Help this is driving me crazy!

[Bloved1]

What should i do?
So about two years ago this man and his wife started working here at my work. It was at a time in my life where I was really going through some bad things and i was SO depressed. This man was flirting with me and it made me feel good and I reciprocated back but NEVER did anything else beyond flirt. So at the end of that year suddenly him and his wife up and move out of the blue. Thank God! The time after that, God really spoke to my heart about my actions and I repented of them and moved on with my life and was grateful that he was taken away.

Fast forward to now... him and his wife came back and got their old jobs back here. >_< Now he's started up the flirting thing and I emailed him through our work email saying that I dont want him to talk to me unless its regarding work-related things. Later on while we were passing each other by, he said thank you for the email. So i thought that that was that.

Now he's coming up to me and asking me stupid things about work related stuff. Its annoying. I litterally whenever i see him, i walk the other way and If i have to go by his door I will walk a longer route to get away from him. I wont say good morning or anything but its like he likes it that im trying to get away from him. Its driving me nuts but i dont know what to do about it. It stinks because Ive worked here for about 6 years and im comfortable with the place, its like my second home but now im all walking on eggshells too. And i dont know how much his wife knows about that year that he was here and we were flirting with each other.

I dont know if i should tell the wife or what. Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[MorkandMindy]

Hi Bloved1


Is it possible for you to refer to the previous year as 'we were friendly' rather than 'we flirted'. It is pretty well accepted that males take any friendliness as sexual, there was a thread called 'can men and women be friends' which basically concluded the answer was 'no' because men take any contact with a fertile female who isn't totally ugly as a potential mate.

Women on the other hand are often unaware of this and you would be better off taking that position even if by some chance you were. You could just say you 'enjoyed the attention'. That is pretty much the same as admitting that you 'flirted' but emphasises the attention rather than the sexual desire, which most likely is what it was.


That's only if you can't avoid mentioning the previous year (I don't know which year or if it was less than a year but I'm referring to it as 'the previous year').

 

[MorkandMindy]

But also men like their egos stroked, and just the feeling that they are interesting a woman will do that.


It is also possible that he is trying to impress his wife that he is a good catch, and that you shouldn't feel you are in danger of upsetting her at all. Maybe I'm being a bit optimistic, also moods do change. I think you are doing the right thing to do your best to avoid and ignore the twit.



I also read that men do not understand that women feel attacked when they are 'hit on'. To a man it is just showing an interest and males would absolutely love to be hit on, so men really do not understand not wanting to be 'hit on'.

 

[Bloved1]

Well, no i wasnt honorable in any respect. We never knew each other so it wasnt "friendly", it was pure 100% lust. I mean I didnt even know that he had teenage children until the very last day before they left. I was going through some really bad times and the attention made me feel good.

Now is a different story, I dont want any attention from him at all. I just want him to leave me alone. I feel so sorry for his wife. He flirts at practically every woman on campus. >_<

 

[Bloved1]

... and what gets me is that his wife is a LOT prettier than i am.... so im like "WHA?" what the heck?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I would tell your supervisor. It could be considered sexual harassment if he doesn't leave you alone.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Bloved,
Men that flirt like this often flirt with a whole bunch of women.
Figuring out how to handle it is a hard one. I also advise doing the hard thing and having an open talk with him. Saying something like, God has been speaking to me and I now find flirting and having men flirting with me is hurtful. Then ask him plainly to stop hurting me by stop flirting with me.
If he doesn't stop, there is the sexual harassment laws.
When I become friend with a married women the next thing I look for is an opportunity to get to know her husband. In the process I say something about the last conversation I had with his wife. Giving him an opportunity for him to express how he feels about it. If she was acting inappropriate and wouldn't stop, I'd let her husband know stating how I feel about it. This isn't theory, I've done it a few times.
Yup, it can be hard to do the 1st time, but its just so much better to be open and honest. So he doesn't stop start telling people, his wife, his co workers, his boss. It's been years since I've hung out in chat rooms. but I remember ladies that would post offensive private messages from guys in public so that all would know their deeds.

Anyways, a lot to think about. But that's how I approach things now. Ya, its probably easier for a guy to do.

 

[iambren]

Conversely,years ago when I was being hit on by a woman I would drop wyhat I would call "wife statements". It's fairly easy to find little nuggets in the convo that you can relate back to the wife--"Oh you went to the Caribbean? My wife and I took a cruise to St Thomas and it made our love for each other even stronger!".

 

[Bloved1]

Thank you for all your advice! If this keeps up I will definately go to the admin's. Its difficult to work under these circumstances.