we are in our thirties. my wife is from thailand. we got married not long ago and my wife wants to have a child. im for a child but i have disabilites and am unable to work. i do get help from the government but it is not much. my wife is working but plans on doing full time work soon. she is upset at me because i have said its costly to raise a child and hard on a marriage. i have told her that with me not getting much money and with a future full time job for her that i don't think we could hvae a child. she would need a well paying job. we also have stress issues because of my health problems and the ones she has. though we get along great and love each other deeply. i am sad because i dont know how to explain to her why its not a good time to have children now. she says if we do not then she will remember that decision forever. she would never leave me but i am feeling also sad that she will hold it again me if we don't have a child. i do want one just as bad as she does. am i a bad christian husband if i delay children for now? how do i get her to understand that i am saying no children for now because of financial and health concerns and not out of personal agenda? she has no idea how much i want to have daughter. someone told me to just have the child and god will provide. but i was also told god has never said to do anything you want and he will provide if we make a bad decision. i do not doubt gods ability to provide. but i want to have children based on smart planning and not just out of urges to have a child right away. i thank you for your replies
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help with decision about children
- Thread starter MySillyRandomName
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- May 11, 2015
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You can check into the programs for people that can not pay. She will be treated like a drug addict prostitute. They will test her for all the various drugs and stds. The doctor will not be a doctor so much a medical student in training. If she is ok with that, then go for it.
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RedPonyDriver
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Really? You know this how? If your state has the medicaid expansion, she can get on medicaid and go to a regular OB-GYN.
As regards testing for drugs and STDs, the drug testing is usually state mandated. STD testing is done routinely at an initial OB visit anyway.
Joshua...you are a real light to the world.
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- May 11, 2015
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I did not think my wife needed a doctor when we had our baby. The women at the church had a different opinion about that. So I just went though the free program. Which I sort of regretted, they ended up doing more harm then good. But it made everyone feel better that they were running tests and checking up on the progress of the baby. If I had to do it over again I would rather have the doctor with 15 years experience compared to the student with no experience. It is like if you want a hair cut you can go to the school and let the students practice on you. Or you can go to a professional that is licensed by the state and that is what they do day in and day out for a living.
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Odetta
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Joshua, I think you had a unique experience. Also, I can hardly believe you initially thought your wife did not need to be under the care of a medical professional. One would hope that the OP's wife would have access to medical insurance through her employer.
To the OP, you and your wife need to be in a lot of prayer together about this. You can make your plans all you want about starting your family or not, but God is ultimately in control. In some cases, he gives children when people are using family planning measures, and in some cases he doesn't give children when people are actively trying to conceive. And related to the ability to conceive, fertility tends to decrease for a woman the older she gets, and your wife is at a critical age for that actually. You mention you both are in your thirties, but do not mention if it is early, mid or late. This is about the time that fertility tends to decrease.
Also in regards to caring for the child, many, many working women are able to be good mothers at the same time. As can disabled parents. Things may have be done differently than the "norm", but what is norm anyway? In any case, we can give you all the pluses and minuses about having children or not, but ultimately it's between you, your wife and God.
To the OP, you and your wife need to be in a lot of prayer together about this. You can make your plans all you want about starting your family or not, but God is ultimately in control. In some cases, he gives children when people are using family planning measures, and in some cases he doesn't give children when people are actively trying to conceive. And related to the ability to conceive, fertility tends to decrease for a woman the older she gets, and your wife is at a critical age for that actually. You mention you both are in your thirties, but do not mention if it is early, mid or late. This is about the time that fertility tends to decrease.
Also in regards to caring for the child, many, many working women are able to be good mothers at the same time. As can disabled parents. Things may have be done differently than the "norm", but what is norm anyway? In any case, we can give you all the pluses and minuses about having children or not, but ultimately it's between you, your wife and God.
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i have told her and she understands that its still in gods hands and even wiht prorection, if god wants us to have a child then it will happen. to hetta, we did discuss this before marriage. but where she is from the women tend to be nieve and uneducated about the outside world. so she maybe though america was perfect as many foreingers see it. somewhere where you have a child and things are fine. she understood that me wanting kids was not decided because i wanted to wait until we were ready. at first when she came she told me she was ok if we did not have kids because it was not the most important thing. her friends who have come here are married to better off men, so they do not understand that most americans just can't have kids at anytime. you need things to be ready. stable carrer, planned future and things of that nature. her one friends husband told me he understands where i am coming from and its why they will not have until they are ready. his wife told me wife this but i think my wife has a hard time with things not going as she would like them to. she is not controlling by any means but i do not think she understands america is diffrent then thailand. i am sure also the stress of dealing with the culture and other things here are hard for her. and she of course misses her country and family. but she knows i realize how much she sacrificed and that i love her.
there is also a issue of money. i told her the average person spends about eighty percent of their income on paying important things such as bills, insruance and things of that nature. in her country they do not make alot, but they also do not have alot of that stuff because items like insurance do not exist. my wife is learning as the time goes by but i think it is very hard for her because marrying me was a a very big life change. our marriage is great and our love is deep, we talk often. it is just the issue of a child on rare occasions that i do not know how to reply to her about.
there is also a issue of money. i told her the average person spends about eighty percent of their income on paying important things such as bills, insruance and things of that nature. in her country they do not make alot, but they also do not have alot of that stuff because items like insurance do not exist. my wife is learning as the time goes by but i think it is very hard for her because marrying me was a a very big life change. our marriage is great and our love is deep, we talk often. it is just the issue of a child on rare occasions that i do not know how to reply to her about.
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What's "not long ago" (how long have you been married)? I don't think couples should ever plan on having children unless BOTH are enthusiastic about the idea (and especially not under compulsion). The idea that some have of "God will provide" can easily be disproved by looking at the number of children (even from God-loving homes) that go hungry each day in our country (not to mention around the globe). It's not that God isn't good....or that God isn't faithful....it's that we live in a fallen world where there's poverty and suffering.
I think you two need more time as a couple....and that your wife needs more time to adapt to her own new life before she becomes responsible for the life of a little one. That's my two cents.
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