help, sticky situation

[dano884christ]

during the storm, I had work to do (for my internship) and my power was out, so I stayed at my fiancee's house (she lives with her parents) for three days, and slept in their guest room. There's apparently rumors going on about us doing this at the church. People at my church have given me the verse about "not having a hint of sexual immorality", as though I've done something wrong. There's apparently been some rumblings at the church that I may be disqualified for ministry now and my internship. How do I clear the air? the pastors and elders know us and are aprised of our situation. I emailed my adviser at Seminary to clear the air with the school

Did we do anything wrong?

 

[Luther073082]

during the storm, I had work to do (for my internship) and my power was out, so I stayed at my fiancee's house (she lives with her parents) for three days, and slept in their guest room. There's apparently rumors going on about us doing this at the church. People at my church have given me the verse about "not having a hint of sexual immorality", as though I've done something wrong. There's apparently been some rumblings at the church that I may be disqualified for ministry now and my internship. How do I clear the air? the pastors and elders know us and are aprised of our situation. I emailed my adviser at Seminary to clear the air with the school

Did we do anything wrong?

I don't think you did anything wrong. It sounds to me that you are in a church that wants to rush to judgement because apparently they don't think have enough to worry about in their own walks so they spend their time gossiping about others.

See what the pastor and/or church leadership wants to do. If they are willing to back you then fine, just keep doing what you are doing.

If not, I'd seriously find a different church. Because the situation at that church isn't healthy.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well without sounding harsh, sometimes we christians can be cackling hens that gossip about what we "assume" happens. When I was younger I stayed at my best friends house and slept in the same room as his sister who was my age. People found out and freaked out because I was in a room sleeping next to a girl. She was a sister to me not a gf. But none the less people made assumptions.

I think its just what we do sometimes because we often notice other peoples sins (not that you sinned) and not our owns. So we want to make ourselves look better, evne if we don't mean to.

If you didn't have sex then you did nothing wrong. More so if her parents live there. However some might say its dangerous because even with parents you could find a way to have sex. But thats why its called assumption. You obviously weren't going there for sex, you were going there because of a power outage.

I agree with the poster above me. Churchs who judge, especially based on assumptions are dangerous because they are the kind that often will cast you out and call other churchs and gossip about what they think you did/did not do.

 

[Johnnz]

You did nothing wrong. Personal safety, in time of crisis trumps appearance. There will always be gosips. If your leadership team or Pastor does not understand QUIT this house of RIGID legalists.

Not sure about quitting, but there is something rather horrible about such talk.

John
NZ

 

[iambren]

"not having a hint of sexual immorality or a photo in a storm!

I would simply speak a bit with my elders and ask them to trust you that you have done no wrong. Ball's in accuser's court.

 

[dano884christ]

Rumors still swirling, but getting a bit better. Renee feels like she's kind of to blame because she suggested I'd crash at her place. apparently, people knew about my past history and assumed I'd do it again. Renee and I have gone further than we'd have liked to in our relationship, but we haven't slept together in the 2 years we've been dating. I confessed the "fooling around" to an elder in the church earlier in the year, and apparently that got out somehow. Not sure how or who got it around. The seminary and our elder team support me, and trust me, but there's still the rumors going around. I hate it.

 

[Luther073082]

Rumors still swirling, but getting a bit better. Renee feels like she's kind of to blame because she suggested I'd crash at her place. apparently, people knew about my past history and assumed I'd do it again. Renee and I have gone further than we'd have liked to in our relationship, but we haven't slept together in the 2 years we've been dating. I confessed the "fooling around" to an elder in the church earlier in the year, and apparently that got out somehow. Not sure how or who got it around. The seminary and our elder team support me, and trust me, but there's still the rumors going around. I hate it.

Ugg no offense but that's part of the reason I'm Lutheran.

If I confess something to my pastor and he lets that slip to even his wife, he could lose his ordination for that.

 

[Timyone]

nothing wrong, give them all a slap!

 

[K9_Trainer]

Rumors still swirling, but getting a bit better. Renee feels like she's kind of to blame because she suggested I'd crash at her place. apparently, people knew about my past history and assumed I'd do it again. Renee and I have gone further than we'd have liked to in our relationship, but we haven't slept together in the 2 years we've been dating. I confessed the "fooling around" to an elder in the church earlier in the year, and apparently that got out somehow. Not sure how or who got it around. The seminary and our elder team support me, and trust me, but there's still the rumors going around. I hate it.

Honestly, your sex life or lack thereof is NONE of their business. I wouldn't worry about it and if you can (or if your elders can, have them do it), make a public notice reminding them that gossip is ugly and you would appreciate it if the false rumors surrounding your life would cease. Shame on the elder that shared your struggles.

 

[Wagonmaker]

during the storm, I had work to do (for my internship) and my power was out, so I stayed at my fiancee's house (she lives with her parents) for three days, and slept in their guest room. There's apparently rumors going on about us doing this at the church. People at my church have given me the verse about "not having a hint of sexual immorality", as though I've done something wrong. There's apparently been some rumblings at the church that I may be disqualified for ministry now and my internship. How do I clear the air? the pastors and elders know us and are aprised of our situation. I emailed my adviser at Seminary to clear the air with the school

Did we do anything wrong?

If you indeed slept alone in the guest room and did not commit fornication, then you did nothing wrong. You know the answer, because you know what you did.

I was asked to resign from my first ministry job because I was committing fornication with my now ex-wife while we were only dating. I ended up marrying her after a mortifying public scandal, and out of moral obligation, not love. I knew her a total of 9 months when we said, "I DO."

Let people talk. If you are guiltless, then carry your head high and take the punishment you don't deserve. By taking on the punishment, God will carry you through, and bless you not only for obedience, but for your humility and long-suffering.

Dude, you got this. Don't let idiot "Christians" rule your life or your world. They are not worth it and their reward is coming.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

The best way to deal with gossip is to be honest about it. Confront it when it confronts you. If people bring it up, mention it, imply it, whatever... Talk openly and frankly. "Yes, during the snowstorm, I stayed at my fiancee's house. She stayed in her room, I stayed in the guest room. We had no contact between each other that would be a reason to make you think poorly of her and this kind of discussion isn't only inaccurate, it's inappropriate. If you have a question, you can speak to so-and-so, who knew this was going to happen and stated it was the best thing to do, given the weather and the need to ensure my personal safety. We all have sinned, I have plenty I need to be accountable for, but I'd appreciate it that, for those who feel the need to have a public tally and discussion of my alleged sins, we stick to only the ones I committed, not the ones I've presumed guilty of but didn't commit."