Hello,
I'm new here.
I'm married with two kiddos, Lincoln (3 yr, 2 mo) and Henry (1).
To preface, Lincoln is so kind, intelligent, thoughtful and sweet. He holds the doors open for people, always says please and thank you etc. He knows all his colors, shapes, letters (capital and lowercase), he can count reliably to 20 + speaks in full sentences etc. When he was 2yr and 8 months old we took him to a new church to see my father in law sing and they put in in the 4-5 yr old group because he speaks like a 4-5 year old. -- None of this is to brag, but to show you developmentally where he is at.
We could really use some advice on how to handle two things:
1. Disobedience/Defiance: I'm a former teacher and my wife is a teacher (I'm 26, she is 27) so I totally get that defiance is very developmental appropriate for a 3 year old. We just want to make sure we are handling it appropriately. Here are some of the ways we handle it:
a. He must always apologize for what he has done wrong, and must tell us what he did. (I'm sorry daddy for throwing a block at you and for screaming and yelling).
b. We give him one warning (such as "Lincoln, please stop stabbing your fork in our nice table"). After that warning, if he continues, we count to three. At three there is either a timeout or a spanking (a tap on the hand - enough to sting, but definitely not hurt him).
c. Timeouts usually last 1-3 minutes depending on severity of disobedience or timeliness (if we are running late for something it'd be 1 minute instead of 3).
2. Whining: This one, honestly, is just plain infuriating. We don't even know how to handle it. I always assumed that by winning he is trying to get his way and if I don't let him have his way (which I don't), he would eventually stop because it was unsuccessful. I was wrong. To give you an example of what he will whine/fake cry/ real cry about:
a. He asks for a drink and I say "Lincoln, please wait one minute. I'm changing your brothers diaper". Instant winning and crying (real or fake)
b. If Henry takes a toy that Lincoln had even thought about using/playing, instant whining.
c. Essentially, anytime Lincoln does not get his way in any way, shape or form, instant incessant whining.
** Again, we do not let him have his way. We explain why we said no (or whatever took place).
For #1 - are we doing this correctly? I've taught middle school and high school, so little kiddos are for sure new territory for me. My wife currently is licensed k-8.
For #2 - Is this just the way it is until he grows out of it? I've met plenty of 3 year olds that (from what I can tell) do not do this.
Thoughts & constructive criticism are welcome!
I'm new here.
I'm married with two kiddos, Lincoln (3 yr, 2 mo) and Henry (1).
To preface, Lincoln is so kind, intelligent, thoughtful and sweet. He holds the doors open for people, always says please and thank you etc. He knows all his colors, shapes, letters (capital and lowercase), he can count reliably to 20 + speaks in full sentences etc. When he was 2yr and 8 months old we took him to a new church to see my father in law sing and they put in in the 4-5 yr old group because he speaks like a 4-5 year old. -- None of this is to brag, but to show you developmentally where he is at.
We could really use some advice on how to handle two things:
1. Disobedience/Defiance: I'm a former teacher and my wife is a teacher (I'm 26, she is 27) so I totally get that defiance is very developmental appropriate for a 3 year old. We just want to make sure we are handling it appropriately. Here are some of the ways we handle it:
a. He must always apologize for what he has done wrong, and must tell us what he did. (I'm sorry daddy for throwing a block at you and for screaming and yelling).
b. We give him one warning (such as "Lincoln, please stop stabbing your fork in our nice table"). After that warning, if he continues, we count to three. At three there is either a timeout or a spanking (a tap on the hand - enough to sting, but definitely not hurt him).
c. Timeouts usually last 1-3 minutes depending on severity of disobedience or timeliness (if we are running late for something it'd be 1 minute instead of 3).
2. Whining: This one, honestly, is just plain infuriating. We don't even know how to handle it. I always assumed that by winning he is trying to get his way and if I don't let him have his way (which I don't), he would eventually stop because it was unsuccessful. I was wrong. To give you an example of what he will whine/fake cry/ real cry about:
a. He asks for a drink and I say "Lincoln, please wait one minute. I'm changing your brothers diaper". Instant winning and crying (real or fake)
b. If Henry takes a toy that Lincoln had even thought about using/playing, instant whining.
c. Essentially, anytime Lincoln does not get his way in any way, shape or form, instant incessant whining.
** Again, we do not let him have his way. We explain why we said no (or whatever took place).
For #1 - are we doing this correctly? I've taught middle school and high school, so little kiddos are for sure new territory for me. My wife currently is licensed k-8.
For #2 - Is this just the way it is until he grows out of it? I've met plenty of 3 year olds that (from what I can tell) do not do this.
Thoughts & constructive criticism are welcome!