HELP prayer and advice needed

[Kazamataz]

So here's my problem, Its a very long story but I'll make it as short as possible.

When I was about 12 I went to live with my birth father, at this point I had never met him in my life as he and my mum had split up when i was a newborn.

I lived with my birth father for about a year, he was physically, mentally and sexually abusive towards me. He was always on drugs and was a major drug dealer in my town.

Eventually one day i got so sick of it all, I called the police and had him arrested. That was the last time I saw him or ever heard from him.

Today I found out that he is now become a christian and is married. I've been told that he goes to church every sunday and has really changed alot. He's apparently being going around apologizing to all those he hurt in his past.

He has not tried to contact me, which I am grateful for but it has really got me thinking.

Should I try to contact him?

If Jesus has forgiven him does that mean I should let hm back into my life?

Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank-you

 

[Surrender2Win]

Sounds like a hard situation!

I haven't had this same experience with my dad, but I had a physically/verbally/emotionally abusive mother growing up. Even though I have forgiven her (with time and years of therapy work), I still don't allow her in my life for my own mental well being...there's still a lot of fear there.
I see and do you feel that, it makes you a not very good christian by not letting her in your life?

I'm still terrified of him and do not want to see him at all.
But i feel like others will judge me for not doing so and i fear that people may say to me things like: "but he has been made new in christ" or "he has been forgiven so you should forgive too"

I'm going to continue responding here instead so I copied and pasted from the other thread, hope that's ok!

Me personally, no I don't feel that it effects my Christian walk. It effects me more all around when I'm around her. I'm no good to anyone and past experiences have shown that every time I allow myself to be around her, I would resort back to old destructive behaviors.

Admittingly, I haven't seen or heard from her in over 5 years. I don't even know where she is. But the thought of her coming to town and me seeing her, makes me freeze up and hold my breath. Even though I have forgiven her, she's still a scary person to me and I would rather love her from a distance.

My expereince is my experience. You might choose different then me. My mother hasn't changed. There are people who have been through similar issues as you, who have been able to go on and have a relationship with their abusers. There are some that aren't able to. It's a tough situation that will involve lots and lots of prayer...

I'll be praying for your situation...

 

[Mayflower1]

As far as I know, my dad was a christian when he abused me. And I definitely forgive him for what he had done.

But, personally, I could never let him back in my life.

I can't say the same for you. But if you are not comfortable being around him, you do not need to be around him. There are so many people in this world that needs to be forgiven and are forgiven. But hanging around them isn't always a good thing...

If Jesus has forgiven him does that mean I should let hm back into my life?

Since Jesus forgave him, it means that you should forgive him too. But that doesn't mean that you have to let him back into your life.

I'll be praying for you. Lily00

 

[Kazamataz]

I'm going to continue responding here instead so I copied and pasted from the other thread, hope that's ok!

Me personally, no I don't feel that it effects my Christian walk. It effects me more all around when I'm around her. I'm no good to anyone and past experiences have shown that every time I allow myself to be around her, I would resort back to old destructive behaviors.

Admittingly, I haven't seen or heard from her in over 5 years. I don't even know where she is. But the thought of her coming to town and me seeing her, makes me freeze up and hold my breath. Even though I have forgiven her, she's still a scary person to me and I would rather love her from a distance.

My expereince is my experience. You might choose different then me. My mother hasn't changed. There are people who have been through similar issues as you, who have been able to go on and have a relationship with their abusers. There are some that aren't able to. It's a tough situation that will involve lots and lots of prayer...

I'll be praying for your situation...

As far as I know, my dad was a christian when he abused me. And I definitely forgive him for what he had done.

But, personally, I could never let him back in my life.

I can't say the same for you. But if you are not comfortable being around him, you do not need to be around him. There are so many people in this world that needs to be forgiven and are forgiven. But hanging around them isn't always a good thing...

Since Jesus forgave him, it means that you should forgive him too. But that doesn't mean that you have to let him back into your life.

I'll be praying for you. Lily00

Thankyou so from your both saying, I don't need to have him in my life to be a "good" christian. But i should forgive him for what he did.
That makes sense, I think I should seek a professional to help me do that tho. I know right now there is no way I could forgive him on my own.

 

[Mayflower1]

just don't mix forgiveness with having to be around someone...

 

[Kazamataz]

just don't mix forgiveness with having to be around someone...

so you can forgive and not have that person in your life?

 

[Mayflower1]

definitely. I have forgiven my dad, but I have also dusted my feet and walked away.

You can forgive drug addicts and terrorists, and all sorts of evil characters. But you don't have to hang around them. Especially if you think that they will cause you to fall or to be hurt again.

 

[Kazamataz]

definitely. I have forgiven my dad, but I have also dusted my feet and walked away.

You can forgive drug addicts and terrorists, and all sorts of evil characters. But you don't have to hang around them. Especially if you think that they will cause you to fall or to be hurt again.

Thanks for that your advice has been really helpful

 

[restore]

Since he is your birth father, it is natural and understandable that u want to contact him. But if u r not sure u can handle what will come and lack those strength and worry , u shall wait and till u r ready to do it.
And if he is a REAL devoted MATURE christian man now, I think he shall or maybe someday he finally will contact u himself.
U shall not rush into any actions.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Amazing and simply devour the Bible - the author creator has not left you(anyone) without good directions.
Still, continue in and stay in Scripture like a little baby nursing; trust the creator who loves your soul eternally, He will never disappoint U.

 

[Mipaji]

Forgivness is tough on either end. I found after accepting Christ into my heart, turning my life over to Him because it was in such a mess ,that I was able to forgive my father. The complications of a mans life in trying to appear "a man" with the constant memory of being sodomized by my own father, forced to perform oral sex, etc., took thier toll on not just me but the people who eventually came in contact with me. When a parent does these things to one of thier children and later turns thier life around it is good. But the parent should never...for one second think that just because he or she "got better" and became christian that it miraculously heals thier victim and they should be received without recompense or reminder. I think maintaining the distance is wise. The flesh can not be trusted to abide by the faith. If a little voice tells you to stay away...then stay away. Be grateful they changed.
Praise the Lord for thier salvation. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and trust in God. In Them there is no doubt.
I apologize if I just got to rambling...I'm tired and this is such a sad thing to happen to any of Gods children. Being a victim myself gives us relation without knowing eachother but, pain needs no introduction, it knows no strangers. I will tell you this...I love you...and in Heaven we will meet...and we will know eachother. We will smile
and embrace and our Lord and Savior will be with us to bring us before our Heavenly Father and all of this...will never happen to us again. God keep and bless you.

 

[Kazamataz]

Forgivness is tough on either end. I found after accepting Christ into my heart, turning my life over to Him because it was in such a mess ,that I was able to forgive my father. The complications of a mans life in trying to appear "a man" with the constant memory of being sodomized by my own father, forced to perform oral sex, etc., took thier toll on not just me but the people who eventually came in contact with me. When a parent does these things to one of thier children and later turns thier life around it is good. But the parent should never...for one second think that just because he or she "got better" and became christian that it miraculously heals thier victim and they should be received without recompense or reminder. I think maintaining the distance is wise. The flesh can not be trusted to abide by the faith. If a little voice tells you to stay away...then stay away. Be grateful they changed.
Praise the Lord for thier salvation. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and trust in God. In Them there is no doubt.
I apologize if I just got to rambling...I'm tired and this is such a sad thing to happen to any of Gods children. Being a victim myself gives us relation without knowing eachother but, pain needs no introduction, it knows no strangers. I will tell you this...I love you...and in Heaven we will meet...and we will know eachother. We will smile
and embrace and our Lord and Savior will be with us to bring us before our Heavenly Father and all of this...will never happen to us again. God keep and bless you.

Thank-you thats EXACTLY what i needed to hear.

The little voice is SCREAMING "stay away!"

This by far has been the most encouraging, touching and spirit filled reply i have gotten to this post. You are a wonderful man of God and I am glad you have given me this encouragement.
Thank-you :0)